How to heal broken trust?

[BellaJ]

My ex and I dated for four years. It ended with me breaking up with him and leaving him for someone else. We tried to remain friends for a month or two after the break up but eventually stopped talking.

The break up happened seven years ago and we got back in touch with each other about two months ago.

Basically we both have missed each other throughout the time we didn't talk and there is still love there on both of our parts.

I never contacted him because I thought he hated me because of the nasty break up and he never contacted me because of lies a friend was telling him after the break up; she said I was saying things I never said to keep him from contacting me.

 

My question is that there is still a very deep love there between us after all this time. We want to try to work at it again. He says he still loves me but there is still so much hurt there and some anger it is hard for us to start again.

 

I know I hurt him and have regretted it for many years, I have done a lot of growing over that time. I need some suggestions on how to help heal the wounds that he still carries from the break up and deal with anger that we both have about things that happened.

 

Advice would be great, especially from guys. What can I do to help rebuild his trust in me and help him get past the hurt?

 

Thanks,

 

BellaJ

[WildChild]

I know you said you would like guys points of view but maybe I can offer some thoughts to toss around?

 

The scenario is there: You both still love each other. You are both FINALLY talking to one another. You both want to take another try at it.

 

I say go for it and tread lightly. Obviously there is a lot of hurt that went on so you both need to take it slow. You both need to sit down and set the boundaries on how fast this is going to happen and promise one another that the line of communication is going to remain open so that if there is any question, doubts or confusion the person feels comfortable enough going to the other one, just like in any relationship.

 

That's my thought, go for it and take it slow

[BellaJ]

Thanks for your reply.

 

We are taking it slow. We usually only talk once a week for 1-2 hrs and we've seen each other twice.

 

He is getting more comfortable talking to me but he still says it is very hard for him to see my face. Brings up a lot of sad memories still. He says that when he sees me its hard for him to remember that so much time has past. He says I look the same and he just sees the person that hurt him and it brings up a lot of sad feelings.

 

I wish there was something that I could say to him or do to take some of the hurt away. I don't know where to even start to rebuild trust with him.

[Bethany]

You got a second chance. Don't blow it is the answer. Remember how much it hurt to be away from him and don't make the same mistakes again.

[RescueDiver]

Bella,

I had the misfortune of having been in this situation but in your ex's shoes. I don't know if you can rebuild his trust or not. However, many years have gone by so there is a good chance that the wound has healed. When my ex- and I got back together it was only 6 months later. The problem of course was that the wounds and the resentment was still there so we got into fights a lot easier over silly little stuff. By the time I got over what happened it was too late. I had alienated my girlfriend and she ended up breaking up with me a year after we had gotten back together. So, basically you have to make sure that the wounds have healed and that he has or is willing to forgive you for what happened.

[Spectre22]

So wait, you dumped this guy for someone else, basically left his * * * high and dry..then years later after that hasnt worked out, you wanna get back with him?

 

may I ask why in gods name the guy you dumped also wants to get back with you? is he a masochist? or what

[conkatliz]

My advice on your situation would have to be let it go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If yall have been apart for that long and there really is love between you two, then the only hope you have is in forgetting and forgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!