Update on my story

[eimono]

Hi all,

 

 

 

 

Well I wanted to give you guys an update on my life. It's been a long road and I haven't reached the end yet, but it is in sight.

 

 

Things came to a end this weekend. I talked to her on Sat and asked if she wanted to go to church with me on Sunday. She said, "sure that was fine" and "I'll call you tomorrow and let you know." Well she called and went over to pick her up. Right off the bat she was in a bad mood. I just tried to keep calm and didn't let things get to me. She got upset enough to start cussing about things and I was ready to leave but just tried to give it some time to cool off. As I was pulling up I asked her if we were seeing each other and she said yes. I said so then I should introduce you to people as my GF? She said no, she didn't feel that way and we were just "seeing each other." I said ok, if that's what you want. We never did meet anyone and after church we went to lunch. It was nice so we ate outside. It turned out that both of us had Monday off work. So I asked if she wanted to go do something on Monday. She said that was fine. I asked how much time would you like to spend, an hour, few, or half the day. She said "that depends on what we are doing." Things were still uncomfortable and I was having real trouble figuring out what we could do tomorrow. And then she said, I'm cold take me home. So I did and she said if you want to come up that's fine. I went up and tried to finish talking about our plans for Monday.

 

 

That's went things just kept getting worse. She kept bring up problems and was hateful, spiteful, and just had resentment and contempt towards me. I said to her that it was really hard for me right now and I'm working through my issues. But I needed her to help. I said we need to move on from the past or we will never have a future together.

 

 

And sitting there, looking at her face as she said mean things to me. It hit me like a cold slap in the face. She was showing me nothing but negative feelings. I told her that I'm not strong enough right now to be kicked when I'm down and I can't do this anymore. She said, that's fine, this is the second time you've done this. (Broken up with her) But that wasn't true, when SHE moved out I told her I didn't know how to feel about things but never said it was over.

 

 

I tried to say that maybe when we work through our issues things could resume but right now I can't do this. She just got more distance and kept saying mean things. She said, "this is 110% your decision, I just want you to know that. I was willing to work through things and I knew that they would be hard like this." So I said I should go. I asked if I could have a hug goodbye and she just laughed in a "you're not worth my time" way, and didn't even get out of her chair.

 

 

I got up and walked to the door. Then the words that I will never forget were said.

She said "Call me when you fix yourself, I may be available."

 

I don't think I can describe how that made me feel, but I said goodbye, and left. I haven't talked to her since, but I have to take a jacket back to her so at some point I know I'll have to at least see her.

 

 

While I know that this was the right thing to do for me. It still feels like I gave up. I know I tried hard to make us work, and I'm even doing everything I can to fix my issues. Such as reading books, seeing a therapist. But that statement kind of says it all. In her mind everything is my fault. She hasn't taken any kind of responsibility for her actions and issues. And the hate and blame is directed at me. Instead of her facing it, she puts it on me and gets mad at me.

 

 

I miss her, and I do love her so much. But I hit bottom, and she was only kicking me when I was down. I didn't feel good to be around her anymore. She made things harder for me and I assume I was holding her back as well.

 

 

While I know these things are true, I don't feel any better about it. I guess they say time heals. I can see it will take a lot of time and help for me to get back to a good place.

 

 

 

Thanks for all the kind words and advice everyone here has given me.

[RandomAdvisor]

You really are better off without this woman. When you have to "work" on a relationship this hard, the best work you can really do is to walk away. And when you're the only one trying, there's no point in staying. You said it yourself, she was only showing you negative emotions. So why would you stay with her? On the faint hope that eventually someday things will be ok? How will they get that way? They problems aren't just going to fix themselves. This woman is angry, spiteful, hateful, and totally negative. She doesn't sound like she wants to change at all.

 

Instead of going back to this woman so she can use you as a doormat and treat you like trash, you should try and find someone new who will treat you with respect. You don't have to see her to give her the jacket back. Mail it to her. As I advised you before the last time I replied to one of your threads, I still think NC is best.

[JCAM22]

Mail the freaking jacket back...she is not worth it!!! I had a burial when my ex dumped me, I gathered all of her personal belongings all the pictures and everything that reminded me of her and burried it in the park....I learned the hard way (because I also hit rock bottom) that if the person you are with doesn't want you and doesn't appreciate all that you do for them then let them go because somebody else better is out there waiting for us and I am so excited to meet them whenever that happens......tell yourself that it starts today and try to forget all the negative aspects that brought you to the point of where you are today. I love my ex but after what she did to me.......I don't even want her back.....I still have my days where I get upset, but you need to tell yourself that you were too good for her....and MOVE FORWARD. The more you have contact with her the more backward steps you will take!!

[RayKay]

Given her attitude, and lack of taking responsibility for her own actions and attitude, I think you really did the right thing.

 

While all relationships take work, when they are ALL work, and all ONE SIDED work, then it's a good sign that this is not an equal partnership and it is time to move on.

 

When someone no longer makes you feel good about yourself, and them, and seems to only breed hate and resentment, rather then love, compassion and acceptance, it is no surprise you reach your breaking point.

 

She was using you as a doormat, and I'll just say she was being a "witch" (only pronounce it different ) in every way. I would MAIL her the jacket and go into strict NC. And do NOT go back to her. She can be available or not be available all she wants, fact is that YOU are no longer available to her whether you are signal or not. You deserve better - someone whom respects you, loves you, sees you as a partner, is willing to work things through and accept her part in issues that arise and so forth. Ugh, you DO deserve better, honestly.

[eimono]

I know,

 

And every time I start to look back and think of all the good times... my mind starts to make excuses for the bad. But then I force myself to repeat the bad things she did. The hate, the anger, the pain she caused me. That helps me a little, to see what she had become. And that I don't need or want that kind of person in my life.

 

It seems so common to focus on the good, ignore the bad, and want what we had. But the more time apart from her, the more I see that the bad was really worse then I had admitted to myself.

 

I remember more then one day, being at work and dreading going HOME because I knew she was in or going to be in a bad mood. How do we let things get so far out of hand? I guess if I could learn that it would save me from this again. I want to take some time to make sure that I don't do this again. That I fix my issues and get my self respect and worth back. Then I will have something to offer another in a relationship.

 

Yet that little voice in my head keeps screaming... Maybe this will make her go and get help and change. Maybe she will do ........ I just have to let go of this hope and assume that she will never change. That I will never be with her again. Then all I really have left is to fix myself and worry that I will change for the better.

 

I need to learn to be happy with who I am and the things I have. Then, and only then, will people want to be with and around me. Then I will have the power to say I won't be treated like dirt by anyone.

 

Someday, I will be better. Someday, I will be great!