Taking A Break....Is It Gonna Work?

[Saint1]

Ok So here goes...I've been best friends with a girl for over 7 years now. We've dated before but the timing was all wrong and there were many issues that complicated our relationship. Anyways, I left for Iraq over a year ago and we realized we both still had strong feelings for each other and decided to give it another try despite the fact I was leaving. So we were together the whole year I was gone, staying in touch through emails and phone calls almost daily. I came home for my 2 weeks leave halfway through my tour and everything was perfect. I went back over and did my last 6 months and I came home exactly 2 weeks ago and the first few days were great except I was having a little difficulty adjusting to being home again. A couple days ago my girlfriend suggested a step back in the relationship and that we take a break until we both get our acts together. We still see each other every day and she kinda does this thing where we're close one minute and later on shes kinda pushing me away. I've adjusted to home pretty well at this point and today she told me that her life is different now from before I left and she still needs time to readjust. I can tell she still feels the same about me. My question is I guess...are the chances good of this break actually helping us or are we only meant to be friends? And also, how long is too long to wait?...I don't want to spend months and months waiting but if it means me and her work out I'm willing to wait.

[Jjasonn28]

Well, regardless of wether the break will actually help, if thats what she wants, thats what has to happen. Try to look at it like this. Either she will recognize that she loves you, and wants to be with you, or she will realize that she doesn't. Either way, its better than continuing with questions. If she comes back feeling those things that got you through your tour, great! If she wants to move on, then its best for both of you. You say you can tell she still feels the same way about you. If this is infact the truth, then a break will be what she needs to see it for herself. But dont wait months and months. If she does feel that way for you, it should be obvious fairly quickly. Give her time, but make some time for yourself too.

[heloladies21]

You two aren't together so start moving on and taking to other girls ASAP. If she decides that you're the one for her, all of her feelings will come back very strong and she will come back to you. But you have to start the process of moving on so you're not waiting around at all.

[ScottyV]

You two aren't together so start moving on and taking to other girls ASAP.

 

About the ASAP part... I'm not sure if I so much agree with that. Yes, you may or may not need to move on eventually, but doing so could have adverse effects.

 

I find, from personal experience, if I try to force myself into something, I get myself into situations or relationships where I'm uncomfortable. Having said that, I'd suggest you take it slow. Give her a couple of weeks to figure out what she wants. That time will also let you find out what you really want too. If she's one worth keeping, she's probably worth the wait. Besides, if she finds out that you've been taking other girls out, she might get the wrong message and think that you're not interested, or that you're only after sex.

 

If she's what you want, a few weeks will just make it that much sweeter when you two finally are together.

Just my two sense. Good luck with the time off.

[PocoDiablo]

You two aren't together so start moving on and taking to other girls ASAP. If she decides that you're the one for her, all of her feelings will come back very strong and she will come back to you. But you have to start the process of moving on so you're not waiting around at all.

I absolutely agree with this.

 

You don't have to dump her, per se, but you should let her know that you are not stuck on her. Essentially what you would be saying is "I am an available man and I am not tied to you, especially if you keep jerking me around." If you do stay with her, letting her go back and forth, you are giving the message "I am so desperate for attention, and I think you're the only one who will give it to me, that I will tolerate being mis-treated." You're a grown man, you've joined the service and know how to defend yourself, yet when she figuratively "slaps" you in the face you let it slide. This does not send a message of a "protector" or a "father" - a "man" in essense. Instead, it sends a message of a boy or a child. At some point you just need to tell her the truth - however you see it - that her behavior is something you are not going to tolerate. So, for example, let he know that you do like her, but the next time she pulls this bull and backs off then you're through with her.

 

If she breaks up or backs off again, then dump her. It is akin to a child testing their parents - you need to put your foot down. If you don't, just like the child who tests their parents, she WILL simply get worse and worse.

 

In my opinion, she is testing you to see if you will say NO. You have to be a man and set the rules that are fair, and then make everyone follow them. It is VERY important not to be mean, cruel, rude when you do this - just very mature and firm about it. Think James Bond or Cary Grant - a gentleman.

 

Good luck.