He said.."I dont want to get into a relationship....

[esboogie143]

The uy that im dating says that h can tell hat I ge attached to quickly. He got out of a relationship in July just at the same ime my ex competely cut me off and changed his number..anyhow...he already knos that im a serious person so what am I suppsed to do??? H is still there...treats me great and all bt by knowing how he feels an what he xpresses t me should Istay?? Im 29 and he's 28 but I want someone who is on my level in regard to relationships and all... He saiys that he doest look down he road he takes things da by day and or me to do the same...what should i do? I really like him but that conversation chaged my perception of him a bit....an advise???

[kellbell]

You and him are not on the same page. Plus, it seems like you are different people, you are more passionate towards relationships, he isn't. Maybe that is the reason why he broke up with his ex in July. Either, take a deep breath and take things very slow and get to know him or maybe keeping your options open with others until you find someone you are more compatible with. Take care and wishing you all the best.

[annie24]

I think when a guy says, "I don't want a relationship" it's time to run. They don't want a relationship with you. He's pretty much telling you flat out that he doesn't want things to get any more serious between the two of you. Maybe he's still getting over some pain back in July, maybe he just wants to keep "sowing his wild oats." Either way, I think it's time to let this one go. Find someone who is also looking for a serious relationship.

 

good luck

[esboogie143]

Thank you fo ur replies...but i just want to ask you why do u think he's still there and tells me to take one day at a time and that anything can happen ???

[arwen]

Hey esboogie,

 

I am sorry to hear this. I am afraid I agree with annie here. The longer you date a guy that can't commit at the same level as you do, the longer it takes to move on if it eventually makes him break up with you. Don't try to make him believe that you are not too serious as well or anything. Sounds to me like he is trying to keep his options open, which is not what you want in a relationship.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[annie24]

Thank you fo ur replies...but i just want to ask you why do u think he's still there and tells me to take one day at a time and that anything can happen ???

 

Because some men (and women!) like to keep their options open. Some people just don't like to burn bridges by saying never ever ever ever to a person. Maybe he's enjoying just dating you casually in the meantime, that's why he hasn't left. But, the fact that he is saying he doesn't want a relationship is him saying, "I'm with you temporarily, until I get bored, or meet someone I like better."

 

I am sorry - I'm afraid I sound very harsh. I think it's best that you distance yourself from him. If he changes his mind about a serious relationship, he always knows where to find you. If anything, I think distancing yourself may even spur him to want to be in a relationship with you, because he may realize that he wants to spend more time with you. Or, he may just walk away, at which point, you should let him leave.

 

((((((BIG HUG!!!!))))))

[Jadtt]

Yeah...my ex did the same thing to me. The "I don't want a relationship" line means....I don't want a relationship with you. I want to be single, I want to play the field.

 

He also said after we broke up there was a possibility of us dating again in the future, unless I didn't want it. I laughed at that one and said "Oh no". This is manspeak for "I'm gonna keep you in my back pocket because I enjoy spending time with you, I enjoy the attention you give me, but I will only see you when it is convenient for me".

 

Get rid of him....

Don't let him play with your emotions like that.

 

I learned the hard way, I'm glad I experienced it, but every time I see this guy I want to smack him silly, Mr. "I always knew this is how it would feel when I met the right person". PA-LEASE!

 

Get out now! Get out before you get hurt.

[arwen]

I agree with Jadtt. My ex did the same to me. His "I don't want to be in a relationship" translated perfectly into "I don't want a relationship with you". A few months after I left to study abroad, he had a new relationship with a girl he had been in love with since our latest breakup. I just kept seeing me in between because I was very convenient, I loved him, I was there for him to take his mind of this girl (she was engaged when they met so there appeared to be no future). You can imagine how much it hurt me.

 

Don't date this guy anymore. Break up with him, and keep the power to yourself girl. You don't want to end up the way you did this summer, right?

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[esboogie143]

awwww....thanks soooooo much to everyone who has been there with me from day 1!!!!! and to all who just has an opinion on my issue!! Very much appraciated ALWAYS!!!!