Ok, complete honesty now. Long post.

[Twinkle_]

I'm going to be totally honest here, bearing my soul isn't something I do often.

 

I'm an escort. Well, I was an escort, until very recently. I have decided enough is enough, it's time to call it a day.

 

2 years ago, I found an escort site. I was strangely curious, how could these overweight, average looking women earn so much? I'm quite good looking, and have a good figure, so I thought if they could, so could I. I was single at this point.

 

The money was fantastic. The clients were sometimes vile, but I got on with it.

 

A few weeks after starting, I met a friend of a friends brother waiting for a train. I was going one way, him, the other. We chatted a little. He was moving away from the area, to start his new job and be closer to his friends. He was gorgeous, and so sweet, but moving away, so after that, i put him to the back of my mind.

 

The following weekend, I was out with friends, when I noticed him with a male friend of mine, still looking gorgeous. I spoke to him, but he was very shy. he'd tired of being away already, and had decided to come home to his family every weekend.

 

After a few more drinks, I let slip to our mutual friend that I liked him. Not long after, I was up dancing and invited him to join me. At first he shook his head, after a while, he came over. Turned out he thought he'd have no chance with me, but our mutual friend told him otherwise. We exchanged numbers and promised to meet the following weekend.

 

When I started escorting, I hadn't considered how I'd feel when I met someone. I hadn't thought about what I'd say to them. On the way to jobs, I'd feel awful, i felt awful the whole time, but lied to him. I didn't want him to judge me. It's selfish, but I wanted him to actually know me before telling him the truth. A few weeks after, he moved back home.

 

5 months later, I'd cut down the number of clients I was seeing hugely. I wanted to see him more, but it meant I had less cash. We'd argued about a night out, I couldn't afford to go, he offered to lend me money but I didn't want it. In the end, I saw an extra client, and went.

 

That night, he was behaving very strangely. He was nervy, nit picking, and driving me up the wall. He was being horrid towards me infront of his friends and I snapped. I took him to one side and told him the truth about my job. the minute i'd done it I regretted it, but I felt a huge weight off my shoulders.

 

The next few weeks were very rocky. It was off, then on, off again, and on again, but we managed to work it out. He asked me to give it up, I said I would, as soon as I found another job. At first he was fine with that, then he wanted me just to give it up and live off his cash. If only. He doesn't earn enough to support himself, never mind me. He started working less and less, it was clear that we couldn't live this way, so we agreed I'd carry on escorting.

 

4 months later, he asked me to marry him, I said yes.

 

Fast forward through the happy stuff:

 

A few weeks ago he text me to say he was moving back home. He didn't want to be with me anymore.

 

I went out that weekend and met someone, in honesty he could have been anyone, I felt insecure and needed to feel wanted. I took him home, we slept in the same bed but I couldn't face doing anything else with him, it didn't feel right.

 

The following day the ex text me to see if I'd had a good night. His mothers friend had followed me from place to place and had seen me with the other guy. I told him everything, although looking back, I shouldn't have had to explain myself.

 

A few days later, he came to see me, and we got back together. His mother said she'd disown him if we got back together, but he told her if she loved him, she'd support him.

 

Everything looked fine for a few days, we went out one night together, and had a fab time, but the next day he kept mentioning the other guy I'd met, making me feel very guilty. I told him how he made me feel and he confessed to kissing his ex girlfriend about a month before we split. I was fuming, but I said fine, we've both made mistakes, let's put them behind us and move on.

 

On Friday 7/10, he went out with his friends, including the one who hates women. I half expected a text through the night saying it was over, as he was drinking. But he didn't. He text me to say he's be over to see me later and that he loved me, and missed me. Aww, bless. A few hours later, he text to say he was really sorry but he didn't love me anymore and it was time to move on.

 

I carried on for about a week after that until I saw a mutual friend while I was out drinking, he told me that my ex was moving to the same place he did when we first got together. I text him to wish him luck, as we'd agreed to be friends when he ended it.

 

A few hours, and many vodkas later, I noticed a missed call from him. I went outside and called him back. A woman answered. I asked if I could speak to him, she said no. Asked who I was, I asked who she was.... she's "his girlfriend, they've been together for a month and are really loved up!" and "you need help. I can give you that." She called me back twice after that to make sure I knew who she was and not to bother with him again. Fair enough.

 

I went home, still fuming, and ripped up some of the clothes he'd left behind. It felt great at the time,but I do regret it. I left them in a bag in his local pub the next day.

 

I spoke to his brother who informed me this girl was actually seein a friend of his, and just wanted to hurt me.

 

Last weekend, I was out with a friend when we bumped into my ex. it was strange. he'd done something different with his hair, new clothes, he looked gorgeous. Our mutual friendcame to talk to me, and suggested there was still hope. I spoke to the ex, and it was made clear he just wanted to be friends.

 

I couldn't stand to be there, so I left. I had to get a taxi home so I spoke to another friend while I tried to remember the phone number. Our mutual friend saw me, and invited me to a party. I agreed to go, but I wanted to have a chat to my other friend first, so I'd call him when I was done.

 

While i was chatting away, my ex walked past. Shortly after, he text me, inviting me to the same party our mutual friedn was at, and that he'd come get me. I had I rough idea where he was, so I set off to meet him half way. When we met, he hugged me, and kissed me. I was in shock, I didn't expect this, what was he doing?! Back at the party, we chatted a bit, the went for the "I wish I didn't" for old times sake, sex. We went our separate ways shortly after.

 

On monday night, he came to my house. We chatted for a long time, and the true reasons behind everything came out. He hates me escorting. When we make love, his face changes after its over, he can't stop picturing me with other men. He also hates this place, he wants to move on to somewhere we can have a future, not here. I know that. That's why i'm no longer an escort. i want him, and only him.

 

Last week we were sort of seeing each other, but he went away on sunday nigth with his friends, and text me the next day saying he was enjoying his freedom too much.

 

All week he's been texting me wondering what I'm up to etc, it's doing my head in. I always stop replying in the middle of a conversation, I might not be busy, but I don't want him to know that.

 

I want him back. I really do. What should do now? should I carry on the way things are and let him come to me when he's ready?

[sibling295]

twinkle - are you still working as an escort now?

are you supporting yourself in another job?

 

I ask because - well at least for me - my job is allot of my self esteem. I am proud of what i do for a living - but it wasnt always that way.

 

I think you need to build on feeling good about yourself.

 

Start living the proper life you dream of .

 

He will see this - he will see you are proud .

 

He will come back - they always do.

[PavPPZ1]

well, I couldnt imagine dating someone who was an escort, especially if you slept with other guys. If you gave that up then its a good start. From here you guys just need to find a new beginning together, and go from there.

 

I would recommend getting a place together and getting different jobs. This way you can both support your livelyhood.

 

Seems like both of you can go out and get dates, so if you are ready I would try to settle down with this one relationship.

 

Good luck

[Hope75]

I think the job change needs to be for YOU, regardless of whether he comes back or not. I'm sure you know that, when you do that type of work, it makes it very difficult to have a relationship with a man in the typical sense, and although the money is nice, I am sure that your self esteem takes a blow when you are with these other men.

 

I think if you make the change for you and your ex comes back, it may be possible to move forward, but given as he knows you history it may be hard for him, imagine yourself in his shoes. Perhaps with some counseling you could both come together and make it work.

 

If not, than get yourself tested for every STD in the book (do this either way, you know that condoms are not 100% effective and there are over 100 types of STD's out there, some with no symptoms!) and then try to get on with your life, and I don't think you need to tell any future possible dates about your history.

 

Best of luck!

[minnie]

Just thought i would share with everyone that i am 9 days into NC ( its a very long story!!)

 

Now its getting really hard for me, i am thinking about him all the time. I am reading post from this site to keep me strong and help me get through - trying my hardest to keep busy, but he always pops up when i least expect it

 

I suppose thats how it goes - and i assume i have a long way to go, but i have realised i have to do it now, or i will never do it.

 

I am responsible for my own happines - no1 else. I have stoped looking to my ex to make me happy, as all he is doing is hurt me.

 

I intend to find someone out there who appreciates me, and treat me like the queen that i am. First though i need to learn to love myself again, more than i ever have.

 

I just need to support and guidance.

 

Whenever i feel the need to call this low-life, i will post here, because i really have no need to call him.

 

I have tried this before but this time i will suceed because i am determined to be happy - without him.

[Hope75]

Minnie,

 

Why don't you start your own thread so that you can get more responses, and so you don't hijack this poster's thread?

[Twinkle_]

I'm looking for a job in the area I want to move to now. I've applied for about 15 this week, about as many the week before.

 

The ex text me at about 11.30 last night asking how I was. I said I was fine, and asked how he was.

 

He replied saying he cared for me so much, he'd turned down another girl a few days ago cause if he can't love me he doesn't want anyone. he says he has issues.

 

I told him, we both have issues. I'm working mine out, it's up to him to do the same, and that maybe we're just not meant to be together.

 

he replied saying you never know we both have to have fun, agreed? in time we'll marry, i'm sure.

 

What the hell was that about? I replied saying I didn't understand his text, but having our own space was good. the he asked if I was over him. Before I could reply, a friend called, and we got chatting a bit. I replied straight after we'd finished talking asking if he was over me, and that he didn't need to ask if I was or not. he said he wasn't over me, and that we needed our time. i didn't reply, as another friend called.

 

He then sent a text saying baby, listen to me (insert my full name here) u know I miss you. I can't remember what I sent back but he said he'd love to see me now, and could get a taxi to him. no way was I getting a taxi to him at 1am. I was in bed! Instead, I said I could call him if he wanted. He told me to get some sleep and he hopes he sees me around soon, and that he'd have loved to have held me tonight.

 

I'm playing this cool, I can see what he's doing. He's annoyed cause I'm not waiting for him anymore, I don't reply to his texts straight away, if I reply at all.

 

We need space. He needs to work out what he wants, and I need to know where I stand. I'm not going to jump when he asks me to. I want him back so much, but I can't be with him until he knows what he wants. I can't be in his wife while he's so mixed up.

[minnie]

So sorry to twinkle and others, didnt mean to post here

[Twinkle_]

I want him out of my life for good.

 

Once again, he has used me to suit him. I'm not taking this anymore. I'm not a toy he can pick up when he's bored and discard when he's done.

 

No contact starting now. I'm changing my number. I don't want this animal in my life.

[DN]

Animal?

[Hope75]

I want him out of my life for good.

 

Once again, he has used me to suit him. I'm not taking this anymore. I'm not a toy he can pick up when he's bored and discard when he's done.

 

No contact starting now. I'm changing my number. I don't want this animal in my life.

 

This was quite a turn of events... what happened?

[Twinkle_]

I ask for it so really I shouldn't call him an animal.

 

Last night, after him telling me he wanted to marry me, we spoke, briefly.

 

I asked him if he loved me, straight answer, if not, fine, I'll walk out of his life. He said he didn't love me. Ok, so I left and went to another pub.

 

When I got there, I gave my mobile to the woman behind the bar and told her not to let me have it til I left, as I knew I'd probably text him.

 

Late on, when the pub was closing, my friends decided they wanted 1 more before they went home, and the only place still serving was the pub he had been in. I was sure he'd be home by then.

 

I got my phone back, and switched it on as I walked the short distance back. 2 texts came through from him, the first asking me to come back about 2 hours after I last saw him, and another from half an hour before asking if I wanted a chinese.

 

When we got in to the pub, I got a drink and sat down while my friends went to the toilet. He came over and took my drink, he told me I'd had enough. I admit, I was plastered. I'd been out with friends all day, I don't do it often. I told him to pi$$ off, who did he think he was trying to interfere.

 

Edit: I had to leave quickly last night so I didn't finish my post.

 

He gets plastered most nights, why shouldn't I enjoy myself, was with friends, nothing was going to happen to me.

 

He asked me to come home with him, to talk, so he could "make sure I was going to be ok" - I foolishly agreed.

 

When we got to his, he kissed me, and told me he loved me. I should have known what would happen next. We slept together. The whole time, he told me how much he loved me, I believed him. Straight afterwards it was made clear to me he never wanted to be with me, he didn't love me, and he never could. He wanted me to stay, but I couldn't. I felt so used. He told me I shouln't feel used as I should have known.

 

I left, and went to stay with a friend. I haven't heard from him since.

 

I'm so tired of crying for him. I wish i was strong enough to just wipe him out of my mind and move on, I seem unable to do that. Even after this, I'd still take him back.

[DN]

who did he think he was trying to interfere.

 

It sounds to me that he thinks, or at least thought, that he was a man who at least loves you enough to care about whether you are going to get yourself in trouble and that you were drunk and had had enough.

 

Of course, he may not feel like that now.

[Twinkle_]

I've finished my post. i had to leave quickly last night so didn't get a chance to finish it.

[Hope75]

He seems very inconsistant, and I don't think that's very fair to you. I think you now know what kind of trouble can start from you allowing yourself to get as impaired as you did and then seeing him.

 

If anything good comes from this, you know the truth now, and are going to be able to let him go and move forward with your life.

[Twinkle_]

I'm starting NC now. If he's ever going to come back he has a lot of things he needs to sort out, and I have some trust issues to deal with.

[Twinkle_]

Oh wow this feeling is crap. it's been over a month since we actually split, why am I not over this. I'm so angry with myself.

 

I'm posting here to keep myself sane, and to stop me from contacting him, from screaming at him how much he's hurt me, how I know I brought it all on myself.... yadda yadda yadda. Yawn, woman, you are so boring!

[minnie]

Just take one day at a time, keep putting one foot infront of the other.

 

When you go to call just remember how you felt the other night, and how he treated you. I think we all forget this when we get the urge to contact and somehow assume the person has changed - but they havent and we havent. You have to do this to keep your self respect and to built on it.

 

Dont give in xx

[Twinkle_]

I saw him last night. I went to meet a friend and he was there. we talked a little, but he couldn't look at me. After a while, we really got talking and he had to look at me.

 

I told him friday was a mistake, I was sorry, and it wouldn't happen again.

 

I had to catch my bus, so he waited with me. We spoke some more, we still love each other so much. I told him about me quitting escorting, he was quite pleased for me. I know its whats best for me, and if there was even a small chance of us getting back together, it'd be ruined by me carrying on doing this.

 

He told me if he wasn't in a band he'd marry me tomorrow. i don't see what the band has to do with things, i've always supported him in it, I've encouraged him, I built the band a website ffs, I've always known they would go on tour, I don't mind that, I knew it when I met him, I wouldn't change that about him. He's a very talented young man. I love his music.

 

I'm moving into the city in a few weeks, he won't be far behind me, but he has sme things to sort out before he goes so he'll be a few weeks after me. When we're both there, we're going to start fresh, and try again.

 

Part of me says I'm setting myself up to be hurt again, but I have to risk it. Even if it doesnt work out in the city, i'll be where I want to be anyway, i wanted to move anyway.

[plugger123]

To be honest if I would put myself in his shoes then it would mess me up pretty bad if I loved the woman that I was with. If you ask any man if he would like to have an escort as a girlfriend you will most likely get a resounding 'NO' with the majority of men out there. It's a major issue especially when it comes to trust. The general social norm is that sex workers are bad people that should be avoided at any cost. It's practically condemned by socieaty.

 

It sounds as if your ex can't make up his mind. (His confused) He is most likely in love with you and at the other end he dreads sharing you with some one else and his trust/faith in you has been broken. To him it might feel like he is or has been betrayed. On the other hand he might still be fighting the withdrawals from the love drug he got from you.

 

The best advice I can probably give you is to pick yourself up. Take all your courage, be strong and take the bull by the horns. Get out of the escort business, and if you find love again don't tell your man about the past as it will add baggage to the relatioship. Put it behind you and let sleeping dogs sleep away. Never look back.

 

From a man's point of view I would rather not my wife one day tell me that she was an escort. It would be to much to bear.

[Twinkle_]

Thank you for your reply plugger.

 

I Know what you mean. I totally understand that, which is why it is no more. My old work web site is going to be one educating people about the damage prostitution does to both the woman, and the people in her life. I'm well and truly out of it. I told him that.

 

I'm applying for more jobs every day, i'll have one in the city soon, I'm sure of it, then maybe we can make another go of things.

[Twinkle_]

We spoke last night. He text me saying he needed me, and that he wanted me to call him. I was on the phone at the time so he had to wait.

 

We chatted for a while about day to do things, when out of the blue he asked me what was wrong. I hadn't suggested there was anything wrong, but he knew something was bothering me. I didn't want to worry him but in the end he dragged it out of me. I wish he hadn't, I really don't want him to worry, I don't want anyone to worry.

 

He's being very supportive, which is nice of him. I'm seeing him tonight, with mutual friends, we're all going for a drink together. I got my period yesterday so at least I know something will stop me from wanting to sleep with him.

[Twinkle_]

We spent the night together last night.

 

I was actually meeting his brother (who I was friends with before I met the ex) for a drink, and he was there.

 

We had a few drinks, and a laugh. He said I could stay at his, he'd sleep on the couch, so i didn't have to pay for a taxi home, only on the condition that I wouldn't get the wrong idea, no matter wha he said. He told me when we've spent the night together in the past few weeks, he's said everything will be fine at the time, but when he wakes up next morning, he can't do it, he said he just feels different. I told him I couldn't promise not to be hurt the next morning if he lied to me the night before, and left. My sisters boyfriend was having his 18th birthday party in the bar down the road, so I went there for a bit.

 

People were arguing, I don't know what had gone on at the party but couples all around me were arguing. I sat, in silence until I'd finished my drink. The ex text me to ask why I left, I told him I'd changed my mind, I'm fine. I went back to where he was, and we spoke a bit more. I had a laugh and a dance with some of the other girls there. He asked if I was ok and what was going on. I told him I was fine, but I didn't love him anymore. A lie. he kept telling me he loved me, how amazing I was, how perfect I was for him, but I said nothing back, I was determined to enjoy myself.

 

He tried to kiss me, I moved away so he couldn't, still he was telling me how much he loved me and that he wished we could be together, still wanting us to get married etc.

 

We went back to his, where I borrowed a tshirt and got into his bed, he said he'd stay and talk to me for a bit then go to bed. He told me how much he loved me, how if he wasn't in a badn he'd marry me tomorrow (again), how he's so sorry for everything he's done (I told him i was sorry too), that he's glad I'm getting stronger, how when we move into town we can maybe get back together and move in together, I told him, no. He kept trying to kiss me, I kept moving my head away. He got tired of this and in the end just asked to kiss me.

 

After a while, he got into bed next to me. We kissed, cuddled, and messed about (keeping my underwear on!), as much as I didn't want to (well, you know) I orgasmed twice. We talked about the things we used to get up to, and were up til very early this morning. I told him, no way were we going to sleep together, no way.

 

I woke up at 9am in his arms. He had to work at 1 so I left at 12.30. I don't know when I'll see him again, I didn't ask.