jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 why does it keep happening to me, arrrgggghhh my bf of 7 months broke up with me this morning and i cant take this pain, when we got together he was so into me and said he loved me from the start, he brought me so many things, said so many nice things, looked after me would do anything for me! then suddenly out the blue he says he doesnt want a relationship, doesnt feel the same anymore, yet hes done so much to prove he does right up until today. we talked about marrige he said he would tomorrow if i said yes, gettin a place together. so i just dont get it! what does it mean?? iv begged him to give me a chance, i have got nothing but blame in my head, was it my fault all the times i took my bad day out on him, the fact i needed time to see he wouldnt hurt me, all the things i did wrong what am i going to do please help i cant stop crying i love him so much i feel so empty i cant imagine life without him Link to comment
Bigbilly Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Welcome to eNotalone. And lemme tell you right now; !!STOP!! Stop begging, stop trying to work it out, stop trying to get him to explain it, stop trying to get an analyzation ...just stop. I know, it's hard as hell, and it's probably the most painful thing that's ever happened to you, but take it from me and from everyone else here that it is going to get you absolutely nowhere. All the begging, the open display of emotions, everything ...all it's going to do is chase him further and further away. Even if you did manage to "win him back", it would be out of guilt on his part, and all you would do is drag out the inevitable. Do you have some friends you can go talk too? Family? Anyone? Go to them, they will help you. You're in a lot of shock and pain right now, and you're in no condition to do anything except wait for the immediacy to subside so your rationale can return. Link to comment
arwen Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Hey jacs, I am sorry for your pain. Don't put all the blame on yourself. Things were as they were, maybe you will learn for another relationship how to try not to take bad days out on the person. But this is a common thing to do, they are the closest to you, and you feel the most comfortable around them to let go of the emotions of your day. Maybe you can find a way to deal with these things other than your partner, like doing sports. It helps to clear the mind. However, if you have a bad day, you should still be able to talk to your partner about it. Maybe he just had enough for the moment. If he was sincere about getting married just a short while ago, the distance and not being together now might help him in his decision whether he wants to or not. I think sometimes distance can really be a great eye-opener. I suggest to do the no-contact thing that you will read about on this forum. Many of us are going through similar situations, I hope you can find the support that you need. Take care, Ilse. Link to comment
Itsok Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Awh goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that. Remember that this is still such a shock and that's why you are so upset right now, it will be alright! Go talk to a friend, pour your heart out in a diary, etc. You really just need to vent your frustrations and upsetness about the whole thing at this moment when it's so fresh in your mind. Do some self care...take a bath, read a book, go for a walk, and most importantly,talk to someone. This board is super helpful. Stick around and chat some today. Search for some articles online for helping you heal, or helping you decide what to do. Importantly, NO CONTACT. Do that right away and save yourself the pain and grief later on. Hugs!!! Itsok link removed link removed Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 im so hurt this is my 3rd relationship in 3 years what am i doing wrong, what is it about me?is it because im so ugly? telling me he doesnt want a relationship just sounds like an excuse, i have got so many questions, i got so used to seeing him at the weekend now hes not going to be around. i have friends but my family live so far away. i hate my job too i feel so depressed. it was my birthday thurs just gone he brought me a heart anklet, what changed so quick please someone has to help me answer these questions in my head cos its driving me mad ill never move on if i cant work it out Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 I agree with BigBilly. Give him what he wants. When My fiance broke up with me I BEGGED AND PLEADED and tried making him feel bad for putting me in the state I was in. He wanted space...and I didn't give it too him..which pushed him away even more. 3 months later...I realized this wasn't working...don't make the same mistake I did. I stopped...he would call to invite me over I told him NO! I wanted him to have his space so he could love me again. I stayed away from him for only a week...and things....are going back to the way they were before we started fighting. Amazingly 1 week of giving him what he wants...worked. I know 1 week might not work for you because every guy is different...but be the girl he feel in love with don't beg...makes you look weak! I didn't realize this until it was almost too late. Things for us are going great...he held my hand in public yesturday...something he hardly did when we were official! GOOD LUCK And if you need someone to talk to I'm here...I know how it feels. Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 what does "i dont want a relationship anymore" really mean when he acted like it was fine until today Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 i cant stop crying how do i focus on myself rather than whats happened today, how do i fix things Link to comment
Jonboy582 Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Ahh I know how you feel. My girlfiend and I recently split up, and it was due to her suddenly one day not loving me. It hurts soo much to love someone with all ya heart for only them to say they no longer feel the same way. You feel stupid for lovng them upset about them leaving and all that, then you worry about what do u tell friends and family. All I can say is get it all out as quick as possible so u can start to heal, also ask him where things went wrong why he stopped loving you so u dont have these thoughts running round and round and round in ya head. Thats th only way you can find inner peace I found. Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 i hate myself so much it took me so long to trust he wouldnt hurt me and i was just beginning to let the barriers down hes hurt me so bad my heart is so broken please what am i going to do Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 but people are different, i must have done something wrong cos why else would it end? Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 mayb he felt he couldnt tell me cos of the way i was? why did i have to fall for someone that sucked me in made me believe he loved me then just spit me out like i meant nothing to him cos i obviously blatently never did Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 please tell me how do i fix that? i had to have councilling for thatt before, i cant have gone back there? please no, what do i do to fix it for good? Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 will he ever come bk? Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 yes because he completes me, i feel empty at the thought of him not there, i miss his company, his conversation, i miss everything i cant stop thinkin about the good times why cant he be thinking the same Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 im so used to him being around, yet again i have another failed relationship to tell friends and family, and as time goes on and i get older and older my chances get less and less i want to have a family, my own house,children now i have to go thro the motions again of meeting someone new gettin to know them, lettin them see my bad habits and meeting my/his family and friends and that will happen i dont know how many times till im too old for anything anymore Link to comment
the_dude007 Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Sorry, going to be hard here. It's been one day. And yes it hurts. try to hear what the folks here are saying. Don't be alone, try to be with friends /family. It's only just begun. But the great thing is - we have you from Day I! Congrats, at least it didn't take you three months of begging / pleading, etc etc and then find this site. Have a look around in here, you'll definitely find you "are not alone" Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 im so grateful to everyone here,i have got so many questions going around in my head i guess the bigest one is why am i just not good enough Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 how did u feel better? i feel like theres just no point in me living my life anymore Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 how does the no contact work, if u dont contact them wont they think you dont care? if u dont tell them how u feel then they might think well she was never bothered then Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 more i think about things the more dumb i feel, we met througha website faceparty and even then he messaged me saying hi please reply sorta message argh why did i. he did things to hurt me, he went out with his friends one nite to a club and said the most horrendous things, he was meant to come and see my parents with me but he never showed up but then i after bein angry with him forgave him. i told him it had made me lose those "fuzzy" feelings and he after me makin him see what a fool he had been worked to get them back between us. why cant he forgive me for my faults when i did with him Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 i dont know any answers, how am i gonna find a guy that really likes me for who i am, sees past my bad traits, that i like too and that most importantly wont lie or cheat. iv been hurt so much in the past with guys that have cheated is life always going to be full of goin out with guys whos just gonna wake up to how much of a bad person i am and walk away like i meant nothing to them Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 are there any guys out there that dont treat women badly i seem to havee met all the bad apples are there any good ones are there any that dont lie and cheat and tell me things that arent true, how am i EVER gonna trust what a guy says to me again, please tell me will i even do that? Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 what will he be thinking right now himself? Link to comment
jacs82 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 please help me answer my questions my pain isnt even 24hrs old im so grateful i found this website cos iv stopped crying now but my heart is still in a million pieces Link to comment
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