Should I call her more?

[Rickster]

Im at the stage where we are friends. We talk like friends do. We joke and laugh and tell each other what we did. But I don't know whether I should call her more. I dont want her to think that Im trying to get back with her. Nor do I want to make her feel like Im not giving her space. Shes got a new bf for about 7 months already. Although she contacts me about things she needs to ask. Most of the time I call her, but it's for a personal chat. She replies me like shes quite happy to talk to me. She asks me questions and stuff when I call her. I just don't feel like I should because she hasn't given me that signal, by calling me for a personal chat.

 

So Im confused as to whether I should still back off, or whether I should call her more often.

[Bigbilly]

I think that if she's moved forward and found a new boyfriend, you owe it to yourself to move forward and maybe find a new girlfriend. More importantly, you need to grow a bit, live a little, and stop waiting, hoping that her new relationship is gonna end and she's gonna come flying home to you.

 

Sounds a bit harsh, I know. Trust me though, it's for the best. And I wonder, are you truly friends, or is it mostly just the hope of one day getting her back that is keeping you tied to her like this? Be honest with yourself, and ask yourself if it's really making you happy. Moving on and trying new relationships does *wonders* for the self-esteem, from one dumpee to another.

 

If she's calling you a bunch about her new boyfriend, I can see her buying you a one-way ticket to Friendsville (NOT a good thing). Doesn't she have other friends she can talk to about her new beau, why does it have to be you? Make her see that you aren't like some old hound waiting on the porch for her to come home when she's finished having her fun. Have some of your own.

[Stinkweed]

I think you're doing fine as is... Don't call her more, cause, well, there's nor reason to... or is there? I think you guys moved on... And if there are some lingering feelings, you should let go of those too... Best of luck.

[Stinkweed]

Make her see that you aren't like some old hound waiting on the porch for her to come home when she's finished having her fun. Have some of your own.

 

Oh, and ditto on that one...

[lady00]

So, I am assuming that since you posted in the "getting back together" section that you want to get back together with your ex even though you don't explicitly say so in your post so the following advice is based on that assumption. Sorry if I misinterpreted that.

 

Shes got a new bf for about 7 months already.

 

It really sounds like this is the key issue here. She already has a new bf and they've been together for a decent amount of time. I don't think you should invest too much energy into trying to get back together with her or strategizing about how much or how little you should talk to her...right now it seems like she's settled into a new relationship and she's happy to be friends with you but I think you're setting yourself up to be hurt if you are trying to get her back.

[darkblue]

She has moved on - you are the supportive ex.

Stop holding on to hope and move on.

 

You aren't doing yourself any good by clinging to her, when you could be out dating etc.

[Bethany]

What you want to talk to your ex for? Who cares what she's up to anymore?You sound like a real nice guy, maybe even too nice. She's dating someone else, choose them over you, so move on and get out there and find that cute GF you deserve.

[heloladies21]

She has a new man so it's a done deal. No chance to get back together at this point. Time to go No Contact for real and then you'll be able to start moving on.

[Rickster]

"Make her see that you aren't like some old hound waiting on the porch for her to come home when she's finished having her fun. Have some of your own." This is what I wanted. I know my begging and pleading won't help, and that's not my intentions. There is no true love when you beg someone to love you. I care about her because I love her. Im having my fun, talking to her, becoming closer friends with the friends both of us know from school and having friends in college.

 

I don't feel like I want to have another gf. It's out of respect and my pride for being with her, nor do I want to make her feel jealous. Please don't tell me that she's done it to me, so why don't I do the same to her. This only makes extra arguments and it's not going to make anything better, only worse.

 

Yes, Im happy that we become close friends. I believe that if Im close friends with her, maybe we might get back together. Im happy to be friends, and happy to become a friend. If Im ever going to become her friend I still need to maintain good contact with her.

 

I think you guys are right, Ill just call her just as much as now. Im doing fine. "If she's calling you a bunch about her new boyfriend, I can see her buying you a one-way ticket to Friendsville" Infact I find this very good. If she is talking to me about her current bf, it shows that we are close friends to let me in on her personal things, plus she might be talking about her dislikes. It doesn't make me feel sad when she talks about this, makes me happy to know that Im let into her personal life. But she hasn't talked about him (only once, which I screwed up). It's a very long story how we broke up. It was a 2.5 year relationship and I moved away to further studies. We loved each other to bits, but because of the long distance and the time difference, it was difficult to keep in touch. She told a friend that she understood that we couldn't call each other too much, because it was expensive and that the time difference was really bad. So then 6 months later she broke up because she told me she couldn't stand the long distance. I was left stranded in a different country. Begged, pleaded, made things worst went suicidal all because she told me that she broke up with me and about 2 weeks later she told me that she kind of had a bf. I moved back to the country she was in (I was originally from there). I had a strong feeling that she still loved me even though she broke up with me, she even told me that she still had some feelings for me, but because of what I did, that close boy friend became her bf. Plus, I started questioning why she who was this guy and why she did some weird stuff. So I made it even worst by kind of controlling her. I can more or less tell the story how she got with him. She was scared to let me go. It's difficult to talk to her because we have different friends, in different colleges, she hardely keeps in touch with the school friends we know, we hardely see each other.. so it's like she can't really tell me what her friends did, or what my friends did, because we don't know each other friends. I feel like Ive done my bit of NC already(2 weeks to clear my mind), had enough of it, and now Im showing her what my true character is, the character she once fell in love with.

 

Infact today I just met up with her cause she had my cd, and I needed it, so like she passed it back to me, it was only for like 20 seconds cause she had classes. But she made the effort to give it back when she had classes. She talked to me like she was very happy to talk to me. It was kind of funny. I enjoyed just meeting up even though it was 20 seconds. I know that she was happy, my mind isn't playing with me. I have my mind clear for the past 2 months.

[selfi]

Im all up for having hope- ,heck, *all I do everynight is wish apon a star,* however, life isnt like the movie The Notebook.

If anything, if you move on, get another GF it may just open her eyes.

[nataliejulie]

I say keep it friendly, don't get your hopes up and no more contact than what you have now. Look for your best interest.

[Rickster]

selfi - Im not looking for love that comes from jealousy.

 

nataliejulie - Ive heard you inspired some people already. I think very pesimistic nowadays. I believe it's the best for me, if I don't expect it and it happens I'll be very happy, so I like to look at it that way. From what everyone has told me including my sister, I don't think I'll call her more than what I'm doing. Once or twice a week and no more, until I get calls from her for a personal chat. "Look for your best interest", what do you mean?

[biacd]

meaning take care of yourself. everything should be about u, and not your ex. don't say things like "i wont get a gf out of respect for her"

 

thats what it means

[Rickster]

well im going on fine. this is how im taking care of myself