Strippers

[miss bella]

I have a problem with my BF & strippers. He says he doesn't like going as he feels embarrassed, but his friends like to go & he wants to be a part of the male bonding thing. He says he doesn't like it, then why does he take photos with his phone & send them to his mates & they do the same to him. He has been approx. 6 times in the past year. Once I asked him not to go as I was feeling self conscieous, & he promised me he wouldn't, then the next day he told me he went anyway.

What goes on in strip clubs? Is looking at me not enough for him? Do guys compare their girlfriends bodies to strippers? And do they think things like, I wish my partners had her %$&* bits? Any insight would be appreciated.

[lunatic]

Well I don't know what happens where your from but, in New Jersey the women are wearing bikini's and lingerie. Why not go to the club with him so you can settle your curiosity. What I can tell you is that most of the women in those clubs only want your mans money. I have gone with my ex and she was hit on by every stripper. Well just about every one.

[mudpie]

been to a few with some guy friends, they are completely naked at the ones around here and gross.

 

The guys usually just sit there, unless they pay more money for lap dances and vip stuff.

[Cynder]

I wouldn't worry about it. I have known a few strippers in my day. They have all been nasty. Guys go to strip clubs to goof off and be guys.

[spiderman_56]

lol... well if you are that curious go with him...it might actually be a turn on ..lol

nah .u shouldn't worry about it ...when guyz goes to a strip club it's just to goof and toy with the stripper ... it does not compare and is not even remotely close to the feelings he might feel for u ..

when i go out to a strip it's just to jerk around with the boyz ...

and as a good gentleman my woman is alwayz invited ... lol

[miss bella]

I have asked him to take me for a look to satisfy my curiosity, and he said no.

[HajiMaji]

beyond this stripper issue, it seems like hes not respecting you so much. You asked him not to go, he said he wouldnt but then did anyway. Thats not the coolest thing to do. I wish that he would take a look at your needs a bit more.

[ShySoul]

Men go to strip clubs to live out fantasies, the thought of a girl walking around half naked and inviting you for a sexual lap dance or them stripping off their clothes on stage for the men to oogle at. It's nothing real, the guys just want to get a sexual thrill and most girls do it for the money. Depending on where you are and the dancer guys could be paying for "extras" but your guy doesn't sound like he would be doing that stuff.

 

The real issue is him lying about it to you. He says he doesn't like to go. Either he is lying about it and trying to tell you what he thinks you want to hear, or its more likely that he feels really pressured to fit in with the guys. Guys can be heavily pressured to do that stuff by their friends, and it can be hard to say no. And once in there, it's easy to get caught up in the atmosphere. Talk this over with him, tell him how much you dislike it. You deserve to have him be completely honest with you about going. And if you really want to know, you could go with him. May make him uncomfortable and change his mind about going.

[Vanilla]

personally i am not a fan of strip clubs.

 

my man and i have discussed this and we both agree on either one of us not going. we expect the same from eachother and are happy like this.

 

if it really bothers you he should respect that and stop going.

 

I don't see why its NECESSARY for men to have to go to strip clubs to goof off. Why can't they go play pool and goof off? Or go to a sporting event, fishing etc etc?

 

Don't accept ANYTHING you feel is disrespectful. How much personality does your boyfriend have that he can't just pass up going to the strip clubs with his buddies?

 

Plus i just think its such a waste of money spenbding on those flusies that he could be spending on you and taking you somewhere nice.

 

I just want women to understand that they shouldnt take things that personally affects their self esteem. You don't have to say this is ok it means a lot to him. Its a damn strip club.

 

You're not asking him to stop seeing his friends, you are not asking him to stay with you all the time, you're simply asking him not to go to a strip club. I dont think thats unreasoinable.

 

I dont know how important this is to you, but if it is very- then you need to tell him and make your decisions by whaty he chooses to do and how much respect he has for you.

 

some women dont mind this, and some do- the point is that both partners agree and discuss these issues BEFORE they happen so each one can know what the other expects, and what is and isnt appropiate and accepted.

[Luciana]

How much personality does your boyfriend have that he can't just pass up going to the strip clubs with his buddies?

 

I agree with Schatziek 100%. That is an old excuse, that the other guys are going. Is he that dependant on male approval? If they tell him to jump off a very high bridge which can kill him is he going to do it too?

 

I just think it is DAMN disrespectful for ANY man in a committed relationship to go cavort with these women. If they are single and need to feel horny, so be it.

 

Does my BF really want me to go look at other men's penises up close? I don't think so...

 

Lap dances are almost like having sex. It is very up and close. Why not start swining and plain cheating next?

 

My motto: anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, listen to your feelings.

[nataliejulie]

I'll never forget the first and only time I went to a strip club.

 

Every single man there reminded me of feeding time at the Ape House at the zoo.

[RooferGirl23]

My sister in law was a stripper for about 11 years, and the men that go there are simply customers, money, to them, they really dont care or are looking for long term love with any of them. For the stripper its a job, for the man its entertainment.

Go with your guy. That will help.

[nataliejulie]

My sister in law was a stripper for about 11 years, and the men that go there are simply customers, money, to them, they really dont care or are looking for long term love with any of them. For the stripper its a job, for the man its entertainment.

Go with your guy. That will help.

 

If she's uncomfortable she shouldn't have to go just to please him. Besides, guys go to be guys. They can't be "guys" infront of their girlfriend.

 

 

 

I know strippers. I even know porno actresses. After seeing what they do, I don't think they respect themselves. When I went to a club, they were doing sex acts on stage, completely nude. They were touching guys (they can't touch them). Man, I am not cool with some stripper touching my man's most private of privates.

Not only that, with what I've seen, strippers go around after their dance and allow the men to suck whipped cream off their VAGINAS BREASTS

 

Sorry, this is total cheating to me.

 

Maybe try to check out the place on your own to see what kind of actions go down.

[miss bella]

The other day I found on my camera phone a photo. The phone used to be his. There was a picture taken in someones backyard of a group of guys sitting in a circle watching a naked girl on all fours on top of a guy (like the 69 position). The picture was taken in July last year when we first started seeing each other.

He always told me he was embarrassed by strippers and felt uncomfortable. But in the photo, obviously taken by him, he is sitting in the front in the circle, taking photos and the photo was sent to his email address.

I don't know what to think of this, I feel lied to. Was everything he told me a lie so he could go to these things? What should I do? I haven't told him what I have found yet.

[newts]

Hi,

 

I use to feel the same way about strip clubs as you do. Whilst I'm not a fan of my partner frequenting this places on a regular basis, they are pretty tame and the boy's not the dirty old men usually go there to goof around together.

 

The reason I feel confident of a partner going to these type of places on certain occasions like stag parties etc... I my partner and his friends were going to a strip club for one of his friends birthdays, I didn't want him to go so he said look, I don't care if I go or not, so why don't you come with me and see that it's not as bad as people make out. So I did, and it's true they aren't that bad, still not my scene, however, I am glad I experienced it.

 

If your boyfriend wont let you go with him, ask your friends to go with you and see what it's all about and how men act when they are in these places, I think it will put your mind at ease.

[Jessy]

I have asked him to take me for a look to satisfy my curiosity, and he said no.

 

So go with your own group of guys... I'm sure your male friends would love to have you tag along.

[annie24]

I'll never forget the first and only time I went to a strip club.

 

Every single man there reminded me of feeding time at the Ape House at the zoo.

LMAO!!!!

[OceanEyes]

I think strip clubs will differ everywhere you go. It's hard to say what type your man may be frequenting, unless you actually go there.

 

If you're up to it, ask a girlfriend to go for a drink with you there on the weekend. It could go either way really, either you're going to feel more at ease, or it's going to make things worse.

 

My first serious boyfriend used to frquent strip clubs, and I had absolutely no problem with it. In fact, I think I even encouraged it at the time (he was a bit of a recluse and it seemed to give him something fun to do). It wasn't until I surprised him there with a couple of girlfriends that I changed my tune; when I walked in he had some dirty strippers boobs in his face, her leg up over his shoulder (which was something we agreed was over the line). I believe it was that exact moment that broke all trust I had in him, and actually screwed up my ability to trust other men in general. That was something I just couldn't help, and let's just say that we didn't last another month after that.

 

Anyhow, my point here is that if you have an serious problem with it, it will do (or him) no good to just sit on it and let it eat away at you. Just because some other women are okay with it will give you no comfort when your man is off at one of these clubs. YOU will be the woman affected, so understand that you're the one calling the shots. All I can say, is that if he doesn't stop going, you either have to deal with it (seems pathetic in a way) or take steps of removing yourself from the source of pain (seems unreasonable and very difficult). Either way, it's your decision to make.

[metalblade]

Oh girl I hear ya!! I'm just getting out of a relationship with a Stripper Addict and lemme tell ya!! he'll NEVER change!! I thought mine did for a while till he came home one night reeking of cheap perfume and beer. At first he told me that he'd gone to the pub down the street, but then he finally admitted he'd been to the strip club, but "just to see his friend who worked there" and the perfume was cause she came up and gave him a hug.

When we first met, he came off as this shy, sweet nerdy sort who never had any luck with the girls and was a gentleman all the way.

then, once we moved in together, everything changed.. he went away to his hometown about every couple of weeks (an hour away) to "blow off steam" with his buddies and after one of these excursions, ended up bringing back some very interesting photgraphs on our digital camera.. there were pics of girls' bums (he insisted his friend nicked his camera and snapped those shots) and a few of him with some college girl all hugged up on him like they were a couple. WE didn't even have pictures like that together!!!

Turns out he TOTALLY misrepresnted himself and was actually not a gentleman, but a porn addict who, during our whole relationship was flirting with and asking out other girls behind my back. So watch out.. your man seems like on of those masogynistic frat-boy party types and you'll never change him, the more you object, the more careful he'll be to ensure you don't find out. He will do it anyway till he gets it out of his system.

[JadedStar]

I have asked him to take me for a look to satisfy my curiosity, and he said no.

 

 

Wow. I don't blame you for being even more angst ridden about it.

 

Personally, these places are a deal breaker for me. I don't need that kind of stress in my life. But if i asked to go with him if for some reason he went, and he said no, i'd be gutted.

[JadedStar]

A great response for this OP.

[anggrace]

I have asked him to take me for a look to satisfy my curiosity, and he said no.

 

What???? Why not? Have you set boundries as to what crossing the line? I think its pretty selfish that he wants to indulge in other women and wont let you have any part in it.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

What the strippers are wearing vary from place to place. You have the ones where the dancers are free to wear their birthday suits, and then you have the dancers who can only go topless.

 

My best friend used to dance. And everyone else is right. The women will woo anyone, be they tall, short, fat, thin, ugly, hot, etc., if they know they'll get some cash out of the situation.

 

But pay no mind to that. I'm not sure if the issue is whether strip joints are "ok" to go to. That's a very personal opinion. What I'd be more concerned about is the fact that your husband lied to you. I think this needs to be addressed first.

 

He needs to understand that the male bonding doesn't always require the presense of strippers! Maybe you can suggest that he initiate a new/different thing for him and his guy friends to do? Bowling, golfing, sports bars, etc.?

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

What???? Why not? Have you set boundries as to what crossing the line? I think its pretty selfish that he wants to indulge in other women and wont let you have any part in it.

 

He might feel embarrassed if she goes with him. Maybe he's worried that his friends will think that his wife is a nag, or maybe he just feels uncomfortable with his wife watching him ogle over other women! I am not saying that these reasons are justifiable (I am taking steps to keep my opinions of men going to strip clubs OUT of this post)-- I'm only listing some possibilities as to why he doesn't want his wife to go with him.

 

Either way, him telling her that he doesn't want her to go with him makes the situation even worse.

[JadedStar]

He might feel embarrassed if she goes with him. Maybe he's worried that his friends will think that his wife is a nag, or maybe he just feels uncomfortable with his wife watching him ogle over other women! I am not saying that these reasons are justifiable (I am taking steps to keep my opinions of men going to strip clubs OUT of this post)-- I'm only listing some possibilities as to why he doesn't want his wife to go with him.

 

Either way, him telling her that he doesn't want her to go with him makes the situation even worse.

 

he sounds like a little boy who doesn't want mommy to see what he does when he is away from her.

 

i'll be honest, his saying no she can't go would be as bad or worse than him going at all.

 

that is ridiculous. is he afraid bambi might come up to him and shove her boob in his mouth and call him by his first name? he is hiding something i do believe, that is why he doesn't want her to go.