WHY AM I SO ANTI-SOCIAL?

[Silverbirch]

Current man in my life is very much like this. He doesn't drink, and he says he has always been like this even as a child. He has a best friend who he has had for years, but says that when his friend has been there for an hour, he runs out of things to talk about and feels very awkward wishing that his friend would go. He is like that with everybody, but to a much lesser degree with me - but that is very likely because I know what a big issue it is for him and usually know when to give space. I don't see myself as super outgoing although other people tell me they find me that way - I do though generally like most people whereas my current man will say often that he doesn't like most people and he definitely prefers animals to people.

[FYI]

She just had this really constant need to be surrounded by a cluster of her friends, constant social exchanges/interactions and always wanting to be into everything that's going on. But I'm not like that, Grand. I'm really just not that kind of guy and I explained that to her. I work in a very high-stress environment and I deal with people all day and every single day that I'm at work. So when I'm off, I like to relax and I like my peace and quiet. I can certainly go sit in my room at the far end of the house, open up my book and read. Or listen to some music and just relax, sip on some wine. I like things like that, I don't like to be out some party late at night.

 

What killed me about this when we were still together was that she would always say when it came to her friends, I have to. I have to go even when I don't want to. Of course I rebuttle with why? Her response was that based on her occupation/work it was deemed socially unacceptable to not be present at many of these outings of her friends. It's how they build connections and network. I can understand that and I don't have a problem going sometime but not all the effing time. And of course, I told you I need somebody that I can take around my friends and take with me out to functions and stuff, you're too anti-social.

 

I'm about to be anti-YOU in a minute.

[SeattleSigh]

Wow, I feel like I found a home in this thread. I am this way, too. I can be really social if I want, but it doesn't matter to me, so I am not. I love my own company or the company of one person whom I really care about, but that's it.

[Moonphase]

I'm not exactly "anti-social", but I can relate to not wanting to hang out with groups of people. I find most people my age to be mind-numbing, shallow, and only interested in things like drinking and clubbing. Things that I just DO NOT enjoy. I'd rather stay at home with one best friend or a few close friends playing video games and poker, or hang out by myself and play video games, read, or browse ENA haha.

I don't have many friends because not a lot of people around here are into quiet nights at home.

Looking back, I think I've always matured faster than my peers, and I've always had trouble relating to them.

[pl3asehelp]

You're just introverted and there's nothing wrong with that. You are in the minority though so most people won't understand and will think there's something wrong with you. Develop enough self confidence and you won't care what they think.

[Tacit Blue]

OP, for what (little) it's worth, I can say that I relate 100% to what you're feeling. In fact, your post, taken word-for-word, describes me perfectly.

 

Every day I get more and more introverted and some days I feel like I would be perfectly OK if I simply lost every friend I had (though at the same time, I do like my friends a lot, and they have helped me out many times). I never get invited to parties, but when I do, I make up some excuse to not go (I did this once for my own birthday party). On outings I, like you, feel like it's expected of me to be the entertainment for the group because I've been dubbed (for better or worse) "The Funny One", and it really just makes me feel like a court jester. I used to drink to loosen up, but I really dislike the way I get when drunk so now I don't even touch alcohol.

 

Can't offer much in the way of advice, as I'm still like that and probably always will be, but I can offer solidarity. Truth told, I'm getting used to being a shut-in. It's become part of my comfort zone and I'm accepting it. Don't know if that's good or not, but I probably wouldn't recommend you follow my footsteps.

[IsThisReaLife]

I'm aware this is an old topic but I can't get over how much this entire thing narrates my life for the past 5 years. I could hold phone conversations for hours in grade school up till highschool, now I don't even own a phone (cell or home) because I simply cannot stand talking through them (the long akward silences *shivers*). It's bothering how I used to be the life of conversations and enjoy getting together with friends but now I'd give any excuse not to. I'd much rather stay at home and occupy myself with video games than go get wasted at bars/partys, I don't drink alcohol because it's simply unnecassary and a terrible habit to get into. I have only have one true friend who couldn't be closer to a brother than being blood related. Part of me wants to be that guy who's friends with everyone and always looking for a good time but it's just simply not what I like, like if I meet some people and find out I'm uninterested in them after getting to know them I'm trapped into those bull**** small talk conversations until they wonder why I stop aknowledging them. I feel alot of hate for the people I find myself surrounded by on a regular basis (school) and I'm not sure if it's jealousy of their social lives or just the fact that my generation is the worst. I KNOW I can make friends with just about anyone but it's just so much better not to, so many social ties to upkeep and so much social drama, just leave me out of it. I'll end of this wall of text by saying I'm not some obese slob who's accepted lonleyness (I'm not too hard on the eye's if I may say so myself) it just so happens there's not alot of people worth making friends with anymore and that I feel better knowing there are some others sharing these feels.

[Capricorn3]

IsThisRealLife: It would be a good idea to start your own thread if you want responses to your post. Thanks. This thread is 8 years old. Closed.