Share your progress here!

[selfi]

first of all biacd im so happy for you! reading your post has made me quite content, and you deserve all the progress you get

 

secondly, it was actually NJulie who advised me to ask him about us, which of course was entirely disappointing. i knew i was taking a big chance and took it and am now dealing with the consequenses in the worst way possible.

so i will definitely not contact him myself this weekend (which i guess means we arent gonna be talking.)

 

at this point all the outside advice i receive is that 'He Is Not Worth It. ' I understand (sorta) where they are coming from alas I think he is,and, if i keep hoping and staying postive then prehaps he'll come around.

[biacd]

GREAT.

 

 

 

she tells me we shouldn't try again. now im so phucking hurt. omg im so confused.

[nataliejulie]

first of all biacd im so happy for you! reading your post has made me quite content, and you deserve all the progress you get

 

secondly, it was actually NJulie who advised me to ask him about us, which of course was entirely disappointing. i knew i was taking a big chance and took it and am now dealing with the consequenses in the worst way possible.

so i will definitely not contact him myself this weekend (which i guess means we arent gonna be talking.)

 

at this point all the outside advice i receive is that 'He Is Not Worth It. ' I understand (sorta) where they are coming from alas I think he is,and, if i keep hoping and staying postive then prehaps he'll come around.

 

It's good you asked about where you two may stand. He was giving you a boat load of mixed signals, why wait and suffer around it?

 

And by not expecting anything, it reduces that chance of hurt and disappointment!

[Rickster]

*update*

 

something weird just happened last night. well i went out with 2 of my other friends to eat dinner at a restaurant near my ex's college (it's like right under her college so she always goes there). my ex wasnt in the restaurant, but then i kind of recognised her friend that i only met once when she introduced me a long time back but i wasnt sure if it was her. then like after a few minutes i get a text from my ex saying "where are you?". so it's like im pretty sure my ex still talks to friends about me. and why would she care about texting me asking where am i. so this just gives me that extra bit of hope, no doubt she has a bf. then like i sent her a text telling her im eating at that restaurant with my friends and i asked why. and she text me back saying "nothing my friend just saw you". the texts were brief, but i feel like the lines of communication are open.

 

should i take advantage and just call her abit more? im scared she might be thinking the same as me. that she is worried to call me. that she has nothing to say. i don't think i should actually start talking about us to her, i still feel that it will push her away. i dont know when to get closer to her because im scared that if i get slightly closer she might feel awkward.

 

ive learnt not to expect anything. i feel that it will hurt me if i dont get what i expect and on top of that it just makes you push more to get what you want. which is bad.

[biacd]

Well, i'm back with my ex. She asked me out today, and out of the blue she asked if i wanted to get back together. i gave up totally on her, so i was really really taking a LONG time to think about it.

 

 

anyways we're back together!

[coooolsome]

Biacd

 

Congratulations. Make sure you take it slow and try to figure out why you two broke up in the first place. Lots of times, people get back together without fixing what went wrong and the issues are still there.

[fadedfantasy]

Well me and my ex went out to a movie last week, things went ok.. but its been a week NC again. I don't know if he is shy or uninterested. I really can't stand it when he ignores my emails and phone calls. Last time he tried to call me he had a hard time with it, he said his voice sounded weird or something and let his sis talk for him. At the movie his sis. was pretty rude and cruel to me. In the mean time Im starting to get really depressed, I've been in bed a lot now and lost ten pounds. I felt that I needed to vent and made the mistake of sending him about a 1000 word email expressing my feelings. Im trying my best to finally put the relationship to an end, but knowing I will never see or talk to him again really hurts b/c I use to believe his was my soul mate.

[selfi]

i must be a fool because i dont learn from my mistakes.

 

it was our last day of school today, and after it ended the ex asked if i wanted to get something to eat with him. so together we ate and talked merrily. then we sat down at the park for a bit before going home. we hugged and play fought etc etc. twas so much fun.

 

but as i had to leave i started to get emotional again: i told him stuff like i want to 'spend more time' with him, 'its felt like too long apart' and that 'i miss kissing him'.

he as usual just nods silently.

then my train came and i didnt get on it because i still wanted to spend more time with him. he was so disappointed in me and was just a LAME thing to do.

 

i told him that i want to see him these holidays and he said he does too but not as much as me

then i said that i wanted to ring him and once and for all talk about us properly. he said he doesnt want to and to just let him think about things.

 

what sort of human being spends time with another person they know loves them; flirts with them, buys them lunch and continues to act somewhat like a boyfriend then bales when it comes time to telling me how he feels? ?? ? is this what all men do?

[biacd]

i dont know. maybe it might not be a good thing to get back with the ex afterall.

 

 

well, i don't feel any interest for my ex(currently gf) anymore.

 

 

 

 

hope all goes well.

[danylion]

[well, i don't feel any interest for my ex(currently gf) anymore. quote].

 

re above from biacd:

Its funny how that can happen, you break up and you concentrate so hard on the no contact and somehow they end up on a pedastal, you want to speak to them so much and to sort things out.

 

But whether you get back together or not, you must move on. Your life will never be the same. sometimes going your own sepparate ways can make more sense.

 

Some people would disagree but have a long think and try to be diplomatic and go with your gut instinct. You have amazing strength right now as you've been through so much.

 

Sorry to go on but I have just got back with my ex and although you want it once it happens its still a working process. Getting back is just as hard if not harder than staring fresh!

 

Good luck and remember how you got here.

[fadedfantasy]

hey everyone.. Just figured I'd post. I've been NC from my ex for weeks and I think im slowly getting over my depressive phase and it feels good. Im meeting new people, although I think I will always have feelings for my Ex, I've come to except the fact that it has to be over. I got some great advice from a friend on a theory she has on how people don't change but they are always a certain way. I don't think she will mind if I post it here. So this is what she said.

 

Direct Quote:

 

 

 

Anyways I thank Enotalone for the help here and I think I can be the one giving help to others now instead of recieving it. 8)

[OCD]

Hi all,

It's Friday, thank goodness...I just thought I'd give my progress here today before a big, nice weekend. It's been a week and half since I finally called my ex after 2 months of NC. It went really well, sort of, for those of you who remember. I basically got some closure and apologies from her, which was nice. But no talk of working it out right now...she basically left the door open for down the road after time apart. She didn't rule anything out. So I figured to move on and try to put those hurt feeling behind me thanks to some of you. It has been hard and I miss her like you wouldn't believe. But I've been talking to other girls and actually have a date tomorrow I hope it goes well, this girl seems really nice. I still have the shred of hope for my ex deep down though. Some folks here, after hearing my story and things she did to during the relationship, all pretty much said that she did me a favor dumping me...she's pretty selfish and wasn't deserving of my love, but I still love her...isn't that strange? After the breakup I only pleaded that night of the breakup for her not to leave me then went to NC, but never told her how I felt in the 2 months following so I wrote a letter telling her thanks for the good times and great memories and about things I've been up to. How I've been improving myself and how well life has been for me. Also thanking her for the great conversation we had last week. I also mentioned that I couldn't really be friends because it didn't compare to the feelings we both shared during the relationship. Basically setting up my boundries...I figured that I at least needed to tell how I felt in case she does want to come back. I haven't sent this letter yet and I rewritten it many times...If I send it I'm not expecting anything from her, but that's the best way for me to communicate to her and I know she'll appreciate it. Without telling her how I feel about her, she won't know that I still care about her and she'll think I'm never cared anyway...we'll see. Time marches on and I'm really not looking back. I'm feeling so much better than the first 2 months. That was some rough times there. That's all for now, wish me luck on my date tomorrow Thank you.

[coooolsome]

Good for you OCD. There are other ways to show a person that you care without actually telling them you care. All you really have to do I show some interest in what she is doing, how she is.

 

 

My update:

 

Well, its been 2 months now. 1st month was bad. I did some stupid things. 2nd month we had great conversations about once a week. I saw her last weekend and was drunk and told her I missed talking to her and asked her if she still loved me. She answered yes. However I do know she loves me as a friend now. She fell out of love with me. I think the stuff I did in the first month helped her figure out that she didnt love me. Who knows.

 

So here I am. In love with someone that used to love me. It hurts thinking that she doesnt feel the same way anymore. I am doing NC for as long as I can. I will answer the phone if she calls but I will not call her anymore. She likes another guy after the first guy she liked turned out to be a jerk. I am getting better and healing but I really miss her. I have thought about all the bad things about her, and the good and I know I love her with all my heart. We are at different points in our lives and maybe this is for the best.

 

So the only hope I have left is that one day maybe she will realize she does love me and wants to be with me. I however will not wait for her b/c I cannot put my life on hold for her. Hopefully it wont be to late.

[ziggystardust]

ok...she broke it off a month, and a week ago got a restaining order...she kinda freaked. 10 days ago she called me. we had been emailing back, and forth daily since the break(even though I saw NC in advice)I didn't apply that to my situation. at first no love talk...just what she needed from me, and me telling her what I've been up to. I finally started telling her how I felt after getting my emotions in check(2 weeks of no emotion from me). So I didn't sound like a whining wuss. 3 days ago I met her at her request at a restauraunt where her, and her classmates were having dinner. We left together, and hung out...made out. She dropped me off at the end of the night, and asked if she could see me the next day. I hesistated, but said yes. Next day we went to her work to pick something up...got down in her office! Went to dinner after, and went for a drive. She asked if she could see me the next day. Last night she called me after she met with some girlriends for a b-day dinner. She came over...laid with me, and we got down again!

 

This girl wants to marry me...each of us feel that the other is "the one". Her parents aren't down with that right now...I am hoping they'll get over that in time. I am getting a better job, and am going to get a place in L.A. she wants to come live with me. We have so much wreckage in our past(4 years), but I have found ways to put my resentment to rest...my love for her is stronger than my pride. I am probably going to see her today after the two of us are done with church. We go to separate churches right now. Well...um...that is the progress so far without any of the gory detail from our past. I assure you guys...what we have been through in the past just might eclipse what most of you have been through(if you need to know I will tell, but it's pretty heavy). Which means that...there is always a chance for anybody to rectify a relationship if the love is still there. Just proceed with caution...and use your head(unless it's twisted)in that case use someone elses for awhile.

 

If you don't got it...fake it til you do.

[Rickster]

My update:

 

we've not contacted each other since a week ago. i do miss her only at nights becuase i get so lonely, and ive been doing the same thing everyday. i dont have anyone to really tell my feelings and express myself and just talk about anything that will take this boredom away. i plan to call her on friday. ive been calling her off and on. ive done my fair bit of NC already, but i feel that calling her off and on will give her mixed signals. she started talking to me about some personal feelings about a friend that both of us know the last time we talked. so i think it's getting better, she's slowly trusting me, telling me some close details about her feelings. i just feel it goes so slow, but i know it's working. im becoming stronger, and my belief in becoming friends with her is making me strong.

 

sorry i just had to say this, just needed to get things of my chest. the loneliness is killing me softly.

[coooolsome]

We are all here for you. Ask yourself this, do you really want to be friends with her? How would you feel if she started telling you she has feelings for some guy and wants to date him? Im not saying do complete NC but let her do the contacting. Dont be friends with her just b/c you want to be in her life and you want to get back together with her. It will just end up hurting you in the long run.

 

Technically, you are friends with your ex, but you dont want to be "good" friends. You want to be the type of friend that you talk to every once in a while. The friend you dont hang out with, dont know a lot about. Be aloof. Take care of yourself. You dont need her. Show her you dont need her.

[OCD]

Good pointe Cooolsome, I'm in the same boat...trying to keep it friendly is the way that I'd put it...my ex does all of the contacting...she called Friday night wanted to know everything about me down to the smallest detail...I figured no way because that's part of the consequences of breaking my heart is that you don't get all of the info any more, right? I told her that I'd call her back, but never did. I'm trying to stay strong, but that was hard...I wanted to talk to her so bad, but like you said I need to be aloof and then see if she comes around...I hope that's the right mind set here...Thanks.

[minnie]

For me ... Its 2wks no contact today. I dont really no what i am feeling to tell the truth.

 

He has been calling me but - he has nothing to say i want to hear. He is not the person i met 4yrs ago, so i will try to move on and find that person.

 

Its weird because i do think about him everyday, but it doesnt cross my mind to call him anymore... Its like that is just not an option. But well see, its only been 2wks!!

 

I am 100% determined to stay away, i have been saying this for about a year and to be honest im sick of hearing myself say it. I dread to think what my friends and family think, and him he's heard it all before.

 

I know no one thinks im serious, but i am and will prove it to myself.

 

1 thing i have learned is to do what i say i am going to do, if i am not prepared to act - dont say it.

 

Thanks for your time xxx

[Juha]

I wish I knew what the right thing to do was....I stayed in contact at first then had to NC for 2 months now last week I more or less showed her that I don't hate her and it is ok to contact me...

 

So far in the last week I sent her an ecard for Halloween she texted a thanks and then she called we talked briefly, So we have texted back and forth all weekend nothing being said just hi and what's up....I got hurt over the weekend and told her... Today she texted me about pictures I have of hers on my computer,she says this after almost 5 months...Did not even say hi or how is your head...Just I need to get my pictures...

 

How cold can someone be???I will stay in contact but like you guys said it will be distant contact...Like once every week or two...I will be friendly but will not talk about me at all unless she asks, which she never does...

 

Maybe she will come around after some time...She has put up a wall and could not be any colder to me...Her family and friends told her she is going to lose a good personfrom her life but by her actions it seems like she does not care...

 

Oh well...I will see what happens...

[coooolsome]

From everything that I have been reading, she is acting this way b/c she doesnt trust you. She sees you one way and that is the person that you were after the breakup. Continue to be friendly and dont analyze things. She will see that you have changed and will slowly open up. Remember to work on yourself. Dont try to convince yourself you are healed. I tried to do that and I realized that I have issues that need to be dealt with. Let your emotions out. Dont keep them inside. They will find a way out eventually. Just dont let them out to her.

[flightymighty]

Ok....nine days of no contact since we made plans and he just didn't call. It's killing me but I'm trying to give him space.

 

My question is do I wait or make one last call to get the closure I need? I already sent an in-depth e-mail which he has not responded to. He still has stuff at my place and as I said, when do I break NC to get it?

 

This is not getting easier at all - not knowing where someone's head is at is horrible. Why can't he at least e-mail and say NO!

[Rickster]

coolsome

 

infact she told me she has a bf. im still after her, but not in the way most people would think. i think really differently now, after that NC. i love her, and i know the only way i will have a chance to atleast be back as friends is to become friends. im not depressed about it. im strong and ironwill. im strong enough to tell myself to not be depressed because i know my ex loves me because of what i really was and not a depressant. she has done some of the contacting. but it was through text, and text isn't as valuable as spoken words. and the questions she asked wasn't about me, it was something to do with helping her out except for one time when she text me asking me where i was. im happy enough to reply those texts. and i dont expect anything. i feel much better if i dont expect anything. its only those lonely nights when im bored and i just want to talk to someone what ive done and get a response, and ask what she has done.

[Dogg]

NONE NONE NADA ZILCH ZERO NOTHING!!!!!!!!! I have been in NC mode now for over a week and i have gotten nothing. At timnes I feel ok, other times I am miserable!!!!!! I have not heard a single word from her at all, not a text, not an email, nothing! Its really hard for me to literally go from talking and being together all the time to NOTHING in one day. I don't know what to do? Do you guys and girls think that when she said that she needs time to "figure things out and time to think about things" that she actually meant it and is trying to?

[coooolsome]

Dogg, who knows what she is thinking and if she even gave you a truthful answer. But it doesnt matter, its over. I know this isnt what you want to hear but take it from experience. DONT DO ANYTHING. Trust me. You will just end up where I am right now, my ex probably wants nothing to do with me. NC is the way to go for now. Keep it up for a month or two so you get your head clear.

 

It is most likely hard for her too. Our exs hurt to if they are a caring person. If they dont then good riddence. Dont do anything to push her away. Take care of yourself. Figure out what went wrong. Dont tell her any of this, show her if she gives you the chance. MOVE ON.

[AC874]

Well.

 

 

Im trying to recover from a 4 yr relantionship. I am realizing that was too emotionally dependent, instead of building a stronger independent me.

 

But I love truly love this girl. I think I have pushed her too far away, talking to her friends/sister, meeting her unannounced once, and then her telling me that "she's over me" in 3 weeks.

 

How do people live with the memories of 4 amazing years, filled with fun, trips, laughter, joy, and comfort? How do people just move on?

 

Do these things ever catch up with them?

 

This girl was not only my lover... but my best friend.