Diary of the ex & getting back together.

[annie24]

oh, you are overanalyzing! The feeling of paranoia really isn't fun, now is it? There are way better ways to use your brain space than to figure out his weird sayings. Just relax. See what happens. Make a conscious decision to shut down the nagging voices in your head

 

Have you thought about giving yourself a mental "ultimatum" or something? Like, if you aren't getting what you want by Jan 1, 2006, you're just going to cut your ties from this guy? After all, there is only so long you can wait around for someone to get their crap together.....

[nataliejulie]

Have you thought about giving yourself a mental "ultimatum" or something? Like, if you aren't getting what you want by Jan 1, 2006, you're just going to cut your ties from this guy? After all, there is only so long you can wait around for someone to get their crap together.....

 

 

I don't know what to do. I had one of those nightmares again last night. I haven't had them in awhile. Instead of him with another girl, I had a dream that he broke it off with me all over again. Talk about a bad morning.

 

Things are going so great and the paranoia is getting to me again. I've done this before. One of the issues that caused the break up in the first place. I wouldn't believe where he was or who he was with. To the point where I actually convince myself he's lying when he's not.

 

I can't take much more of this. I talked to Hope75 who went through her getting back with the ex. She told me it took her three months

I don't know if I could last that long!

 

I'm going to give it another month. By Thanksgiving. I PRAY it won't have to last that long.

 

Is that wrong? Should I keep waiting? Am I wrong to think that something is wrong to make up your mind with months of dating?

[sibling295]

NJ - First of all sorry to hear about your accident

Now know one can tell us to wait for these guys. We have to make that decision ourselves. I go back and forth day by day asking myself the same question. Remember my posts to you!! I try to look at the facts :

why is your intuition telling you he is with other women? What specifically has he done - said? Is this about that 50 year old women thing???

 

Also i at first said okay Thanksgiving is my cut off. BUt today i feel like i cant put a time on this. Life , marriage , children is so important to me - i want it sacred , not flippent. Of course deep down if by New Years he still wont call me his g/f , i may say "See Yah" and hurt but let go.

Stay strong when you have contact with him. I have stopped calling mine and he seems to call everyday now. Maybe only one day will go by that i dont hear from him , which brings me down , but then when we do talk , i know he was missing me .

Love is sooo confusing but i dont think these guys have it figured out either. Unless your guy is giving you exact reasons to be paranoid , stop giving your paranoi power. STOP. Give your great self the power - spend sometime with your girlfriends this weekend - flirt with other boys - whatever - let him contact you . Stop giving negative emotions control of your life.

[sibling295]

does hope75 have a forum on here that i could read too?

[annie24]

link removed

 

Hope had a happy ending - she got back with her ex, and they are doing quite well! But, I think that this is the exception, not the rule when it comes to "getting back together."

[nataliejulie]

Guys you are so wonderful!

 

 

Hope75's thread gives me comfort and hope (ha ha get it) on my situation. I feel like I'm reading my own diary when I read through her's. I only hope for her outcome!

 

Sibling -- You have good points! He has never given me any reason to think he's with another woman. He hasn't been with anyone even when we were apart, so why start now? I know putting a time on these things is hard. It's like falling in love. You can't time that, you can't put a finger on it. I do act pretty aloof, act on my own. We call each other equally and it's comfortable. I don't feel like I'm pushing anymore.

 

 

Well don't ask, but his story checked out. I feel very silly.

 

I actually talked to him this afternoon. He sounds so chipper when he's on the phone with me. I told him I was out shopping, he asked if I got him anything. I told him if he gets done homework tonight, to give me a call. He said he would LOVE to see me (exact words, yay) but he's really got to get his work done for tomorrow... But will try to finish so we can meet up later for a movie. He even apologized a few times for being rude. He said it was rude of him that he didn't know if he had time to see me tonight, but he will try his hardest. It was really sweet of him. Still calling me pet names....

 

I was on my way to the GYNO (sorry men) to get a UDI. You see, I was on Depo for a few months when I was with him. My mood swings were HORRIBLE and I was so emotional. Even the doctors said I was having side affects of a pregnant woman. The ex kept trying to have me use an UDI (implant). I told him today that I was on my way to go get it and he replied that he was happy no more crazy moody side affects.

 

I thought about it today, how he treated other girls he dated in the past. (Even me before he dumped me) He becomes very very distant when he looses internet or feeling. I keep reassuring myself that he's more into me now than he ever has been... so I'm keeping positive!

[sibling295]

Just read Hope75 post - Its allot like my situation. But i think she said it took 8 months to get back together - not 3 months NJ.

Am i reading it wrong?

My ex came over during lunch today - first time he has been to my house since break up- almost 1 month now. The first thing he noticed was his and I's pictures off of my refridgerator. He said "why did you take down our pics?"I smailed and as i kissed him , i said "Because you broke up with me , remember" He held me tight and said " No (pet name) No"

 

Not sure what all this will lead up to - but i am soooo happy he calls me now and wants to spend time with me again. Like I said I think New Years is my cut off. I am not going to tell him this though. I still feel like i am faking everything ( cause I am soooo wanting us to be back officially) but since i stopped the asking "have you changed your mind" its been about a week and a half now . Things are great again. And he treats me soooo much better. When he left he said "I love you"

NJ- the one thing i did notice about hope75's stuff is in the beginning she said she wouldnt move back in unless he proposed marriage/engagement yet i didnt see if he mentioned that when she did move back in. I really do want to get engeged to my guy and so getting back with him - i am confused - might have to entail engagement. Oh i am confused ... one day at a time - day by day

[nataliejulie]

Seriously don't bring it up! You notice such a change! I haven't brought it up in two weeks! Since then he's opened up more, became more comfortable...

 

I hope Hope75 doesn't mind, but this is what she said in a PM to me:

 

 

 

As for getting engaged and what not, I think it's best that we treat this as a new relationship (considering it is). We are starting off as new people, a new beginning. Take one thing at a time and see how the breakup has affected the relationship, or see if there were any changes made in the long run.

[sibling295]

I hope Hope 75 doesnt mind either - because it really struck a heart felt point in me while reading it.

Sit back and relax enjoy the moments, what a concept . It is so very simple , you know , yet i struggle with it everyday. Allowing my ex and most importantly me to have a life without suffocating it is a struggle - but my "AHAHA" moments come. Stronger now each day. Thank you also NJ for taking the incentive to write your story , nothing is better than connecting to a good read. And it aint even over yet!!!!!

sibling295

[sibling295]

i just did a HORRIBLE thing , i just called him its almost 10:30 pm.I left a voice message "I havent heard from you since you left my house this afternoon, call me tomorrow" Oh god !!!!! I want to drive over there but i know its a horrible thing to do. How could he say I love you

XXX -

I am not sure what you are feeling but ihave to tell you whats on my mind. I know you know how i feel about you.I miss you terribly and so does XXX. I feel like now i am playing such a game and its completely what i am against. I have never played these kind of games since friggin High school and it is soooo not what i am about. I have waited a long time to fall in love and honestly i am in a state of shock regarding the current events. I am happy if you feel that finally you have a relationship where you are content and feel no commitment. Since i feel this is where you freaked out. I go with this feeling because you have said several times "You bit off more than you could chew" . But i have ended up feeling nothing more than shallow. I find myself in a relationship that I have always made fun of. Shallow and empty. This is not what i waited for. I made a mistake in thinking you were the "one" The "one"will feel the same love as I do. I know that now with dealing with us since you came to my house and said you didnt want this . I wish you the best and pray i find it too. Please give me a while before any contact to collect my stuff . But I am a good girl and I love with all my heart not 50% . Sorry , but i am ready for the heartbreak now. I cannot go on half hearted its just not me.

I soooo want to push send on this but i will have hope here, any thoughts???? God and things have been really good , i just feel like a PHONY.

[biacd]

i don't think u should send it, he said he loves u when he went over, so why push? don't tell him anything, let things go on as it will

[nataliejulie]

Sibling---

 

LOOK AT ME!

 

STAY STRONG!!!!!!! PUSHING ONLY LEADS TO PUSHING FURTHER BACK!!!

 

If you send that email you take 100 steps back!

 

Trust me, sweetheart, I KNOW it's hard. I HAVE been there.

I got so frustrated I gave up. I stopped being cute. I stopped chasing. I stopped being there at every beckon call. I said, if he wants me, he'll get me. AND WHAT HAPPENED? He's been kissing my tush for two weeks!!

 

Just sit back, relax, enjoy what you have. Keep thinking of the times you felt when you didn't have him at all.

 

All the patience will pay off. I PROMISE!

[sibling295]

your right - thank you for responding so quickly - seriously i was half way to his house!!! I am just angry about this space thing. Thank you honestly , i would have done something i would have regretted. I am glad i wrote down my feelings though. I am giving myself until the morning to decide if i want to send it. Annie (the moderator) even said to someone how long will you put up with his crap. its soooon hard. maybe its an Italian thing but seriously he dumped me. HE DUMPED ME. I know things are great to him , but i feel shallow. I dont know if i can hang on much longer.

[biacd]

your right - thank you for responding so quickly - seriously i was half way to his house!!! I am just angry about this space thing. Thank you honestly , i would have done something i would have regretted. I am glad i wrote down my feelings though. I am giving myself until the morning to decide if i want to send it. Annie (the moderator) even said to someone how long will you put up with his crap. its soooon hard. maybe its an Italian thing but seriously he dumped me. HE DUMPED ME. I know things are great to him , but i feel shallow. I dont know if i can hang on much longer.

 

 

 

 

 

i understand how u feel, me and my gf broke up nearly a week ago, and it sucks. i can't tell u to move on, noone can. but i can tell u the pain will get better, even though i'm still dreaming of her every SINGLE night. i want her back as well, i tried calling her, but her cell was off. thank god.

[sibling295]

Oh God - what a BAD night. NJ and Biacd if i ever meat you in person I would HUGGGGG you guys soooo tight , i swear.

But what do you think about the message I left on his cell phone tonight. "I havent heard from you since this afternoon , call me tomorrow"

Did i totally screw up? I am still soooooo ANGRY right now , but you are talki8ng sense to me. Its just not fair. I loved him, yes i might have pressured him but what about saying "Back Off" I mean it was almost a 2 year relationship. AND WE ARE NOT KIDS HERE! Geez , i feel like i am in friggin High School all over again.

[biacd]

Oh God - what a BAD night. NJ and Biacd if i ever meat you in person I would HUGGGGG you guys soooo tight , i swear.

But what do you think about the message I left on his cell phone tonight. "I havent heard from you since this afternoon , call me tomorrow"

Did i totally screw up? I am still soooooo ANGRY right now , but you are talki8ng sense to me. Its just not fair. I loved him, yes i might have pressured him but what about saying "Back Off" I mean it was almost a 2 year relationship. AND WE ARE NOT KIDS HERE! Geez , i feel like i am in friggin High School all over again.

 

 

 

i think sending that text was a pretty bad idea, but what's done is done, and all u can do is hope that he doesn't see it as pushy and hopefully things turn out how u want them to.

 

 

on the day my g/f broke up with me, she told me to back off as well, she needed space, she said lots of hurtful things to me. i was so pissed off, so angry and so flustered at the same time. i was so lost, i didn't know what to do. i went to her house the next day, and stuff happened, if u wanna know more u can read my post. but anyways i called her on a sat morning and she was cold to me, so fine, i told her i wouldn't call till she called me since she wanted space. i was full of emotions when i hung up the phone. lots of emotions. but i took the time, and thought about myself. how i should go about getting her back(though i know i shouldn't be thinking of this). she contacted me the next day, but i ignored her IM, and it made me feel pretty good! at least i was in control of something(u should read my post if u wanna know more about it ^^).

 

 

 

 

and if he finds that text pushy, u should just give him time, stay away from him, give him the space, if u want, we could chat on IM or msn pass the time away, till he contacts u [-o

[sibling295]

biacd- i didnt send the email. Only left the message about calling me tomorrow. BUt I would have sent it if you and NJ hadnt been online to tell me to RELAX. So thanx!!! I am gonna read your posts now. You will hear from me again in the morning. Thank you guys again. This is what people call Will power -Geez!!!!

[biacd]

have a nice night and if u can't get to sleep just look for me online

 

how i wish she would send me a text or just a call just to tell me she's missing me, but i guess im dreaming lol.

[coooolsome]

Give it time. Trust me. Here is the thought process of a dumper and dumpee. Dumper dumps dumpee. Dumper feels guilty, is hurting(not as much as dumpee) and knows this is the right thing to do. Dumpee is hurt, confused, doesnt know what to do. There are a lot of emotions on both sides. Dumpee calls and continues to ask questions, beg, plead, etc. Dumper sees this as desperation and feels as if the dumpee cannot even respect his/her wishes. This will cause the dumper to feel as if they did make the right decision and this will push them away.

 

This is natural and happens like 95% of the time. All dumpees will push their ex away in the beginning. Now, you must stop. Leave him alone. After a while the dumper gets over the breakup and the initial dumpee reactions. The dumper is able to think clearly. They start thinking about the good times, they start missing you but not to the point where they want you back. This wont happen for at least a month or two depending on how long the dumper was thinking about breaking up with you.

 

Let them see what life is like without you. After you are able to control your emotions, call your ex. Keep it light, simple. NO RELATIONSHIP TALK. They will see you are getting better and start trusting you a little. Call again after 2 weeks. Then again after 1 or 2 weeks. Then stop. Now you have built up some comfort with your ex and he/she will now start wondering why you arent calling anymore. Maybe this will start causing them to miss you more. Who knows.

 

Basically what I am saying is that the sooner you let go and the sooner you heal, the better off you will be. In the movie Swingers there is a great dialogue about this. Basically your ex will come back when you forget about them. Its going to be really hard but you have to fight yourself and your emotions. If you start thinking about your ex, force yourself to stop. Go out, have fun.

 

Next time you see/talk to your ex, what kind of person do you want to be? A blubbering idiot who is not over him/her or a confident, cheerful, exciting person. Which of the 2 would your ex want to be with?

[biacd]

what if i didn't do much to push her away? i was lucky i found this forum early. i begged on the night(thurs) my gf broke up with me, in the morning the next day(friday), and mentioned abit about our relationship(sat) in the morning. after that i basically didn't call her, and she initiated contact with me on sunday, and she went overseas. during the call she gave me, i ended it by asking her to reconsider.

 

 

i hope it won't take long before she starts missing me

[nataliejulie]

I think the voicemail was a little pushy, but don't beat yourself up over it.

 

You guys have to really learn patience and learn NOT to wait for them.

 

Take this time while you have them. It's okay to be a little selfish with this. But while you are trying to make things work, it's okay to let go and try to move on with yourself. You HAVE to become a stronger person. Don't be that person who waits, who begs, who is needy. It's not healthy for you and it DOESN'T look good to them.

 

I don't expect anything from my ex. He knows this. This is why he's comfortable with me right now, opening up to me. We used to talk on the phone tons of times a day and now it's one a day. Maybe even every other day. But I'm OKAY with that now because it actually helps. Gives you guys more to talk about, more breathing room, keeps conversations fresh.

[NotMyself]

Greetings from beautiful Oahu!

 

It is 4 am here and I am enjoying my vacation. Haven't called the ex. Guess what? Yes, she called me tonight, but I was enjoying myself and the company of my friends. Isn't it strange how once we start moving on, they start initiating all of the contact?? Well my friends, all I can say is once they realize you are moving on, they really start chasing... Hang in there my friends! I will have a MaiTai for you all!!!! Cheers from Hawaii!

[nataliejulie]

Greetings from beautiful Oahu!

 

It is 4 am here and I am enjoying my vacation. Haven't called the ex. Guess what? Yes, she called me tonight, but I was enjoying myself and the company of my friends. Isn't it strange how once we start moving on, they start initiating all of the contact?? Well my friends, all I can say is once they realize you are moving on, they really start chasing... Hang in there my friends! I will have a MaiTai for you all!!!! Cheers from Hawaii!

 

Lemme hear ittttttt............ "I TOLD YOU SO!"

[OCD]

Cooolsome had some great words there...there are tons of emotions on both sides. It's been two monts since my break, she broke up w/me. I do have some questions though...she's been the one to initiate contact, 11 calls total since the break. I only answered the last 3 or 4 of them...I've been doing NC this whole time and it's been working great. I spoke to her yesterday briefly and it was nice...then I asked if she wanted to meet for coffee to 'talk' on Wed, today. She said sure, yes, but she wasn't sure what time would be good...she said that she'd call me back to let me know. It sounded really positive, but I never got a call last night or this morning to confirm...what should I be thinking at this pointe?? I haven't brought up the relationship at all and wasn't pushy or anything, we just talked about general stuff like old times, friends. It's been nice talking to her when she calls...but I figured that I'd ask her to coffee or something just to talk about...well anything and if she wanted to bring up why she left, great! What's my next move? Wait for her to call me again? I really don't think I should call her and stick to no contact, that way she'll feel more comfortable making the effort...any advice? Thank you.

[nataliejulie]

First, don't say "talk". It's a scary word to the dumper and will only make them re-live the guilt of what they have done. I did that with my ex. I said we should get together to talk, we made plans, and he never called. HE DID eventually call, apologized, said he was wrapped up with stuff. I said I understand, it's okay. (in all effort to keep him comfortable) Then we tried to make plans again, but this time I said, "lets have so much fun, we get arrested !" As soon as he realized that all I wanted was to have a good, fun time, he stuck with his plans. And that one date led into a month of more dates.

 

Let her call you. If you call, it seems like you are pushing the fact you want to see each other and she might NOT be ALL that comfortable with it yet. Don't take it as a personal attack, she just might not be fully ready to make that leap yet.