To those who want their ex's back but finding it difficult

[Rickster]

hahaha lgirl, I guess we really have to agree to disagree.

 

Im feeling much better that she text me herself. Yes Im obsessed. I admit, Ive said it myself, and sometimes I feel it myself, but when you love someone so much, even if I were to be with someone else, I would still have small thoughts about it, because I know I love her very much, and I told you my pride lies within our relationship. Whenever Ive done something good, I thank my relationship.

 

As what dzazde said "But if you reallie love that person and care for them, you would still care for them, even if they go and get a new bf/gf.... This is what I believe a relationship/friendsihp is all about."

 

As much as Im obsessed, I do not force things, that's why I don't call her every second I have to spare. I told you Im combining to two essential ingredients, hardwork(needed in all friendships and relationships) and the time.

[L8RISER]

Wow...

 

Sorry to destory all those romantic notions, but love is most definitely a conditional thing...I'm not gonna give it, if I'm not gonna get it! I don't put money into what I know is a bad investment, but to each his own I guess.

 

One more time: Our situations are NOT unique. Your break up is just a statistic, one of millions. It might seem important to you, but that does not make it different.

 

Go a head, make some noble gesture, tell yourself that this cause is worth throwing yourself on your own sword, and ignore all of us who have been there before - you know better.

 

Rickster, if you and your ex are true friends, then why not tell her how you feel - what you have told us? Why keep it a secret? I suspect we all know the answer to that.

 

Well, nuff said. Can save those who won't save themselves. Rickster gonna have to learn the hard - good luck. We're all here when your're ready.

[Rickster]

L8riser - sometimes you have to give to get. if you don't start no one will. let me relate this to a group of shy individuals. if everyone was shy to start the conversation, there won't be any conversation. but when someone starts off the conversation everything will flow on. likewise to what you said in your first paragraph.

 

how about those people who actually got back together? have you seen the getting back together forums? there are a few of them who got back their ex's? anyone can do it, its a matter of how you think about it.

 

break ups are without a shadow of doubt, just another number to add to the stats. but the situation, the feelings you had left, the emotions, is a different question. i was left feeling down and out. i could tell that she still loved me the very second she told me that she wanted a break up. My friend told me she cried about it. i had done nothing wrong, but be in a different country. so now that im in the same country as her, what is hindering that love anymore?

 

im feeling better. better and better each day. if she is calling me and texting me, what harm is that creating. we aren't talking about the past, we talk about the present. ok the big question you ask me. why won't i tell her that i trully love her. first of all, im a true friend, not a close friend yet. theres a difference. second of all, if im a true friend, why would i want to hurt her feelings, i don't want to remind her of our break up now, especially when we are talking so much better. true friends do not hurt friend's feelings.

[lgirl]

Rickster, we WILL have to agree to disagree. you are stubborn beyond belief and you are distorting things in your zeal to have things your way, so you will have to find out for yourself what we are all trying to tell you. L8Riser is so right – you shld tell her exactly how you feel if this love between you (as friends or whatever) is so strong. if it was you wldn't have to employ such a strategy to win her back. and, PS, just b/c you're prepared to 'work hard' to achieve yr 'aims' doesn't mean you'll get yr way. it could all be for nothing...

 

one more time, read your own words:

i could tell that she still loved me the very second she told me that she wanted a break up.

 

can't you see how distorted yr thinking is? if she loved you she wouldn't have broken up with you, much less got a new bf so soon after. and PS confessing to being obsessional about yr quest to have her friendship no matter what is pretty scary. so you don't call her every second – that's an achievement?

 

anyhoo, you have made up yr mind and are clearly not prepared to listen, so at least try and take it easy, okay?

 

take care of yourself

[Rickster]

lgirl, I used the strategy at first to help stop me thinking about her so much, to help me stop destroying my communication with her, to help me stop calling her every second, to help me become the person I was when she loved me. I have even read in the other threads that people suggested using mixed signals, and that's what Im doing, exactly the same thing. I find it's an achievement to me. No one can see it as a achievement, because Im in my own situation and no one else is in my situation. Yes you can say that you are going true the same situation as me(the breakup) but with exactly the same feelings, the same emotions, the same person, the same past we had, the same happiness? Obviously not. No one can see this as an achievement except me. It is an achievement that we are friends. How many people can still be strong enough to still talk with their ex as friends. I find it an impressive achievement to me. And it's because of what you so call 'strategy' that Ive implied, to make me think the way I think.

 

Yes she loved me, but there was one thing missing, me! She hesistated to break up with me, but after all my forcing and pushing, she finally did. People can make the silliest mistakes. Not everyone is perfect. And probably one of her mistakes was to break it off with me. You and I will not know whether it was a mistake.

 

There are things you tell friends and things you don't tell friends. Do you tell everything and anything to your friends? Im not talking about gf or bf, Im talking about normal friends. There is some things I reserve for myself, that things that might hurt someone's feelings that I don't tell.

 

Im glad Ive done this. Our contact with each other has increased. lgirl, since you talk so much about NC. Then tell me what better way can I be friends with her? If I NC her there will be possibly no way to be friends with her, without a doubt. How can you be friends when you do not even communicate.

 

Thanx for giving me support in your last 2 sentences

[lgirl]

Rickster, you're not listening at all are ya? it's like you see/write yr own words but you can't gauge the impact of them! it's like you're not grasping the effects of yr behaviour or how it's coming accross. you truly cannot see the wood for the trees!

 

anyhoo, be that as it may, i don't happen to believe you can be friends with an ex after you've split up with them b/c there is too much baggage, one way or another, but that's just my opinion... however, if you are determined to be friends with her, then that takes TIME and i think a period of No Contact could help in giving you both space to let the dust settle. the bottom line is that if you are meant for each other, then taking some time out (6 months at least) is not going to change anything. i think yr anxiety to rush to have her as a friend belies yr own doubts about the situation.

 

try and let go. what will be will be, so don't panic. give her the space to come find you!

[Rickster]

Maybe my words that I say here is very strong. Its very difficult to express a feeling. A feeling cannot be described in a 1000 words. If she is laughing, if she is contacting me, why is it a problem? I can tell you see never used to call me or text me. And out of the blue she text me.

 

I don't know how to explain what Im doing. It's like yes, I call her, but I don;t show it. I hide it very well because I know what Im doing. I don't know how to explain it. I can interpret when she says something, what she likes and what she doesn;t. Its very confusing.

 

I have had no contact. And Im fed up with it. Just because everyone is doing it means it's right? If everyone jumped of the cliff, do I jump of the cliff? No contact isn't going to get you anywhere, Im sure you admit it. If you contact her with a reason to contact her and you are different, she will most likely accept you as a friend. Im not rushing things. How am I rushing things when I call her like 2 or 3 times a week?

 

As I said, you have to give to get. It might be that if I don't start no one will start. I have given her space. Ive not talked to her about this. Ive given 2 weeks of NC. And I don't call her all the time and for long periods.