Being lied to by "b.f." Pregnant!!!!!!!!!

[dlils21]

Currently I'm about 13 weeks pregnant. Me and the father of the baby are "seeing each other". We've been in a realtionship for 5 years now, and in march we broke up. He cheated. In june we started to work things out again. He was still with the girl he cheated on me with.

 

He ended up breaking it off with her (basically they werent' boyfriend/girlfriend). We ended up involved, but not boyfriend/girlfriend.

I ended up getting pregnant. We decided to keep it. But through out this time i know he has still been seeing her. Not alot, but still quite a bit. I've posted on here before so if you want the details look it up under my name.

 

Yesterday i ended up looking through his phone, as i usually do. Can't expect to get the truth from him. I found pictures of him and her, from about a week and a half ago. He bascially tried to shrug it off. This isn't the first time, but due to the fact that I'm pregnant, I've been hesistant to leave. I always threaten to call the other girl and tell her about what he's been up to, but he gets angry...and says "if you call her, you know it's over between us".

 

I'm at the end of my rope. Yesterday I felt sooooo awful..because i know that I'm now left with few options. Get an abortion, which I'm not really wanting. I've had one before, and had no emotional connections to it. This time I feel emotionally attached, and actually love my baby. Plus I'm over the time limit for a "smooth" abortion. Or I can have the baby and hope that my family will help me with it. Of course this scares me more, cause I didn't want to bring this child in a broken home, but as it looks, I have no choice. ...Unless I want to stay with this guy, and be lied to over and over again. I'm so over being emotionally abused, its physically starting to hurt me. PLEASE HELP ME!!

[RayKay]

Leave him.

 

I know its not "ideal" but right now you are not dealing with an "ideal" anyway.

 

I know its hard, but he is not acting like much of a responsible person right now...I hope he will be a good father, but you DO NOT need to "be with him" and put up with this cheating and betrayal for that to occur.

 

Being a single parent is not easy, however I hope you have supportive family & friends to help you through. He is TRULY not worth your tears. Let him be a father, but do not let him walk all over you like this.

 

And remember, if you do "stick around" with someone whom will cheat on you and behave this way, your own child is only going to learn that is acceptable in THEIR future relationships.

 

He sounds like a...well, you insert whatever you like here. If you call her, it's over between you two? WHAT is over? The relationship where he is cheating on you? Not much of a loss is it?

 

If you want to keep your child, and not give it up (for adoption or otherwise) trust me, you CAN do it. And you WILL be okay. You both deserve better than this.

[Hope75]

Hi Dlils,

 

I know that you don't want to raise your child in a broken home, but really, you don't have a stable relationship with your ex as it is now. You can be apart from him and he can still be a father to the baby.

 

It is not a healthy environment to bring a baby into as it is, and do you really want your child to grow up thinking it's OK that daddy sees other women too?

 

If your "boyfriend" can't be faithful to you and show you some respect, maybe you would both be more effective parents being apart. You are going to have your hands full soon enough and aren't going to have the energy to be chasing him down and trying to figure out where he is, and why should you have to do that anyway? It will just make you resent him more, and that will reflect on your child's attitude towards his father. You might both be better parents apart from one another.

 

He has basically laid it out for you, that if you tell his other gf about this that he is leaving you, a clear sign that he chooses her over this baby and you, and that doesn't sound like a healthy or promising relationship. If he can at least be a good father to the baby, that's all you can ask for at this point. Does his gf know about the pregnancy at all?

 

This is the same guy who cheated on you and then his other gf with you, and who gave you herpes, is it not?

 

Do you have the support of your family with this pregnancy?

[melrich]

I totally agree with RayKay and Hope.

 

Being a single mom is not easy, in fact it will be one of the hardest things you ever have to do. But it is preferable to raising a child in the environment of a dysfunctional relationship with a poor role model as the father and this guy is not going to improve...you should expect at minimum his best behaviour whilst you are pregnant...so what you are getting is probably as good as it will ever get.

 

Having said being a single mom is tough, the rewards are huge, you are going to have someone in your life, for life with a bond of unconditional love. The baby has to be your first and only priority.

 

See an attorney and explore what avenues are available to you to cite abandonment. This may serve you well in the future if access becomes an issue.

[dlils21]

Thanks for all the responses and help. I'm gonna really need them in the next couple of weeks.

 

Being alone has always been a fear of mine, and now, it scares me even more. To be alone and with a baby.

My parents don't know about it. But they would be horified if they found out. Not so much for the fact of being pregnant, but because they absolutley HATE him. Soooo, it would be hard for them...but they wouldn't abandon me. I think.

 

I have hope that he will be good father, I'm pretty sure he will be. unfortunately he's a lousy partner. Part of me thinks he's not going to want to let it go, (me) he may be a liar, but I know he cares about his baby, maybe just maybe even more than himself. Plus his own parents divorced when he was young,,,and i know it impacted him.

 

No she does not know about the baby. If she knew...she wouldn't be hanging out with him. His entire "good guy" persona would die, and there would be no chance that she'd talk to him.

 

Do you guys think i should call her and tell her? I know she knows about me. She once did the same thing and looked through his phone, and saw my number. She called me and left a message...asking me if i still hung out with him etc. And that if i did she didn't want to have anything to do with him...She's left messages like this on my phone before. But I've never had the nerve to call her and tell her the truth. She, like me has been lied to by him over and over, and he keeps us both hiddened, from one another. Or so he tries.

[melrich]

I have hope that he will be good father, I'm pretty sure he will be.

 

No he won't be a good father. He may love the child, he may even have a great relationship with the child but being a good father is having all that but more importantly being a male role model for the child, being able to instill good values, being able to set an example for the child to follow.

 

You are pregnant by him. He is off seeing someone else and living a lie with that other person.

 

Your parents will not abandon you. They may be upset initially but they will get over that and they will support you and love their grandchild.

[Day_Walker]

By staying in this "relationship" you are doing yourself more harm that good. You shouldnt feel that you are stuck in this situation. You have made choices that you have to live with and if you want your life to be easier then you are going to have to make hard choices atleast with respect to your relationship.

[Hope75]

What would be your motivation for telling her? Do you think then she would leave him and he would be faithful to you?

 

I wouldn't count on that hon.

 

When are you planning on telling your parents that you are pregnant with his child? Do they live close to you?

 

 

I would not be calling her. Your only responsibility is to yourself and this baby. He already told you if you tell her that he is not going to be with you, so you are not going to get what you want, which is not the best thing for you anyway. Get some distance from him and stop letting yourself be the victim. Show yourself and your baby some respect.

 

You are not going to be alone, if you tell your family what's going on and ask for their support. However, this man is toxic for you (and it's not the first time I've told you this)

 

There is a reason that your parents hate him, what is it?

[dlils21]

My motivation for telling her are many... Of course there is the feeling of some kind of revenge. I feel like giving her the bad news, as she has to me. It doesn't feel good to have someone call you and tell you your b-friend is lying to you. So in that sense, i want to have her feel what I've been feeling.

Secondly I want to tell her because, i know how awful it is to be lied to. Although I don't know her, and yes i don't really like her, I'd still like for her to hear the truth. If she still wants him after that well then, theres nothing else i can do. Which brings me to another reason that Hope 75, was right about. Yes, a part of me wants to "distroy" what they have, in hopes of him not straying, and possibly being honest. Of course I know the later what change. But i'd know that they were kuput.

 

I LIVE with my parents. They don't know about it. My mom kind of has some suspicions, but has not brought it up recently. I haven't gained much weight, and the tummy is growing, but not enough to say hey your pregnant. My parents have disliked him since highschool...they didn't like his family, they didn't like him. Then with time, he obviously didn't treat me right, and my parents saw that. So they don't like him...

[Hope75]

Dlils,

 

Don't be telling his gf about this. This is more about revenge than anything, and trying to get him to be faithful to you, which he has shown you over and over he is unwilling to be. Stop accepting this second rate treatment and leave him. She will find out on her own what a creep he is. You shouldn't be mad at her, funny thing is, HE is the one who is hurting you, and yet you want to take that helpless and hurt anger out on her, another victim of him.

 

What about being angry with him? About telling him you won't accept this and leaving him? Why is it OK that he's using you both and disprespecting you and your baby? Telling her won't change what he did to you. It won't take it away. It won't stop him from doing it again, because he knows that you will accept it. He's already told you he'd choose her over you if you told her. What does that tell you about where you stand in his list of priorities?

 

Take control by removing yourself from the situation. Why would you want to try and be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be faifhful to you? This has been going on for a long time. He has always cheated-- first on you, then on her, now on both of you. Perhaps he is a bad choice?

 

You are going to need to tell you parents, and soon. The reasons they don't like him are valid, they are the same reasons I don't like him, he's treating you like a doormat and you are accepting it.

 

Please, for the love of God, break off your "pseudo-relationship" with this man (basically, you are the other woman now). Treat yourself and your baby with respect. He is not a good person. He does not love you or he would never do this to you. It's too late to tell you that there were ways to prevent getting pregnant, and I also wonder if you though getting pregnant might make him change his ways and be faithful to you, and he's shown you that he just doens't care enough about you or the baby to be faithful to you.

 

You are going to be a parent in 6 months. You live with your parents. They need to know. They need to be able to prepare for this and help and support you through it.

[Shaun23]

It's guys like this that give us guys a bad name!

 

He knows that you are desperate to give your baby a good home, and is using this to manipulate you into not telling the other girl.He wants his bread buttered on both sides! I think that it would be a good idea to tell the other girl about what is going on, not to get back at her,but to protect her against this guy.He might just turn around and do the same to her.After all,he isn't with you know(In his heart),so whether you tell her or not,you still don't have him,so what do you have to loose?

 

Let us know what happened.....