Feeling like NC kills your chances of Getting Back Together?

[Juha]

Misslonelyheart, I to am in NC for 3 weeks now, after she was contacting me once or twice a week but it was not fulfilling for me at all...She acted hot and cold, angry and always had a "reason" to contact me so I just stopped answering...

 

I am trying to get to the point where I can just be around her and not let anything bother me...She is with someone else now a rebound thing, don't know how serious it is...

 

I know at one point I will contact her as I know she will not contact me anymore because she thinks I hate her now...How will this be I don't know but I can't just be her friend, at least not now...Unless she will look at me and see my problems have been worked on..

 

I like NC for giving me the cocoon of safety but if I want what I want I will have to step out of it and take that chance...

 

The first month I pushed her and pleaded with her then I stopped and realized that is not me I am strong and not needy...

[scorchio]

superdave !

 

can u maybe reply or write a new post on

 

what if they are with someone else ? is there still hope for the future ?

etc

 

 

yes im still strong with N/C doing ok, bit of a fresher mind now

still hoping in some ways tho

tape over mouth included (u know wot i mean he! he!)

 

Just a suggestion,

for me and maybe others

[FCTex]

FCT....

 

I am NO one to advise you on what to do with your ex..BUT since you know you want her back at some point, then I think intermittent contact is

a positive thing. As I said in my last post....many of us would kill to be in your position...to have our ex'es contacting us..and to have thaty second chance to at least work things out, or to make things even better than they

were before. Different tactics work for different people. It seems like you doing NC with your ex draws her closer. Dr. PHil always uses this statement: Dont do what's right...Do what works. That's my advice.

 

I believe your right. I've kinda gone with that same feeling for a while now... My NC, and her breaking is.. brings her closer.. Atleast I feel like, whatever she is doing.. for her to think of me, and be willing to pick up the phone at night and call me.. She can't deny she's thinking about me, or thought of me. Wouldnt that late usually be about the time you go to bed.. Say goodnight to the people your dating.. etc.. Why call me, or call me after you talk to someone?

 

Who knows. I'm not going to even break that can of worms open.

 

I don't get alot of contact from my ex... But that fact that she's open enough to call me, is a good thing. I think she just wants to keep me close and feel like I havent forgotten about her. It's a confidence thing I think, at most... I want to start little contact.. more person to person contact, not just phone.. I honestly believe thats the real way we'll try again..

 

Well see. I can't let this contact beat me up. It's not. I just get anxious.

[FCTex]

I worry about this too.. Hence my post on this..

 

What if my ex is trying to savor their pride.. Trying to work it out, having second thoughts, and is just not wanting to be so blunt with it. I'm ignoring them.. Not even calling, texting.. replying to any advances on contact.. thats just telling them that I'm done with it..

 

NC is honestly to make them miss you, and then get the hell outta there. It's not fully made to work fulltime and get a relationship to work again.. I'm just showing my ex that I'm fine. that I dont need to contact her all the time to be happy..

 

I think now that she' might be coming with some contact, I need to take heed to that, and perhaps open a little, with some periodic contact. Not always being easy to get in touch with.. but still being happy and open to contact.. I feel like I'm there now. I wont get upset by contact wit her.

[Fivek]

There's WAAAAYYYYY too many "what if's" here. NC is for YOU, period!

 

Are you 100% better? If not, don't even worry about him/her and the "what if's." To truly accept the situation, you need to LET GO! Letting go means accepting whatever happens, happens!

 

If you want to try again, ok sure, but stop with the what if's and the needless tip-toe-ing style tactics. Were you like this before you ever met this person? I highly doubt it.

 

Even if you did get back together with them, you have essentially destroyed yourself!

 

Here's some inspirational music : Fleetwood Mac - Don't Stop

 

Keep on truckin' ! They're the ones who should be begging for second chances, not us!

[xenakis]

The last post on this thread really made me think.

 

I think I understand. It is absolutely useless to try again if you are not completely over-it. Why? Because you won't be yourself. You will be tip-toeing around with little tactics. And you can't put a mask in front of this. It will show at some point. You won't have the confidence you once had which was attractive to the other party. And you'll still have a lot of issues left from the previous times.

 

Wow! I feel much stronger from just reading that post. I am not scared anymore.

 

We must let time heal us.

[Fivek]

yay for being able to help others!

 

inspirational billboard sign told to me by a good friend for those that believe in a higher power, no matter what faith: "Don't worry about tomorrow ... because God is already there."

[Goofy7878]

I agree completely, .............................................................................about the quote i mean.............the guy who said the"better to have loved and lost" deal.................should absolutely and totally be shot............in the face.....................immediately.