male persistence

[asdf]

okay, i've been thinking about this lately, and wanted to hear some other people's thoughts on it. so, as a question for the females, does persistence ever change your mind about a guy? like if you gave a guy your number one time, he left you a message, and you ignored it, and he followed up on that, could that increase your attraction for him?

 

speak as openly as you want about this, i'm interested in hearing from a lot of different view points.

[girl_83]

I would say it all depends on the girl. Some girls might find him chasing them appealing and might give him a chance.

 

Me on the other hand i just get annoyed, i'll be honest, i cant stand guys that are sweet and give me 100% attention. I usually find guys who give me a challange alot more appealing. If i gave a guy my number and i never heard from him, then i would most likey be more interested in him if i saw him again somewhere else. Where as if he called and was presistent, i would lose all interest and most likey change my number.

 

I dont know if this makes any sense, but long story short. Im more interested in guys who arnt that interested in me. Crazy yes, but true.

 

Like i said though, different girls like different things

[asdf]

thanks for that. about the guys giving 100% attention, i understand that there is a feeling of clingyness and weakness on their part, but what if they way they persisted was in a more "manly" way. ie, what if the guy did it like brad pitt or george clooney would in a movie, in a charming, flirty, and unneedy way?

[shes2smart]

If my husband hadn't been persistent, he wouldn't be my husband.

 

I thought I had plenty of good reasons to blow him off -- he was too young, lived too far away, was divorced. But he wouldn't give up and go away.

 

Lucky for me. I couldn't have ordered a better match for myself emotionally, physically and spiritually. The things I was objecting to were, for the most part, surface BS stuff and not the things it takes to build and maintain a good relationship.

[randy]

this is a GREAT topic ! I think there should be a balance , . . . let's here some more female perspectives please ! ! !

[asdf]

one reason i started doing this was because of a change i had a few years ago. i had become tired of becoming passive, and started being more aggressive into approaching girls, and it did wonders. there were some mental blocks and limiting beliefs i had before which i suddenly realized weren't true.

 

even thought i had gotten a lot further, i had also decided not to follow up on girls who didn't return my first call, since i thought it would be pointless and annoying. i just recently realised that this was a mental block and started questioning it. i'm starting to think of ways of being persistent and still staying charming, which i think would work well.

[djedix]

Well first you gotta find the balance of being aggressive vs being obsessed

 

It's funny people always say not to call them all the time and make them come to you... which is it?

[lillady898]

I think it depends on how much I like a guy.

 

I met this one guy in a class I took, and he called me a few times to talk, which was fine. He was a decent guy. But then I missed his call and saw that he called me 6 times in five minutes. It freaked me out a little bit, and after that I just didn't answer my phone. And, of course, whenever I didn't answer my phone, he would call repetedly again.

 

If he would've drawn the line of not calling so much when I didn't answer, I wouldn't have gotten so scared. It honestly was a bit freaky.

 

I guess it depends on how far you take this persistance, and how well you pull it off without seeming needy or becoming an annoyance.

[Painting_MonaLisa]

I was not terribly interested in someone who I really was trying to set up with a friend. But he was very persistent. He wasn't overly aggresive or annoying so over time I came to hang out with him. We have decided just to be friends now but we had been seeing each other for about a year. He was persistent for about 2 months. Took the friend approach that turned into a little more than that.

[Caterina]

I don't really know...

I can only give my experience...

I am the sort of person who gives in if someone keeps pushing. However, if there was no initial interest, even if some is generated through simulation, the whole relationship usually turned out badly.

 

Also, its really difficult to explain the degrees that are acceptable and not using language.

[lifeiscash]

Good points from everyone, interesting post. The way I view the situation is that women want to feel loved, adored, and wanted. When i guy is aggressive at first contact with a woman many of them like the attention and appreciation that they are getting and give out postive feedback for a certain amount of time. But then again if you continue to be over-aggressive afterwards then it tends to get annoying because it shows weakness because he is over-pursuing and showing signs of desperation. My friend has a problem with this. He is great at one night stands but horrible at realtionships because he flatters girls from the beggining but then they get tired of it and decide to go elsewhere, the only ones that stay are the ones that have low self esteem and have some sort of baggage.

 

What I tend to do is just be casual about things, do my own thing and if you feel free to come along then great, if not then your missing your chance and I know another girl will take your place. Why should the man have to be so aggressive? If a woman is really into a man then there is no need for the guy to be THAT aggressive, the interest and attraction is either there or it isn't according to your prestige and who you are.

[Day_Walker]

I believe that in a general sense persistance does pay off. If you look at the psychological effects that it has on the person you are persuing then you will see that it shows them that they are wanted. This makes them think that you are really interested in them and in a general sense will give you a chance. Persistance is one of many tactics that will work ceterus peribus.

[djedix]

Persistance vs being a pest thou..

 

How much is TOO much?

[lifeiscash]

I believe that in a general sense persistance does pay off.

 

But then again you can be setting yourself up for failure and have alot of time wasted in a belief that might not even work out the way you want it to. It's okay to be persistent as long as it will probably get you somewhere, but to be persistent and just not wanting to admit defeat is another ideal.

[heloladies21]

Stick to zero tolerance on girls who don't return your calls. Sets a bad precedent that you will take their **** and come back for more.

[SkyFire]

okay, i've been thinking about this lately, and wanted to hear some other people's thoughts on it. so, as a question for the females, does persistence ever change your mind about a guy? like if you gave a guy your number one time, he left you a message, and you ignored it, and he followed up on that, could that increase your attraction for him?

 

speak as openly as you want about this, i'm interested in hearing from a lot of different view points.

 

Chicks like a guy that goes for what he wants, period.

 

What you speak of here, makes you look desparate. I doubt that will make the girl's attraction increase, unless maybe she's already crazy for you.

[patience]

I like knowing if someone is really into me or not.

If I like the person, I welcome persistance

[Jinx]

Persistance can be as good as it is bad in certain cases, it truly depends person to person.

 

For myself I am (usually) very open as to whether I like someone or not. Some people like said enjoy a challenge, I personally don't. If I am put off and not answered, if I see the individual again, they're not of consequence, the chance was there and it was wasted, I don't play games.

 

If I show interest, it is fine for the person to continue contacting me (Of course, I'm interested so makes sense), but if I tell them I'm not interested nicely once, second or third time are going to be increasingly harsh. If I say No, No means no with me. It is very rare case to develop feelings for people I don't fancy and have previously rejected.

 

Especially men who follow me around and call, overall being a pest just becomes creepy after awhile. Ones that seem to be everywhere I am suddenly is on a level all its own. I'm more prone to change my phone number than say - Sure why not I'm free this weekend and have nothing better to do.

[Msnak]

Persistance and annoyance...two different things. I've had guys call me after a date (or before) every few days just to say hi and see how I'm doing. Even when I'm not sure about them, it allows us to take time and see what might be there.

 

Annoyance is when you've got someone who doesn' t HEAR what you're telling them: "Hey, I'm busy, I'm out of town, I'm studying, I'm not interested" and they call you regardness, not once, but over and over and at weird times and too many times.

 

As for persistance, it is something a guy needs to lead in, and a girl will react and follow if she's a true grown-up.

 

What matters is consistency. If you're persistent and then stop all contact or it decreases noticeably, I lose trust in you and think you're not interested.

 

So persistance is good, but it sets a standard.

[novaseeker]

It's funny ... it seems like there is no consistency. I guess thats to be expected ... different people are different. Some of the women here have responded that they are straightforward and if they are interested they like being pursued, and others have said that if you pursue its a turn off ... that makes things hard to figure out for us guys, to be honest!

[darkblue]

Quite simply - Persistance will only work if the girl is attracted to you.

 

If she's just not into you - I don't see how you constantly persuing her will make much of a difference.

[novaseeker]

Quite simply - Persistance will only work if the girl is attracted to you.

 

If she's just not into you - I don't see how you constantly persuing her will make much of a difference.

 

I agree, except there was one post that suggested that not pursuing was what made her interested. THAT was interesting.

[darkblue]

Quite simply - Persistance will only work if the girl is attracted to you.

 

If she's just not into you - I don't see how you constantly persuing her will make much of a difference.

 

I agree, except there was one post that suggested that not pursuing was what made her interested. THAT was interesting.

 

thereforeeee, if you think she's into you - persue, but don't be clingy.

 

If you don't think she's attracted to you - don't persue and you never know what might happen. Win Win.

[sandman47]

Persistence is all fine and good if there's even a sliver of attraction on her part. My thing is that those women I've pursued have made it clear in no uncertain terms that our relationship would never be more than friends. This is true IRL and online. I must give off a vibe that those successful with women don't.

[rachelb]

I'm the type of girl who likes being pursued by the guy. However, when I'm interested I'll always give some sort of hint or signal. Might be subtle or just a tiny one but I'll give at least SOMETHING back (ie. texting him back, being playful) so it's giving him the go ahead to pursue.

 

The ones that really annoy me are guys that just don't take any sort of NEGATIVE hint. The ones that I've clear it's nothing more and yet they still pursue - that freaks me out and I get a bit creeped out.