we're not together, so is it really "cheating"?

[Mariposa]

Hi y'all, it's been awhile since I've posted on here. I've got a strange situation and I really don't know what to do about it. I'm hoping maybe some of you can help.

 

Okay, it's kind of complicated so please bear with me. There's a guy I've been seeing for seven months, but we are not a couple. Nobody knows that we've been seeing each other. He told me a few months ago that he loves me and I've told him the same thing back. After awhile I felt I couldn't take the sneaking around anymore, especially when I was suspicious of what he would do when we weren't together. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore, or sleep with him...which is mainly what we do when we hang out.

 

The next day some friends and I went out and we ran into my guy and one of his friends. I'm friends with his friend too, and that night he was being very friendly toward me. Well, we kissed that night and someone saw and told the others and my guy got upset. He asked me if I kissed his friend but I denied it and he dropped it, saying it didn't matter because we're not together anyway, I can kiss whoever I want.

 

Well, there are rumors going around at school that I slept with his friend, which I did not do. His friend and I talked about it the other night, and he told me he wants to have sex with me and he thinks we should since everyone thinks we did anyway. I think it would be okay to have sex with him, but the only thing holding me back is my guy who I'm still talking to, still seeing and still sleeping with. But I don't know if he's being "faithful" to me.

 

One of my girlfriends and my guy spend a lot of time together...they're close friends too. There's a rumor going around that they're sleeping together as well. I asked my guy about it and he denied it, but I have this suspicion that they are sleeping together. They spend a lot of time together and whenever all of us hang out, she's always all over him. He and I had plans to hang out Friday night, but now I found out that he's planning to go with her to a party out of town. I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too; I think he says he loves me but doesn't mean it.

 

So here's my question: Should I sleep with the other guy? Odds are it would get back to my guy, and I'm not sure how I'd handle that. But I feel like I shouldn't be waiting around and being faithful to him if I don't think he's being true to me either. I don't know if any of this makes any sense....but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[caasiopia68]

Stupid rumors... ok why would you sleep with the other guy??? Cus everyone already thinks you did? k thats a stupid reason... or because you wanna get back at him... k thats another dumb reason... hm... ugh... its not cheating i guess but still its about as bad... my ex kissed another guy right after we started taking a break... i concidered it cheating... Have you put into concideration about having sex cus your in love with that guy??? not only cus your vengful???

[Day_Walker]

I think you need to make a choice as to which one you want, it doesnt matter for what reason you want them but just make a decision.

[novaseeker]

What's the point of these relationships to begin with?

 

If you don't want to 'be together' with either of them, then why do you care what either of them thinks, or what anyone else thinks? It sounds to me like these are very, very casual relationships at this point, where noone wants to commit to anything and its basically either a FWB type relationship or maybe hooking up .. but either way, if noone has made a romantic commitment to anyone, why worry? I think the fact that you ARE worried/concerned may indicate that you wish you were in a romantic engagement with someone (perhaps one of these people) or a less casual relationship .. but if thats what you want then you have to make that need known .. but if you don't want that, then I really dont understand what the concern is, if these are all really just casual relationships.

 

This is why I am skeptical of these casual sexual relationships ... if they are so casual, why do people worry about them so much and/or get pissed off at each other when they think the casual partner is sleeping with someone else? I think it's hard for a repeated, serial sexual relationship to really be 'casual' in anything but theory.