I found this to be very helpful.

[CinnamonGirl]

To those of us who need to see it written.

 

VERBAL ABUSE

Ask yourself, does your partner:

 

ignore your feelings?

disrespect you?

ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?

ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?

withhold approval, appreciation or affection?

give you the silent treatment?

walk away without answering you?

criticize you, call you names, yell at you?

humiliate you privately or in public?

roll his or her eyes when you talk?

give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?

make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well?

seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get?

tell you you are too sensitive?

hurt you especially when you are down?

seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?

have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?

present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?

"twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?

try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?

complain about how badly you treat him or her?

threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?

say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?

ever left you stranded?

ever threaten to hurt you or your family?

ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"?

seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?

abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?

compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?

promise to never do something hurtful again?

harass you about imagined affairs?

manipulate you with lies and contradictions?

destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?

drive like a road-rage junkie?

act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?

question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?

interrupt you; hear but not really listen?

make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't?

use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?

incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame?

try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?"

frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?

treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

 

 

SOME WARNING SIGNALS:

 

I wish I had paid attention to this list or known about it when I met my ex fiance. He was AWFUL to his ex. Stupid me thinking this guy would be different with me because I am so great.

 

 

Watch how he acts with others. (If he is not nice, chances are he will treat you the same.)

 

Does he drink? How much?

 

Does he take drugs?

 

Do you feel stifled?

 

Is he abusive?

 

Does he hurt animals?

 

What kind of relationship does he have with his mother, father, brothers, sisters, kids, etc.

 

Does he respect the law?

 

Does he cheat?

 

Do little things he is doing bother you?

 

Does he lie?

 

Does he steal?

 

Is he short tempered?

 

Does he drive like a maniac?

 

Do your friends tell you he is no good for you?

 

Does he yell at or curse other drivers?

 

Does he feel nothing is ever his fault?

 

Can he admit when he is wrong or makes a mistake?

 

Will he say he is sorry?

 

Would you rather stay home than see him?

 

 

 

for more info see link removed

[Cynder]

My ex bf was guilty of almost all those things. When I first started dating my husband he was guilty of about half.

 

My husband and I have gone to counceling and gotten passed a lot of things.

 

Still, if I'd seen something like this when I met my ex bf it would have really helped.

[Jetta]

Good to know.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

at least some of those things you mentioned are things almost everybody of both genders does some of the time.