I JUST NEED HOPE....

[Echo]

Hi all.

 

I want to know if anyone has every gotten back with someone even after that person swore they would never see you or talk to you again? I am losing hope right now. Things ended badly. I was too clingy needy, didn't give proper space and now he says just leave him alone. Now I have no choice, but to leave him alone. Up until that point things looked promising.

Can people still change their minds even after saying mean things? I know sometimes people say things when they are angry or just fed up.

I am looking to do strict NC for at least 6 months, is that a reasonable amount of time to try again? I just want to be on good terms again.

Thanks

[ReadyorNot]

I think it can happen.. but only if you do NC....

just because it can happen doesnt mean it will happen for you though.

 

Ive been too clingy etc etc with my fiance and we broke up, but after strict NC he started calling again and eventually we got back together... he actually at first did say that he never wanted to see me again... I guess you push them to a certain level they feel they have to say that..

 

After something like this happens I feel that you easily learn to be less clingy....

 

If you do try NC (I strongly recommend) dont call him after six months.... let him come to you... if he doesnt then honestly he isnt ready or it wasnt meant to be.

[Echo]

Thank you Ready....

 

Comforting words, but at the same time I am aware that each situation IS different. I am doing better than I was before because the finality of his words has made me start healing little by little.

Can I ask how long you did NC before your ex contacted you?

Thanks.

[joeysgirl]

Hi Echo

 

I agree with the other poster, NC is definitely the way to go. I broke up with my ex about 3 weeks ago, i did phone him a couple of times and asked if we would get back together at first he said he thought so and then said he didn't know i think hes trying to let me down gently because he really is a great guy.

 

Anyway, today is day 7 of NC for me. He has written a couple of emails to see how i am but im determined not to respond unless of course he asks me back. I think you need to give him time to miss you, he'll either want you back or you'll realise its time to let go. Either way you sound like a great person and if you're patient you'll find the answers you are looking for.

 

Good luck

[Echo]

Joeysgirl , thanks.

 

I am in NC right now. I have no choice. I mean , YEAH I could email

him ...and have him think of me as some psycho stalker. I have just been trying to make amends and apologize for whatever went wrong. I know I haven;t given him enough time to really miss me or get over it.....but now I have no choice.

 

Anyway, I deleted my screen name I used to mail him. I don;t expect to hear from him , so I didn;t want to even give myself a reason to keep checking. I am pretty much accepting that it's REALLY over.

[Hope75]

Hi Echo,

 

If he has asked you to leave him alone, then that is what you must do. People do sometimes get back together after being apart, but it only happens if both people want it to happen and are willing to put in the time and effort to make what went wrong right, and then keep things going smoothly, which takes alot of work.

 

It doesn't sound promising for you right now, and I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to not hold onto him and to try and move forward for you. If after a time he contacts you and seems interested in trying again, at that point you can re evaluate if that is in fact what you want (and by that point you might not want him back!) but unless that happens, it isn't healthy for you to hold on to someone who doesn't want to be with you.

 

I'm sorry that this is hurting you so much. Try to keep yourself busy with friends and family and other things, and hopefully sooner rather than later you will be on your way to a happy life-- regardless of whether or not he comes back.

 

You CAN have hope... but make that hope for yourself and YOUR life.

[Echo]

Thanks Hope.

 

I was holding onto hope way too long..probably TOO long, and I feel pretty pathetic for it. I just wish it didn't have to come down to him

having to tell me that. This could have had a much different ending

had I been more patient, or not pushed so much. Thats what I have been trying to make amends for, only to push him away.

 

I am doing my best to accept it's over and realize he's NOT coming back.

Thanks again.

[Hope75]

This could have had a much different ending

had I been more patient, or not pushed so much. Thats what I have been trying to make amends for, only to push him away.

 

Hi Echo,

 

Maybe, maybe not, who can say? The point is it's not healthy to sit here and blame yourself too much over the breakup. What's done is done, and the very best thing is for you to take what you've learned from your mistakes in this relationship and use them to change the way you behave in your next. All is not lost, if you let this guy go you just might open the door for someone new and even more special to enter your life and who will appreciate you for who you are, and you will be ready to treat them with respect and kindness and not push them, but accept who they are.

 

Take care.

[ReadyorNot]

I think you are right to NOT email him... in the future you will come to reazlize that when a person constantly calls, emails and hangs on to an ex that has ended things, you look like a friggin retard. At least I feel I looked like that a few times... Im so glad I have learned.

 

My fiance and I were in NC for about 3 weeks when he called and we got back together, but the second time it was only about 4 days.

 

I started NC with my ex because I couldnt handle being friends with him if he didnt want to be with me anymore and he never called... I never called him... and he never called... it really sucked at the time... but it was SOOOOOO much easier to get over him during NC. Him and I broke up before for a period of 6 months and of course I didnt get over him with the hope he gave me every day... Even though I was sick to my stomach upset, NC was like a breath of fresh air.

[Echo]

LOL Ready....

 

"Friggin Retard" is exactly the word I feel like right now ..lol..but that did make me laugh

 

As I said, I am coming to terms with the fact it is OVER. No more calls, emails or anything from me....just silence.

NC is my only saving graace anymore...regardless of the outcome.

Thanks

[angelxo5]

Hi Echo,

I don't believe you should lose hope. Sometimes the person will say mean things because that is the only way to get you to give them space - they have to be straight up mean. The reason I don't think you should lose hope is because I was the same way when my first ex and I broke up. I would nag him just about every day to see if we could get back together. He said it will never happen and to move on. He kept hurting my feelings and finally one night my brother took care of it and screamed at him. Needless to say, the ex and I didn't talk again. Six months later out of the blue he IMed me and we were talking. He apologized and everything and said how he hated life and that he wished that we just stuck it out. I said, "Yeah but you told me not to waste my time and that we would never be together again." He said that if I just gave him his space he thinks we would've been back in no time. I'm just saying, he and I HATED each other like no other. After six months of no talking we got along just fine and he even showed interest in getting back together but I didn't want to. He said that he just needed time to forget about everything. So please don't lose hope. If we talked again, I think anyone could because our fallout was BAD!! Just give it time until he forgets about it all and months down the road he'll be asking himself, "Why did we break up exactly?" I hope this helps & good luck!!

[angelxo5]

Hi Echo,

I don't believe you should lose hope. Sometimes the person will say mean things because that is the only way to get you to give them space - they have to be straight up mean. The reason I don't think you should lose hope is because I was the same way when my first ex and I broke up. I would nag him just about every day to see if we could get back together. He said it will never happen and to move on. He kept hurting my feelings and finally one night my brother took care of it and screamed at him. Needless to say, the ex and I didn't talk again. Six months later out of the blue he IMed me and we were talking. He apologized and everything and said how he hated life and that he wished that we just stuck it out. I said, "Yeah but you told me not to waste my time and that we would never be together again." He said that if I just gave him his space he thinks we would've been back in no time. I'm just saying, he and I HATED each other like no other. After six months of no talking we got along just fine and he even showed interest in getting back together but I didn't want to. He said that he just needed time to forget about everything. So please don't lose hope. If we talked again, I think anyone could because our fallout was BAD!! Just give it time until he forgets about it all and months down the road he'll be asking himself, "Why did we break up exactly?" I hope this helps & good luck!!

[angelxo5]

Crap. It sent twice!!! Sorry, Echo!! I'm new at this. haha

[Miahni]

Hi Angelxo5,

 

Do you mind saying what led to the break up? Were you two fighting a lot etc.? How long were you together? Do you know if he was seeing anyone else during the time apart? Did you eventually get back together with him?

 

Reason I ask is my fiance and I were together for 6 years and then he met someone at work that pursued him and he told me he was done and he didn't want to work on things and that he wasn't happy with me and that he's moved on. But I feel deep down he loves me because how can that change in a few weeks???

 

Thanks,

Miahni

[angelxo5]

Hey Miahni,

Well we were together for about a year and we were both each other's first love. We had a great relationship but then he changed and became very possessive and controlling so that led to the fighting. I kept trying to break up with him but he would never accept or allow me to but eventually I just kept trying and kept fighting with him until he finally did want to break up. I never understood why I missed him though. I mean, we had a wonderful relationship at first, but he put me through a lot of bad times and I don't know why I ever dwelled on it.

In my opinion, if you were with your love for 6 years, I don't think you have ANYTHING to worry about. Nothing will ever compare to what you two had over a span of 6 years. Although it may hurt you, I honestly think that he found the one he wants to settle down with (you), and now he is panicing because he will no longer be able to date anyone else!! Guys are weird and sometimes long-term commitments scare them! I think that after 6 years of being with you he's realized that he wants to spend forever with you, so he wants to get dating other people out of his system. I wouldn't dwell on it, you should do the same. He may say he isn't happy with you but just wait until the novelty of his new flame wears off, he'll probably realize that you made him happier than anyone ever has or will. In the mean time if the two of you still talk I'd be civil with him, but don't bend over backwards for him. The butterflies he gets for you are still there, he's just taught them to fly in formation. I just try to go by the quote of, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Give it time & good luck!!!

[Juha]

My g/f of 1.5 years left me over me changing but I had anxiety issues that she did not know about and I just fell flat on my face...She said I changed and went right out dating someone new, a real loser who does not compare to me...I am getting help now and am so much better thantwo months ago...

 

I called, texted, talked....I apologized and nothing I said meant anything she was getting into some bad things (drugs) with this new guy as hes is an heroin addict trying to quit, doing coke with this guy and she told me and I could hear it and see it that she was strung out many times...

 

I tried talking with her and about being concerned about her and she just shrugged it off...Well I talked with her family and they confronted her and said my name....It seems she straightened out a little but she is so angry with me for talking to her family...

 

I have gone NC and probably lost her forever now...

 

We went from best friends and true lovers to nothing....

 

I do not expect to hear from her for a long time if ever as she believes I hate her now that I do not reply to her contacts anymore...

 

She is with someone else and does not need me around I have to much respect for myself for that game....

[scorchio]

angelx5.

 

A lovely post

 

inspiring

 

me and ex been split for 5months, here's hoping she realises one day, and I hope she misses me deep down.

[coooolsome]

Hey, give your ex space. Also, try to accept that its over and try to not think about hope. That will keep you in the past. To move forward I realized that you cannot hope for something. I dont mean lose the hope, just forget about it for a while. Try to stop thinking about the relationship and him and move on. Do NC for YOURSELF, no one else.

 

Think about it, how would you feel if he kept calling you everyday begging you to come back? You would be annoyed and wouldnt want to talk to this person. Become the person he first fell in love with. I came to the realization pretty quickly(2 weeks) and so have many other people like superdave and look at how he is now.

 

Great quote: Dont let the past dictate who you are but let it be part of the person you will become.

 

Life is full of surprises, live life to the fullest. Do NC until you are fully healed. Dont put a timeframe on it. Just do it until you are able to be your own person.

[Echo]

Cooolsome....

 

That is AWESOME advice. This post was posted at a time when I was feeling weak and needy. Since this post I HAVE been in NC for over 3 weeks....and I AM doing it for me. I have since decided it is completely OVER....at least for now. I am working on me. I realized the ONLY thing I can control is myself and my actions. For me, letting go was the BEST thing I could have done. I think most of my frustration was trying to control an outcome I had NO control over...and that was hard to give up.

 

I am not saying I am over him...but I am not dwelling on things. My day isn't ruined because I emailed him or contacted him and he didn't respond. I am simply doing NOTHING. Doing NOTHING is actually the most I have ever done to actually help the situation...as ironic as that sounds. Now, my outlook is....whatever happens happens. I will be totally ok and happy either way. I really believe thats the best mindset to have.

 

Thanks to all who have replied to this post

I appreciate it very much!

[edoggy79]

Hey Echo,

My ex just broke up with me 5 weeks ago this friday. She basically told me it was over and to move on. We have been together for the past 6.5 years. We had the fairy tale start. I was in the military stationed in South Carolina. We were good friends and went to high school together. One day I called her while I was a little drunk and told her I was in love with her, and had been for the past couple of years. She came to see me a couple of days later to visit for a while. We instantly fell in love. The first 7 months of the relationship were long distance (michigan vs. south carolina). I would drive 14 hours just to see her for about a day and a half. And then 14 hours right back. I showed alot of affection in the beginning and we grew deeply in love. Well, over the past couple of years, situations have taken their toll on the relationship. She said she would have married me six months ago, but now cant be with me anymore.

I did the clingy thing at first. I begged and pleaded. We were supposed to be together, and everyone knew it and expected it. For the past week and a half I've done NC. I really do hope she comes back, but cant live for that hope. I feel youre pain. Everyone around me is in some way trying to help me. I do still think about her everyday. I've just started expressing it less. I guess we are kinda in the same boat. Keep the hope but concentrate on yourself. Things WILL get better no matter the outcome.

[Echo]

Thanks Edoggy!!!

 

I am feeling much much better. I went through that pity party stage..and believe me I felt like dirt. Now, I am coming out of the fog. I am seeing the sun again. I am making plans. I am smiling more..I am

feeling more positive. This is all up to ME. It's really mind over matter.

My ex is NOT going to make me feel better...even if he DID talk to me, it would not be in the way I want him to. Until I am completely OK with receiving minimum contact or just a "friendship" level relationship...NO Contact is the best thing for me. Otherwise I am going to pressure him or push him into being or giving me something he just cannot..or WILL not give me.

 

I am in a good place right now...and I don't want to go back.

Not until I get what I deserve..and that is for someone to want me as much as I want them. Not crumbs, or a lukewarm relationship. I am better than that..and life is WAY too short.

 

Simply put..I am finally becoming happy again.

Much of it is owed to this site.... SO thinaks everyone for helping me

get back here.

[spaulding18]

Well if you scroll down the page and will find out what happened to me. I am on the opposite side of it, but the guy got his girl back. Sounded to me like she was immature and clingy, but when she started dating someone new he wanted none of that so he worked his magic and got her back. There is hope for you although I don't want to give you false hope.

[angelxo5]

Sorry - a little delayed.. but thanks a lot Scorchio!!

[acuraman]

I am in that position right now. My ex broke up with me and called me the very next day. She said that I made her real angry that day and I let her down, so she had no choice but to break up with me.

 

During our break up, she said some really mean and hurtful things to me. I didn't know she had it in her to say those things.

 

The day after, she wanted to talk and apologize for her actions, and that she was truly sorry. She said that she still wants to be with me, but she needed time to think things through and to clear her head. I agreed.

 

Its almost been a week, and we are still trying to work things out. I am giving her space, and just hope that she will make the right decision.

 

So I guess it can work, it just depends on the person who wants to make it work. Anything is possible.