Confused now more than ever?

[PiggiePig]

I have an ex who I share a child with. He has since remarried and has two children with his wife. Recently, he has moved his family and transferred jobs into my state. We had not lived in the same state since we broke up.

 

We decided to meet for lunch to discuss schedules, visits, holidays, etc, and I thought everything was going well...until he mentioned the drop off a few days earlier. He was upset that I did not make eye contact with him or get out of my car to say hello. He had walked up to my car I waved hello, and waited until he was outside before our child got out of the car. Maybe I should have gotten out, but I didn't think it was a big deal. At the lunch he kept saying we have issues to work on and only time will tell. This bothered me for a while after the lunch, then I let it go. He has moved on and so have I. Why would he still be holding on to issues that are over 13 years old?

[BellaDonna]

Why would he still be holding on to issues that are over 13 years old?

 

Maybe it's his ego?

 

 

I didn't think it was a big deal

 

I don't think it's a big deal either. I think as long as you are cordial with him for the sake of the child, you're being completely appropriate.You do not owe him anything outside of your parenting duties. You don't have to jump up and smile or answer questions about issues other than your child.

 

hekept saying we have issues to work on and only time will tell

 

Unless the issues are specifically in relation to the child, you do not owe him anything. You are no longer committed to him and vice versa. If he starts to bring up old issues which are out of context to parenting, I would politely say " I prefer not to talk about anything that isn't related to our child"

 

We decided to meet for lunch to discuss schedules, visits, holidays, etc

 

It sounds like you're doing your part as a mother already and going about it the right way. He just might be overly sensitive.

 

 

BellaDonna

[skyjuice]

Hi PiggiePig,

 

Issues over 13 year olds, do you mind tell what is it about?

 

Is it about things that are unsolve while you two break up?

 

If it is about child care, it is totally normal.

[PiggiePig]

It is definitely some unresolved issues surrounding our breakup because it just sort of happened. I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone, by leaving school and moving back to my parents to raise the baby. I didn't ask for marriage, financial support or anything else. I wanted him to finish school and if he wanted to be there for the baby he could. By doing this, he has become successful and has started contributing to our child's life emotionally and financially. I don't know if he ever gotten over me completely, except for the fact that he's married. Having the baby changed a lot of things and it was never clear about why we broke up...we just did.

[BellaDonna]

I just read some of your other posts and it seems you are not over him yet either.

 

I think it's good that he's back in your son's life, but it's going to stir up some old issues. I think you should play it safe and keep your communications with him strictly about parenting your son.

 

The past is the past. It would be very dangerous to open that can of worms again regarding old issues since he is already married with children.

 

 

BellaDonna

[DN]

When you went back to your parents was that when you went out of state? Could be see the baby/child easily where you were?

[Cecelius]

His issues are that he got you pregnant but apparently wasn't good enough to marry -- that's gotta hurt for a guy, no matter how true it is. Cut him some slack (unless there's something else that he's done that changes the balance) and be compassionate to him.