is it cheating?

[confusedgrl23]

k, I wasnt sure which forum to post this under so I chose this one.

 

I used to date this wonderful, perfect guy, lets call him Mike for two yrs, couple yrs ago. We lost touch for about a yr, and we just "reconciled" about 8 months ago..... Anyways I love him with all my heart, I wish I'll marry him and have babies with him

k well after we reconciled, he got promoted at work, and really wanted to put alot of time into his job etc. There was just so much other things goin on in his life that he needed to settle before he jumped into a relationship with me, so we were just "seeing" eachother, but he knew I was dating others as well. Recently in the past month, we got alot closer, kinda like we used to when we were dating, he is soo sweet, takes me out, just acts like a bf. Last week he said that "now that he has settled in his job, he has more time for me and would like to spend it with me".

 

I've also been seeing this other guy, lets call him Josh...who is great, but I just dont feel the love for him like I do for Mike. I do care about him, and like him alot, I just dont have the heart for him if that makes any sense. Well last night he called me, and wanted to see me. We made out, and things got a little heated and we slept together. I stopped it in the mid because I just felt too guilty and couldnt go on anymore.

 

 

Sooo this is my dillema. Technically Mike is not my bf, but I care about him with all my heart. I know you guys will say then why am I seeing other people, I guess I dont have an answer to that, maybe Im just a horrible person

 

After last night I feel soo damn guilty that I just want to cry. I dont know what to do, Im panicking. I want to be with just Mike, but the fact that he wont commit to me at this moment, I get drawn to Josh when Mike is not available. Josh knows everything, and doesnt really care. There is nothing between me and Josh besides just us spending time together once in a while and well hooking up.

 

I just text Mike just to say goodmornign and he hasnt text me back yet, prolly because hes working and busy, but I cant stop thinking that what if something horrible happened to him last night while I was doing the deed with Josh. I feel sooo horribly grossly guilty.

 

 

Am I wrong? Am I being silly? Should I feel guilty? Im soo lost I dont know what to do....I guess I need others perspective on this situation.

l

[hockeyboy]

does "mike" know your sexually active with others? did you have any kind of agreement on whether or not the two of you were "allowed" to sleep with others?

[confusedgrl23]

Mike says that if I am, he does not want to know. But he knows how I feel about him, and knows what I want.

[chai714]

I get drawn to Josh when Mike is not available. Josh knows everything, and doesnt really care.

 

Whether or not it is cheating is not really the main concern here.

 

You're seeking out men for your own comfort and are gaining a false sense of high self-esteem. If you always feel you need to be with one or the other, what does that tell you about yourself? If Josh doesn't care about you, and you know this, what does that mean? You are drawn to him because why? Because he's unavailable? Because you're insecure? Why do you think you want someone who does not care about you?

[confusedgrl23]

chai, I appreciate your response. All due respect, I do not always feel like I need to be with one or the other. I just want to be wtih Mike, but because he wont commit to me, I feel like I have the right to date others as well. Till last night, when all of a sudden I felt really really guilty.

 

And I think I phrased this wrong....I do care about Josh, and Josh cares about me, we've known eachother for a long time. I am just not in love with him like I am with Mike. I did not plan on hooking up with him last night...I dont know what I was thinking. Im stupid.

[Day_Walker]

What you seem to be having is an inconsistency between your actions and your feelings. You could be justified in acting this way, but its actually going to depend on Mike's intentions with you. Does he want to be with you as well but just says that his life is too busy at the moment? It seems to me that you are just attempting to deal with the situation and you dont know really how you should act. You need to act how you feel is appropriate. Thats the only way you will be able to deal with this situation.

[Hope75]

If Mike won't commit to you, do you think you might want to consider moving on, since you aren't getting what you would like from him?

[Iceman26]

I dont think your a horrible person, just a horribly confused person.

 

If you loved Mike, the thought of dating other guys wouldnt even come into your mind.

 

I think you need to figure out what it is you want, but for now, you should just simply date.

[gypsy65]

I don't think you did anything to betray Mike. You guys aren't dating exclusivley and he hasn't asked you to stop seeing other guys, he only said he doesn't want to know. If Mike isn't giving you a committment you are free to do what you want. Until you have a ring on your finger you don't need to feel guilty, I don't think.