would you ever date someone that

[confusedgrl23]

you are not really attracted to physically but for some reason you LOVE spending time with them.

 

Not to sound shallow but I've always dated guys just so I can "show them off" sounds pretty selfish and superficial I know

 

Well I met this guy, he is such an awsome person, he has the perfect personality but Im not really attracted to him physically (please dont judge me on that)... Whenever he gets close to me I get soo shy and nervous and Im NEVER nervous around anyone! and then when I leave his house I have this huge smile on my face.

 

Sooo I guess my question is have you ever dated someone you were not physically attracted to but you loved spending time with that person?

 

Can you get over the physical aspect to enjoy the person as a whole or am I just being shallow and immature?

[hockeyboy]

I've always dated really good looking girls. The girl I dated for 4 years was really hot and as far as I knew, she was always hot. However, after the relationship ended I looked through some of our pictures and there was about a years time where she really packed on some weight. Looking at the pictures I was not attracted to her...however, when I was with her I never noticed, I guess I just saw past it.

 

How attractive somebody is can change for the better or worse once you get to know the person. If this guy really is great then I'm sure you'll start to see things in him that your attracted to with time.

[DN]

If you continue to date guys in order to show off you would be shallow and immature - but if you can get past the superficial and appreciate what really matters - then you are becoming mature.

 

It is the difference between caring what other people think and wanting to look good - and doing what you want because it pleases you.

 

If this guy makes you happy - why would you leave him?

[misery12]

Exactly as DN said it.

If this guy makes you happy, but isn't really a prize winner in the attractive category, who cares?

Think if the tables were turned.. and you were REALLY into this guy, who was good looking, but you weren't that good looking.. wouldn't you be upset if he made that the reason why you stopped spending time together?

 

I agree with hockeyboy as well... because when I started going out with my ex, I wasn't THAT attracted to her, but when I got to know her personality, she was the most beautiful thing I've seen, and nobody compared.

[jstme]

If you uncomfortable with this person under certain circumstances and very comfortable under others, do what feels right under the justifiably correct guise of "going slow." Someday maybe you will want to be closer. He will have to understand you need more time. Whether it is fear of commitment or not finding him physically attractive. He doesn't need to know which.

You seem like you feel somewhat smothered by him, awesome or not. Maybe you need to see more of him in public places.

Time will tell. It will either get better or worse with him. Either way it can't stay the same.

Forget the past. Some people you want to show off, others not. Each person is one of a kind. This one might not fit the mold of the others. That doesn't make you shallow. Just a person who recognizes the differences.

Good luck.

jstme

[jna35]

Yes, actually I would because I think quality of character is soooooo important. I also think that people can be more attractive to us as we get to know someone really well. Once love develops I think looks tend to fall away and they become truly handsome/beautiful to you for who they truly are. Looks are very subjective anyway, so what's handsome/beautiful to one will not be to someone else. True beauty shines from within. I have known many people who most people would consider good looking, but the minute they open their mouth, that beauty goes away.

 

It is immature to want to "show off" a guy. What's the point of that anyway? Wouldn't you rather be able to say, "My guy is a wonderful person?" This guy sounds really nice. If you aren't willing to overlook that, I'm sure there is someone who will!

[justwonderingkid]

well as for me i guess ive always been attracted for thier personality and then them having such a beautiful personality, to me i saw them as a beautiful person. in time you will feel that way most likely as well

[Vert]

I agree with everything that's been said here. My ex-gf, looking back now, was not the typical girl that I found attractive. She was very short (5'1"... I've usually dated girls that were at least 5'6" or more), a bit pudgy but more so extremely curvy (total petite yet overly curvy latina body), and somewhat big thighs. Usually those would be a turn-off to me, but after being around her and seeing her energy and humor, I saw directly past that. My friends would say "she's ok, but you've been with better looking girls" and I actually took offense at that. To me she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever been with, but now that we're not dating I don't see her with those eyes anymore. She's still a pretty girl, but I think now I can see her again without the tint of "love", know what I mean?

 

I've always just wanted to be with a woman that loved me, respected me, and wanted to be with me all the time (still I have to be attracted physically in some way). I believe most of us feel that way too and once we mature we realize that physical appearance is a secondary thing.

[ShySoul]

If you like spending time with someone, and you get along well, then you will start to find them attractive and good looking physically, even if you didn't see that originally. Inner beauty is what counts, and that inner beauty will manifest itself externally.

[Süsser Tod]

I've never been in a situation where a girl I liked looked bad after we separated, or viceversa.

 

In fact, my GF of 3 years was never atractive to me, I didn't disliked her, but I never thought her as a "hot gilr" just plain X, and when things wend downhill I started thinking of her a bit on the ugly side.

[Caterina]

It sounds like you are attracted to him even though he isn't currently as standardly visually appealing. If you are nervous around him, that might mean that you are already becoming physically attracted to him. If you like him, I say go for it, but don't hurt his feelings and never tell him that you aren't physically attracted to him...

[flowereyes]

Im going to give you some advice my mum gave me... When she said it I was about 17.. and who at 17 takes there mums' advice. So ofcourse I went and dated good looking guys, popular guys all throughout high school and so on. Anyways.. back to the advice part.. She always told me, the not so "cool" guys, and the not so gorgous guys... are always the "prince charmings"... I had to learn the hard way of course.

 

I, just like you dated... or seemed to find myself around, the guys I can "show off"... anyways, So all of my ex's are the biggest, most selfish... *******s... (you know what Im saying..) Until I finally decided to listen to my mum, and I completely fell for "the not gorgous, quieter guy"...

 

We've been together for a year now, and Ive never ever felt the way I do, and I know its because he treats me like a queen. I say just go for it... If its ment to happen it will happen, if you have feelings... dont second guess it. Follow your heart... if its your heart guiding you, you'll never be wrong.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

confused I limit my responses these days cuz I ain't gonna be around much longer. But your topic caught my attention.

I suggest you continue to date guys in order to impress other people, seriously. The public has that much power over you, people have that much power over you, I think it would be the wisest thing you could do right now to continue with this pattern of behavior.

Is it shallow? Yes. Is it immature? Maybe. But since adults are supposed to be mature and yet most adults aren't much more evolved, I would call it something else. And evolution (emotional evolution that comes from introspective, retrospective, and basic wisdom) is what I am getting at,

You aren't ready for a serious lasting relationship based on love and romantic attraction. So stick with the physical until you are and give this poor guy a break.

[MetallicAguy]

For me, I gotta have both. I mean I'm ok spending time with the girl and enjoying her company and being interested in her even if she isn't the most beautiful thing. Just as long, as she doesn't have a bad face and huge legs and a big gut I'm ok with it. If I really do have a crush on her a lot and we have a lot in common, her personality will basically "override" if her physical beauty and she will become beautiful to me because of her personality.

[Shinobie]

Ya i would date a person that i wasnt attracted too but im attracted too most girls.I agree with shy on the fact that if u like spending time with him.You should become more attracted to him physically.

[skyteph]

You should become more attracted to him physically.

 

Just because you should, doesn't mean you always can. I enjoy the company of alot of guys, but that doesn't mean I'd /want/ to date them.