wish girls would be more assertive

[joe45]

i don;t now why as a guy we have to do everything, take the inititave to talk to the girl, wonder if she is intrested, and if she is ask her out and we might even get rejection and face embarrassment. i mean as a guy i have to do a lot of work. all the girl has to do is give the guy a couple of glances to show she is interested and thats it oh ya and dress up and look nice-makeup, nice clothes.

 

i think its a lot of work especially if ur a shy guy like myself. it helps a lot when u have a girl who likes knows she likes a guy and ask him out and initiate. i myself have had girls looks at me, check me out but never once did i have a girl ask me out or even flirt -that be the case at 24 asian guy i never had a gf or dated b/c of my shyness and quiteness. tell u the truth i probably missed like 5 chances in HS and college combined just due to cluelessness of the signs girls give out(always looking at me, sayin hello, give me pat on the lap,) and not nowing what to do, shyness, quietness- i mean if the gal had found me attractive -why didn't she ask me out or initiate.

these days i have changed- i have a friend who is a girl now, i am also talkin-well small talk to girls as before when i was in HS and in my very earlt 20's i wouldn't even go up and talk to a girl, all i have to do now is ask for a gal's numberwhich i have done ,and ask her out which i haven't had a date yet.

i did go out with a gal from one of my classes ,but wasn't attracted to her at all-more like a friend date and practice wise for myself.

i can tell u this its sooo frustrating. tell u the truth i don't even now where i going to find my future wife or gf -ppl say school but it happening it for me now. i really wish girl were more assertive in getting a guy they liked

[blondjeanyis2009]

As a girl, hmm this is a hard topic to reply to LO. I have to agree with you actually. Though I have never asked a guy out, but I have put him in a position to where he asks me out when I thought the proper time. And so far its worked. But I do know that guys like to be asked out once in a while too. I agree, but its hard to practice what you preach when this sorta stuff is comeing from a girl, LOL!! But maybe you'll find a nice brave girl out there that is willing to go opposite for a day and take the iniciative to ask the guy out and so on and so forth. It all depends on the girl though.

[Gunther]

It's our responsibility as men, besides most men can take it better than women. If a guy gets turned down, no big deal, but if a woman takes the extra risk and still gets turned down then, it really stings.

 

Men are just supposed to be the ones to ask. Though sometimes you'll find a woman who will ask you out, it's definatly a nice change of pace, but this isn't to common.

[jna35]

I can see what you are saying, but you are asking girls to possess a trait, "assertiveness," that you do not possess yourself. So.....what to do? I think if you work on your comfortability level with women they will pick up on it and perhaps find you more approachable, maybe even ask you out.

[Tigris]

Some of us are assertive, you just haven't come accross us yet!

 

I asked my two husbands' out. If I'd had to wait for them to ask I'd have been old and grey! I also asked them to marry me!

 

However, girls are brought up to think it is the guy who asks them out. My mother would have been horrified if she thought I'd approached my husbands. That saying, 'What they don't know won't hurt them' is true!

 

Don't worry about asking girls out on dates. Just take a deep breath and do it!

 

Good luck.

[asdf]

because a man's supposed to have balls and a girl isn't

[Markers]

because a man's supposed to have balls and a girl isn't

 

 

 

 

(sorry for not having anything creative to add)

[Blackmsmithdave]

girls are genrally not assertive, its just the way they are. Same kinda thing when girls allways fancy men older then them. but in my opinion its not because the guy is more mature though that is often the case its because, of what the older man can give them that they cant get by themselves. Its the same with asking out, they want something for nothing. (by the way this is not a dig at girls, its just kinda the way i view most girls, however there are a few exceptions)

[Shidoshi]

It isn't going to change so why bother even thinking about it? You will have to approach no matter what, so just do it and stop analyzing it. It won't do you any good to try and justify it. You want women? Then do what is necessary to get them.

[ShySoul]

Your not meeting the right girls. Plenty of girls are assertive, if anything too assertive. And even more do everything except ask the guy out. All you have to do is pick up on it and go the other 5%.

 

Here's what I think: Stop thinking, stop playing games, stop dancing around the subject... who ever gets the idea first should just go ahead and ask. It would save everyone time, effort, and worry.

[easyguy]

Here's what I think: Stop thinking, stop playing games, stop dancing around the subject... who ever gets the idea first should just go ahead and ask. It would save everyone time, effort, and worry.

 

I was just about to say that.

 

I've also found that the more you think about it (and TALKING about it like this), the harder it will be, because not only are you pressuring yourself to do it, you are undoubtedly creating these expectations and worrisome thoughts about what she might think of you. If you just DO IT and not think about it, you would probably care less what the end result is. No one got good without learning from their mistakes.

 

Just get in the flow of things and you should be fine.

[ShySoul]

Nike had the right idea all along: JUST DO IT.

 

That's what I'm trying to master right now, the ability to just follow my heart and go for something.

[Shinobie]

because a man's supposed to have balls and a girl isn't

 

 

I personally think it would be great for more girls did it to change it up.I cant pick out that one girls that likes me.Cause 97% of girls seem to be disgusted by me.Its easier for u to say when u have prolly had like a crap load of gf's.With how good ur confidence is in your posts i would prolly say ur pretty damn hot too women but i migth be wrong cause im teh stupid.

[Caldus]

Have you guys ever considered the possibility that the girl isn't interested in you let alone even acknowledges your existence? Have you tried meeting her and talking to her casually first?

[asdf]

because a man's supposed to have balls and a girl isn't

 

 

I personally think it would be great for more girls did it to change it up.I cant pick out that one girls that likes me.Cause 97% of girls seem to be disgusted by me.Its easier for u to say when u have prolly had like a crap load of gf's.With how good ur confidence is in your posts i would prolly say ur pretty damn hot too women but i migth be wrong cause im teh stupid.

 

here's the thing: girls are probably thinking exactly the same way you are which is why they won't approach.

 

end of the day somebody has to do it. and being more confident will have more girls interested in you. a female is sexually attracted to men who portray signs of dominance, especially confidence.

 

listen, i know what it's like being the shy guy that girls don't look at, and i understand exactly how hard it is to be confident. but it is possible to make the change. you just need to work towards it. start with small things, that you can measure. like tell yourself you're going to say hi to five strangers (male or female) when walking past her on the street or in a store with a confident smile on your face. work on little things like that and work your way up to quick jokes, then small conversations, then longer conversations, etc.

 

these kinds of shyness problems can be solved. it just depends on whether or not you're gonna actually go out and work on them, or if you're just going to make excuses for yourself. i do sympathise with shy guys because i used to be one, but i also know that i had nothing to blame my failures on but my inaction, and i think it's important that shy people recognise how they're only that limitted because they choose to be.

[SkyFire]

Girls are scared of rejection far more then we are.

 

Plus, it's a man's job to call the shots.

[SkyFire]

Instead of wishing girls to be more assertive, why dont YOU get your own confidence to ask the girls out? Because you're shy?

 

Fix that.

[ShySoul]

Instead of wishing girls to be more assertive, why dont YOU get your own confidence to ask the girls out? Because you're shy?

 

Well, turn that around and ask girls the same question. Why don't they get the confidence to ask a guy out?

 

Plus, it's a man's job to call the shots

 

Spoken like a true chavenist.

 

But even if the guy does the asking, are they really calling the shots? The girl has to say yes, which means in the end, they call the shots.

 

Unless your saying to them, "Hey you, your going out with me." Which if you do I hope you have a medical kit handy at all times.

[Shidoshi]

Well, turn that around and ask girls the same question. Why don't they get the confidence to ask a guy out?

I bet if you posed this question to the women of this forum you'd be hard pressed to find any who would actually WANT to ask guys out. You say you have many female friends, ask them why they don't ask guys out. Women are passive, especially in that respect, that's why MEN have to pursue them.

[ShySoul]

I bet if you posed this question to the women of this forum you'd be hard pressed to find any who would actually WANT to ask guys out. You say you have many female friends, ask them why they don't ask guys out. Women are passive, especially in that respect, that's why MEN have to pursue them.

 

I know I've seen posts from girls who take the initiative and ask the guy out. There are girls who do ask guys out all the time. I know, I was approached by one a couple weeks ago. Not for a date yet, but somene I didn't even know wanted to talk to me and give her number. And if women are passive on this, its only because they have been clubbed over the head with the idea that men have to be the one to ask. As I've said, its the remains from the days of fair damsels in distress and brave knights.

[Shidoshi]

I know I've seen posts from girls who take the initiative and ask the guy out. There are girls who do ask guys out all the time.

Well, they're in the minority because that is not how most women behave. I've been asked out before, but that doesn't happen often at all. I bet most guys here can count on one hand how many times they've been asked out. It just doesn't happen.

As I've said, its the remains from the days of fair damsels in distress and brave knights.

It hasn't really changed either. The reason they don't is because they're terrified of looking "desperate" and/or getting turned down.

[SkyFire]

Well, turn that around and ask girls the same question. Why don't they get the confidence to ask a guy out?

 

Spoken like a true chavenist.

 

But even if the guy does the asking, are they really calling the shots? The girl has to say yes, which means in the end, they call the shots.

 

Unless your saying to them, "Hey you, your going out with me." Which if you do I hope you have a medical kit handy at all times.

 

Because a guy is supposed to go after what he wants. thereforeeee we cant rely on girls to make the moves.

 

It's spelled chauvinist, and you're wrong about me being one.

 

What I ment is, it is up to the guy to make the moves. To make the plans, ect. Alot of women are indecisive, and if you ask them what to do they will say " I dunno". But if you tell them were doing this and that, you get "alright sounds good", at least most of the time. But in a relationship, there isn't anyone who "calls the shots", its about both people.

 

Haha actually... it will work if the girl has interest in you.

[Caldus]

You guys are all making up rules. Society tends to do this. It doesn't matter but I'm going to have to agree with the others when they say that men are typically the go-getters. It's just the way society is. Ideally, we wouldn't make up all of these silly rules but that's the way it is. So might as well go after what you want.

[SkyFire]

You guys are all making up rules. Society tends to do this. It doesn't matter but I'm going to have to agree with the others when they say that men are typically the go-getters. It's just the way society is. Ideally, we wouldn't make up all of these silly rules but that's the way it is. So might as well go after what you want.

 

Dude, no its not.

 

Men are naturally leaders. It's the way it is. Look back in history. Most great leaders/scientists/inventors were MEN. Flame me for saying this if you want, I really dont care. HOWEVER, I am not saying that men are better then women, no. Im saying, men are naturally supposed to lead.

 

1. Women are indecisive. Ask a chick what SHE wants to do. You will most likely get "I dont know". With a girl that's interested in you, take her hands and just start running. You'll see her reaction

 

2. Women are more scared of rejection then guys. Again, flame me if you want, but look at this forum as an example.

 

thereforeeee, it is up to us, the guys, to make the moves. That's the way it is.

[Caldus]

Men are naturally leaders. It's the way it is. Look back in history. Most great leaders/scientists/inventors were MEN. Flame me for saying this if you want, I really dont care. HOWEVER, I am not saying that men are better then women, no. Im saying, men are naturally supposed to lead.

 

And as I said in my last post, society has made this rule, even early society. And I did say afterwards that it is just the way it is and that the guys end up being the go-getters.