How many losses before one breaks?

[Mjane]

I'm just putting up a woe is me note hoping it will make me feel better. Tell me, is the following too much for one person to bear:

1)boyfriend breaks up with me

2) had to leave great job and friends to move back to where I grew up

3) returned home, unemployed and mother goes into hospital for terminal cancer

4) mom is hospitalized for 2 months.

5) I get a job, but 3.5 hour drive away

6) I move to a new city where I know no one ... mom dies 10 days later.

7) start dating a guy I think is really special, but he eventually disappears on me never to be heard from again.

8) 2.5 months into my new job and they threaten to let me go because I'm not a star yet.

9) the threats to fire me continue for 5 months, ended June 10 with me becoming a permanent employee.

10) a man I go on a few dates with and have great chemistry tells me he can't date me.

Now I feel dead inside and am very depressed. Those 10 things all happened in the past 8 months. My sister tells me she doesn't know how I managed to hang on.

Neither do I.

All I know is I feel empty. I have few, if any emotions left, other than a grey cloud of depression that hangs over me. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't enjoy my job, in fact I am very resentful they made my life hell during the one of the most difficult times in my life, dealing with the loss of my mother.

I have had 4 therapy sessions and my therapist taught me EFT -- emotion freedom technique -- which I have yet to use by myself. Anyone done it?

[melrich]

I don't know why it is but I always find that when bad things happen to you they tend to all happen at once. I don't really believe in life being a series of up cycles and down cycles but I do see this pattern over and over again.

 

You have had to cope with a lot. I have had similar times in my life when catastrophe after catstrophe just kept piling up. All I held on to was the fact that at some point it has got to get better. It couldn't be possible that the rest of my life was going to be spent only dealing with bad stuff.

[Jetta]

Yes that is a lot to go through at once and I'm also wondering the very same thing about when is enough enough, because I've been on the fast track to hell myself. Hopefully the previous poster is right and it can't stay bad forever but when your in the midst of hell another minute feels like forever.

[jna35]

I am so sorry for your loss!! You have definitely had more than your share of hardships. My mom always says that once you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere left to go except up!! I hope things turn around for you soon!

[Mjane]

Thanks.

I've dealt with pain before but never in this kind of tidal wave.

How will I know if it's over?

Oh, and the irony of the job thing? Two weeks after I became permanent I got a promotion. I didn't see it as a promotion but everyone I worked with did and made a point of coming up to me to congratulate me!! I was not happy nor excited to get the promotion. I felt nothing.

My therapist says I'm depressed and should go on medication. Am I dumb to think I can beat this without drugs?

[DN]

Try turning negatives into positives:

 

Learn as much as you can at your job, so that you become the star and they realise how wrong they were. Then take your knowledge and expertise to another company that is better to work for and pays more.

 

Go out and find a good man who will make you laugh and feel good about yourself - don't stay at home because you have to look for him - he doesn't know where you live.

 

Remember your mother with love and know that as long as you do so, she still lives - within your memory. When you have children of your own, you can pass on that love to them and she will live on in yet another way.

 

Good luck.

[jna35]

You are far from dumb!! I think sometimes doctors want to bandaid the problem with drugs. You could always look into something alternative like herbs or something. My brother took St. John's Wort, but I would get a consult before trying anything.

 

I don't know when your tidal wave will end, but it will-honest! You should be proud of yourslef for being able to pull yourself through all this thus far!! I send nothing but happiness your way!!

[guyplus2]

You are stronger than you think.

 

I went something very similar and can totally relate - - Lost job on birthday - off work 8 months; Mom dies of Cancer - 4 weeks later; Wife of 7 years has affair, ends in bitter divorce that takes two years to resolve; Lose House, Car and have to liquidate all assests in process; go from being with my kids everyday, to seeing them every other week and finally when I think it is over - dog of twelve years dies in my arms.

 

While it is not easy, try to take it one day at a time - whenever possible try not to dwell on things, get a therapist - if only to talk, and excercise. Excercise can become a much needed distraction and it will make you feel better.

 

Know that god or a higher power or whatever you wish to call it will never give you more than you can handle and is working to bring you something even better

[Mjane]

Thanks for everyone's posts.

Y'all been so nice.

I do exercise -- mountain biked twice this week -- and do running. Actually, I mountain bike so I don't have to think.... that's one of my issues from this disasterous year.. I am obsessive thinking..

I did job search while my employer was threatening to fire me... I even had an interview... and got a call yesterday for another job... this is my mystery... I was able to function at a high level while enduring all that pain .. that now that it seems over (god please) I have collapsed. It's like I was a house of cards that blew over two days after the tornado destroyed the town.

Guyplus, I think you have me beat, but it's all the same. I have no hubby or kids, which is part of what makes me all depressed. I distinctly remember during the funeral both my sisters had their husbands to lean on, and I had no one.

[DN]

Very often people start to fall apart when the pressure eases, it is because you have time to think rather than just react.

 

It is good that you recognise that. Now you can do something about it - knowledge is power. Especially self-knowledge.

[guyplus2]

Mjane - It certainly was not a contest and most defintely not one I would want to win - despite my very competitive nature. I just thought if I shared my experiences, maybe it might help you not feel like these kind of things were only happening to you.

 

That being said, sounds like things are already starting to improve for you and if you do find a way to get past that empty feeling, please share it. I know I certainly could use the help and there are probably others that could too.

[Shadows Light]

MJane... you'll be fine. Yes, it does make sense that you functioned at a higher level when the HURRICAINE of LIFE hit you. You were working on addrenulin.... almost makes you an addrenulin junkie. Becuase now things have slowed down...you feel like a deflated balloon. Where's that spark to keep you going?

 

Yes. Its normal and you are ok.

 

You are strong strong woman. LOL. And those men that walked on you... pssshhhaawww... they couldn't weather it. And do you really want a man in your life that can't weather a storm? or runs and hides when one comes up?? he** no. You want a man in your life that will stand by your side and face the tide with you. Holding your hand, looking you in the eye...laughing and say..bring it on...we can do this. LOL.

 

The rough times. Yes, they come in like a storm. Thats when you gotta be like that mighty oak tree... drop roots and just hang in there. Which you did.... YOU DID IT... pat yourself on the back... You have learned so much and grown so much from this experience.

 

Doesn't seem like it yet. But don't sweat it. You'll be ok.

 

Now....what are we doing for fun???? Make yourself an appointment at your nearest spa/salon...and treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure.... or whatever you can afford. Go and buy yourself a new outfit... and call one of your GF's up... and go dancing. Throw yourself a party...because you deserve it.

[Mjane]

Thanks again for your support.

I think my therapist told me that I have been separating myself from my feelings and suppressing them. And now that I feel nothing, I need to get back in touch with my feelings... I think that's where the EFT comes in.

This guy (bf of a new friend of mine) told me that I spend so much of my energy packaging, compartmentalizing my feelings into a tight, manageable spot, that I have nothing left. He went through something similar when his mom was dying. So, intellectually I know what's going on, but how to break down those barriers and change my suppression habits is another matter all together.

I guess in the old days I would feel the feelings, deal with it and then move on.

The reason my therapist introduced EFT to me is because I demanded he do something after I had a panic/anxiety attack when i felt a very mild feeling of rejection. It's like my fragile ego can't cope feeling anything negative anymore.

It's all very confusing because I've never gone through anything like this before. My feelings of hopelessness are somewhat overwhelming. Has anyone else gone through this? I've spent the past 8 months coping and now I feel like I have nothing in my life worth anything. I know that's the depression talking, but it's also a pretty rational assessment. Other than my family, I really don't have anything.