She wants to be my friend

[frozenblaze]

Greetings everyone, i already told my story once and i'm not going to repeat it. To make it short, let's say i've gone out with a girl who was my friend (it was HER idea) and then it came up that it would'nt work without an effort between us two. She decided that compromises should not exist in a perfect relationship so she ended up the whole thing. 10 months have passed, i met some girls who were interested in me but then i was'nt interested in them at all... still had her on my mind. We had a NC (no contact) for a good 2 months now and on saturday (i'm writing this on a monday) she came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. As i still have feelings for her i decided to take a walk with her to see what she would say. But then she had nothing to say, i almost did all the talking and ended up making her angry by saying that i did not got over it and that i would'nt want to stay friend with her for it would hurt me too much. Then she told me that everything could come back as sincere and good as it was when we were friends (seriously i dont believe it at all, well on my part, i dont want a consolation prize that looks like friendship) with an effort. I consider that the effort she asks me is like self-obliteration and i do not want to have a friendship she did not even care about for she did not had the respect to keep her feelings to herself, breaking the whole relationship (that is the friendship we had) and trust in the process. Now I do love her and miss her a lot but i dont think i will be able to bear such a frail and hypocrit friendship trying not to have any feelings about her... But then if it's the only way i can be close to her and win her back should i do it ? Seriously i have no idea... my first thought is not being her friend for then she will realize what i mean for her... seriously when someone tells you that they have mixed a strong friendship for love it hurts bad... I find this quite immature and do not want that half-relationship she is willing to give... Any thoughts about it are welcomed...

[DN]

If you cannot revert back into a simple friendship because it would hurt too much - then don't. She can't expect to have control over the relationship, dictate whether it is as friends or lovers, jump back and forth from one to the other and expect you to go along for the ride regardless of how you feel.

 

Do what is best for you.

[darkblue]

I agree 100% with DN here.

 

You have to look out for yourself and do what's best for you. Not only what will make someone else happy.

[jna35]

I agree with DN also. Follow your gut and do what makes YOU feel comfortable. You can't live your life for someone else. Good luck and I hope the pain eases for you soon!

[jaguar.gr3]

I was friends with a girl for a couple of years, and after her longterm boyfriend dumped her i started having feelings for her. I let her know how i felt and after a while We started seeing each other. In the beginning she made me promise that whatever happened between us in the future, we would always be friends. After a month she lost interest a few bad things happened and she split up with me. She went off with other guys, and i havent been in a serious relationship since. I was angry to begin with, but now we never see each other and i havent spoken to her in months. I, like you, dont think i could bear to be 'just frends' with her after all that. I still think about her quite a bit though, and i dont think i'll ever get over it as to this day i dont know why she spilt up with me.

[frozenblaze]

Thanks for sharing your story jaguar, I think i can understand how you feel : the thing is I dont get over someone I love. Yeah the feelings dims and then suddenly you love someone else but then a friend, and most of the people you spend quality time with, has a special place in your heart. Even if the worst thing happens like breaking up or being cheated on, that does not erase the memories and that means someone can keep that place in your heart as long as you are true to yourself. I think that ignoring the person and trying to deny it's impact on you is also a self-denial act. I do miss her a lot but then there is really nothing I can do. And with all those replies let's say that I'll choose not to try to get that good ol'friendship back for it is the best decision. If she had respect for me she would'nt play a game of mixed feelings... Well anyway your comments are still welcome in this post... Though i'd like to get her back I dont think the friendship will get me toward this goal...