LoveOneAnother Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 How would this make you feel. You are in a relationship with a person that you love so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. When talking about possiable marriage, they say... "It is doubtful, but very hopeful that it will happen." "They dont expect it to happen, but wont rule it out either" That "they hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel" It makes me feel like I have a dark cloud hanging over my head. When you love somebody, shouldnt you have a stronger, attitude about it? To me it is very grim. Link to comment
Diabra Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 How long have you been dating this person? The kind of love that leads to a happy marriage can take some time to grow. Give it time. Link to comment
mieshagirl Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Sounds like the he doesn't take the relationship as seriously as you do. Or maybe he's just scared of the whole commitment thing. Marriage scares people. Take your time. But make sure you're happy. If he continues talking this way maybe it's time to get out of the relationship and find someone else who will make you happy. That's what I would do anyway. Hope this advice is somewhat useful. Link to comment
DN Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I assume this is the guy that you just broke up with to make him change his ways? And the one you posted about who drinks and uses drugs? Are you sure you are wise to want to be with this guy? Link to comment
misery12 Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I agree - How old are you both? How long have you dated? Maybe he's just not ready, and you have to respect that. Give him time, and try not to bring it up again, just be normal, and if he loves you, he'll make the right move in the end. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I assume this is the guy that you just broke up with to make him change his ways? And the one you posted about who drinks and uses drugs? Are you sure you are wise to want to be with this guy? This is the guy who cheated on you and is a drug addict alcoholic, right? I saw on your earlier thread. "Will This Work?" that you broke up with him in order to show him how much he hurt you. Hon, you should break up with him because he is toxic for you. Why would you even want him back? He has treated you like garbage..... be glad he's out of your life for good. You have two kids and a baby on the way... you should NOT be thinking about marrying a man who only cares about sleeping around with your best friend and getting high and drunk. Did you kick him out of the house? Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 My personal feelings are that you have played one too many head games with this guy, and now he's not so sure about you. I don't blame him. You sound like you have acted in a very immature manner with him. You've backed him into a corner, not once but twice, trying to get him to do or say something that you want to hear. Not cool. For some reason, you want there to be a problem in this relationship. Why is that? Salt Link to comment
DN Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 My personal feelings are that you have played one too many head games with this guy, and now he's not so sure about you. I don't blame him. You sound like you have acted in a very immature manner with him. You've backed him into a corner, not once but twice, trying to get him to do or say something that you want to hear. Not cool. For some reason, you want there to be a problem in this relationship. Why is that? Salt salt, based on this post and the other today, I can understand why you say this. But check out some of her previous posts and you may have a different take. Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Yeah, I missed the whole drug addict/sleep with friend part of this story somehow. Thanks for the nudge! In this case, I'll give my usual advice: Kick to the curb and move on. Salt Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 I heard almost the same words once! Seriously. From an ex...and guess what, they never came back! I think it is a way to "not hurt you" and to also keep options open...but basically it is saying "you are not the one". Saying "they won't rule it out" is VERY different from saying "I most definitely want to share my life with you". Of course it worked out okay for me in the end as I moved on and found someone who absolutely does want to be with me forever, and I feel the same way. Link to comment
LoveOneAnother Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 Diabra, 2 years and 3 months... miashagirl, thanks for your thoughts DN, you assumed correctly. No, I do not feel that I am wise to want to be with him. I am not with him at this time. I just wanted opinions on his words. Its going to take some time for me to get over him. I may question a lot of things, but I do still feel that I am moving in the right direction. Misery, I am 26, he is 31. I only ever asked him about marriage one time in the two years we have been together. I would never pressure anybody about marriage. Hope75, He will be out within two months. Anyways, if he asked me to marry me, I would not do it. I was already married once before and I am not ready to go down that road again. Especially now. Im just going through a lot right now and Im looking back on everything that went on in our relationship and pretty much making myself miserable. Hopefully this phase will pass, and soon! Til then I will try not to whine too much. I appriciate all o your thoughts on this. Thanks for being strong for me because I feel so weak and pathetic lately. After I have my baby, my hormones should be back in check. Salt, Thats the plan. I am trying to move on. Yet, I keep looking back. RayKay, Awe, a happy ending! Now that is what I like to hear. Good for you! =) You nailed my thoughts pretty much. If a person loves you, they will be optomistic and work to make it last, if that is what they truly want. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Hi Love, WE are here for you, definitely come back and "whine" when you need to vent. That's why we are here. No one expects you to be perfect. It takes time to get over someone, but be strong, you are doing the right thing for yourself and your children. Hang in there. ((HUGS)) Remember, he won't clean up his act until and unless he's ready to do that for himself... and you can't be expected to wait around with 3 kids while he has his fun.... including cheating on you. You can and will do better. Thank God you have your family's support behind you. Link to comment
LoveOneAnother Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 Hope, It is very nice to able to vent. I have my parents support, but try not to bother them too much. Nobody really wants to make their parents worry about them. I am also seeing a therapist. I realized a few months ago that it is not healthy for me mentally to be so attached to another person. I need to learn to love myself. That sounds so easy to do, but it is something that I have always struggled with. I suppose I am looking at him to fulfil that need within myself. Without his love, I feel as though I lost it all. Hugs to you too, =) Link to comment
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