gradle Posted August 6, 2005 Author Share Posted August 6, 2005 ugh, you're so right, it's just so hard, but i am getting better at it! but i know that's what he's doing. he always since day one complained about pancakes....and i know he's trying to get to me....the stupidhead... Link to comment
gradle Posted August 6, 2005 Author Share Posted August 6, 2005 as far as C, he's great, we hung otu on thurs and all friday, but then he went out of town....he's such a sweetheart and i have so much fun with him.i'm a little sad that i'm leaving b/c of that...but that's ok... the other day he said he'd so much rather just have fun with a girl like me, then just have sex with some stupid girl... that made me feel so good the weather here has gotten really a ton better...and that cheers me up soo much. and j is going to be in vegas soon with his friends, and that will feel better as well, to be out fo the same city. i move wihtin a week to 2 weeks....i think j moves next sunday.... i'm excited, but just a little sad... Link to comment
DN Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Good luck with the move- as I said the other day: fresh city, fresh start. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 hehehe.... I know what my best friend would say to you. She'd slap you and be, "Hell no!!! You are NOT going to ask him about the *beeping* pancakes! What's the matter with you? Don't waste your time on that *beep*!" Seriously. He's a *beep*. That whole.... "Oh... maybe, one day, we can be together again" is a bunch of *beep*. Really. I mean, that's like if I said, "Oh yeah... I guess it's possible that when I go to the airport next week, I'll be seated next to someone, and it will turn out to be a guy I went to high school with, and then we'll talk in the airplane, and we'll start dating and fall in love." Sure, it's possible, but... don't hold your breath. He just wants a backup plan, and he likes to know that you're "around." Don't give him that satisfaction. Stop checking his away messages. In fact, stop thinking about him. Honestly, the more you tell us about J, the more he is starting to sound like a creep. You're too good to be wasting your time wondering about his breakfast foods. Let him have his *beeping* pancakes. You're too busy. Link to comment
gradle Posted August 7, 2005 Author Share Posted August 7, 2005 hahaha ok annie, i'm gonna do my best to forget about that *beep*... you're awesome! i just got back from the dinner party that the *beep wasn't invited to, and it was a little awkward b/c several people didn't know that we weren't together....but i think i did ok. it was fun, good food.... no *beep* and just other conversation. i have the feeling he has been staying away from them...i don't particularly care, they just love me that much more...it was a little hard b/c i one of the girls was from san fran and we were talking about how amazing it is...and i'm jeal;ous that the *beep* will be there and i won't....but that's ok....but i'm a little pooped from thestress of seeing them. i was really nervous... but it's over, and i probably won't see many of them ever again... it was an alright night though.... chin up... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Hey Girl, Sounds like you handled yourself very well at the party. Obviously his friends care about you and I think it's quite nice that they picked you over him so that you could say your goodbyes and not feel stressed out. It's always tough having to explain again and again to people who don't know that you've broken up, but I am sure that you handled it with class and dignity. Don't be too jealous over San Fran, it's a beautiful place, but so is DC, and DC is loaded with history! You are a very lucky girl to be going there too. I have a feeling things are going to be looking up in a big way for you once you start your new life. Hang in there girl!! Link to comment
gradle Posted August 8, 2005 Author Share Posted August 8, 2005 thanks hope, yeah, it was awkward at first, like people kept asking if j and i were moving in together in dc, i just told them j was headed to cali... after a while some of the girls asked why, and i told him j said he needed some space, but that i was pretty angry and upset about it. then it got kind of funny, b/c one of hte girls' b/f did the same to her many years ago.... so she and i talked for a bit about it... it was nice.l.. i am really excited to move to dc, but i hate to admit it, i LOVE san fran, i mean the weather is awesome and it's the west coast, completely different atmosphere... on another note, it's so different to adjust to beign single...i was so used to my b/fs calling me up everyday and making plans. it's been 3 days since i heard from C, adn i know he's been on vacay with his fam, but still, its' weird, i don't like it. he comes back tonight and even now i wonder if he's going to call me. i texted him on sat and told him to have a good night and have fun with the family....and no response. so i'm confused. i know i'm not supposed to like this guy, but i do, i can't help it... pooey. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 on another note, it's so different to adjust to beign single...i was so used to my b/fs calling me up everyday and making plans. it's been 3 days since i heard from C, adn i know he's been on vacay with his fam, but still, its' weird, i don't like it. he comes back tonight and even now i wonder if he's going to call me. i texted him on sat and told him to have a good night and have fun with the family....and no response. so i'm confused. i know i'm not supposed to like this guy, but i do, i can't help it... pooey. Try to remember that C is not your bf. You guys are just friends and you have been messing around for fun. Besides, you are leaving in a week, what happens then? Gradle you know that a big problem for you has been losing your identity in a guy, which is why it's so important for you to spend some time on your own and just get comfortable with it. I promise you, it's not that bad. You get to focus on yourself for awhile and do the things that you love to do. This will really be good for you. You are going to love DC. And don't forget your friends are waiting for you! Try to take some time just for you. You can do this. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 ahh... don't be too upset. I lived in SF for 6 years, it was ok, but I wasn't in love with it. I preferred SoCal. Yeah, like Hope said, C is just a fling. Can't think of him as more, as you'll be leaving. I know.... you get used to being called, and always having plans for friday and saturday night... it sucks, being single, but hey... you have all your friends to look forward too! There are a lot of great things about being single. Enjoy it while you can - I bet some other guy in DC will snap you up quickly Link to comment
gradle Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 ugh, guys, i'm sorry, i'm soo sorry.. i just went nuts this morning. and i know i disappointed all of you. i looked on friendster and i saw that J had this new friend...this cute little asian girl...and i went crazy. don't get me wrong, i have nothing against asians, i lived wiht 4 of them through college and i thought they were awesome and one of the girls is one of my closest friends, its just that when J dumped me he started hanging out with all of these asians, and it made me think he dumped me b/c he had an asian fetish....stupid me. anyways i was so upset, and i went over there and i was crying and he was just like shocked and upset at me adn it was drama and i'm so mad at myself. i felt like i had the ball in my court and i just let him have it back. i had felt good about myself and now i don't. i guess the girl just approached him in the bar adn asked him for his number and then she asked him out for ice cream. not a big deal. but i just kept thinking he was with her all night. he just kept saying, what's the big deal, you are dating someone already, you are spending the night at his house.. i'm so stupid. and he was so mad at me he said he'd give me a call this weekend...but i doubt it. he's leaving for vegas with his friends either tomorrow or thurs. and i don't think he'll be back till monday. and i'm sure he'll just tell them all that i'm crazy. which really sucks b/c they were all so close to me before ugh, i'm crazy. i had to beg him to come outside after i had left so i could apologize and give him a big hug. please don't hate me. i know i was doing well and i messed up badly. i had tried to call him instead of go over there but his phone was off, i guess the battery had died. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Oh Gradle! ((BIG HUG)) I'm so sorry you had such a tough night. This has been very hard on you I know. Being in such close proximity to J is a bad thing for you, since you have so much trouble controlling yourself. The good news is you will be leaving soon and won't be able to do that anymore, even if you wanted to. Try to forgive yourself for your slip up, OK? You are human, you already know you shouldn't have done that, it's done, the only thing you can do now is try to move past it. J has a point you know. You are seeing someone, he has the right to do the same. You guys are broken up now. You can't spend your time monitoring his actions and then continueing to punish him for breaking up with you. It's not healthy and it's not good for you. You are more concerned with his life then your own it seems right now. Don't you want to take care of yourself so you can feel better? Honey, remember how mad at him you were a couple of weeks ago? How critical he was of you and suddenly you were seeing him in "real time", for who he really was, and it wasn't all that great? He's not the only guy in the world, and not the right guy for you is this is what he's doing. Maybe it's time to take the high road and forget about him. All keeping tabs on him is doing for you is to prevent you from moving on, and making you hurt all over again like it was the first day. You don't want to feel this way forever, do you? Don't let J string you along anymore. You are not his little puppet to be kept on retainer while he figures out what he wants and dates other people. You are much better than that. Hang in there girl. In a few weeks you will be hundreds of miles from him and the distance will make things easier for you. PM me if you need to talk and I'll give you my AOL IM. Hope Link to comment
DN Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Don't worry too much - and don't hate yourself. Stuff happens like that when we are upset and you are only human. He will know why you did it and if he is a decent person he will not make too much of it. Consider it a set-back but not too bad of one. Go back to where you were before and do the best you can - that is all anyone can expect - especially yourself. Link to comment
Bounder Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Gradle, I have been following your post and it had both inspired me about the opposite sex during my time of bitterness and made me realize hwo fraigil and strong people can be at the same time. Its tough to let something go, even if it isnt right for us, because we invested so much in it. I feel that too. You make mistakes sometimes, but thats because you feel deeply. Maybe its a fault for some people, I dont think it is at all. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my friends love me for it because I am loyal, caring and compassionate. HOWEVER, Hope is right, worry about yourself, it is not selfish to do so in a situation like this. If owrrying about yourself means being there for your firends, do it. If it means hanging out with C, do it. But do it for you, and not because it gives you a sense of importance. It is important to be liked by other people, but it is more important to respect yourself andf know who you are....the rest follows. Hang in there! Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Hey Gradle.... I'm in NO way disappointed in you. In fact I see you as more human than ever. I hope you have a better day today Hang in there. I will also give you my AOL IM if you would like to talk sometime. You me and Hope can chat..lol. How's that? Link to comment
gradle Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 thank you all... i'm sorry i'm so emotional right now i'm just a mess and i want to be cleaned up so C doesn't know the extent of it. you're right. i don't think it's bad that i wear my heart on my sleeve. i want someone who will love me for that. but i also so desperately want to be strong. but i also so desperately want j. it's so hard, not to be able to atalk to him, and knwo how he's doing and tell him how i'm doing. i tell him this and he always just tells me that i'm gonna be ok...i just want him to give me a hug and tell me that we're both going through a rough time right now, and just have him be supportive. Link to comment
Bounder Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 God, I would love a hug from my ex too, to see that she too is having a hard time sometimes. But it was her choice, even if she is having a toughtime (she told me it isnt as great as I think), i dont think it would help Link to comment
gradle Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 yeah, j says he's had a tough time. that no one calls him, etc. etc. honestly, as mean as it may be. it kind of makes me feel good Link to comment
Bounder Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 My ex ws very good at looking busy, being a social butterfly, but part of me knows it was a cover for her insecurities, do everything and that way your failures dont seem as big. Is it wrong for us to take satisfaction that them leaving us wont necessaril answer their problems? Link to comment
gradle Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 no, i don't think so, if it makes us feel better then no, we're not in any way causing them to be this way, they're doing it to themselves. i don't know. i know j goes out with the asian crowd, and it really hurts my feelings a lot....he even said he'd probably never see this girl again. but it hurts my feelings and i can't help it, even though technically it shouldn't. i just love him so much that i get stupid when i talk to him. and i really do believe him when he says he's been working his butt off to get his thesis done,and my stopping by this morning was a little cruel, considering his presentation is due tomorrow.... but i don't feel that bad that he doesn't tget that many phone calls, he gets what he wants i assume, even if it hurts my feelings Link to comment
Bounder Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 He's a grad student eh? Well trust me, he likely has many moments of solitude, which can mess a person up. I hate my thesis right now, and I hate that I have so much time to fill up without her Link to comment
gradle Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 hahah, yeah, he's finishing it up, just a year long program. but god, i love him and i dont knwo why anymore. sometimes i feel bad for him, for him being lonely,etc. but when i think of the alternatives, as mean as it is, i'd rather him be lonely right now than be with some other girl....yes, selfish of me, i know.. Link to comment
Bounder Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Me too! But she has work, friends and admit it, once a girl is open to guys, it is much easier for them to rebound....at least on a physical level. Link to comment
gradle Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 yes, it is much easier but, we tend to not be happy until we can find true love, or sometihing that feels like it. i mean, look at me, im dating 2 guys, being a little intimate with one, and i'm still a wreck over my ex, b/c i know that we were truly in love, maybe he's not anymroe, but i am having a hard time getting ofver it Link to comment
Bounder Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Thats true, I guess we just have to keep going huh? Sorry if I have filled your post too much Link to comment
gradle Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 it's ok, i do'nt mind. i feel like we never really meet the next person until we're over our ex, or at least when we're least expecting it, you know? Link to comment
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