Going Dutch, I'm appalled! I'm just old fashioned I guess

[asdf]

it means he only likes you half as much.

[wastedtime]

Funny thing happened today....We had a date, he called asked me what I wanted to do...asked me if I was hungry, etc. I said "no". When in reality I was. What I did was I ate before the date. So we meet he asked again if I was hungry, what did I want to eat...."Nothing" I said...then he asked if I'd seen a particular movie "Yes" I said. Then he says "you're a cheap date". So, I'm thinking maybe he was really playing around when he asked for the $4. And maybe he spaced out with the drink (not asking me if I wanted one).

 

 

[annie24]

Just go out and have fun, and don't worry about him spending $12 on you! You are worth it! Don't forget it!

[Mun]

He could have been playing around... but did he take the $4 when you offered them up?

[wastedtime]

Just go out and have fun, and don't worry about him spending $12 on you! You are worth it! Don't forget it!

 

 

Okay, thank you!!!

 

 

 

He could have been playing around... but did he take the $4 when you offered them up?

 

 

Actually, I really thought he was joking around when he asked for it and I responded with a joke and that was it.

[Mun]

when he asked for it and I responded with a joke and that was it.

 

That's how I would have responded too...good for you!

[wastedtime]

when he asked for it and I responded with a joke and that was it.

 

That's how I would have responded too...good for you!

[McPhil]

While I can agree on the fact that guys aren't made of money, if I was to go out with someone (ha, I wish) I'd pay for it even though I only get five bucks a week from my parents. But $4 is really not much and he should be able to pay for that

[wastedtime]

I went on another date with him today....yeah, turns out he was really joking when he asked for the $4 the other day. Haha...

[asdf]

meh, somebody should really set out universal rules for this whole men-women-equality thing

[wastedtime]

If Iwas a guy I'd cough up the dough. Period. To each it's own. There's no wrong or right here. Just what feels right.

[jna35]

That would bug me too. I think it was rude. I always thought it was whoever did the inviting did the paying. I'm a bit old fashioned too. I have no problem paying for an occasional date though.

[asdf]

if a girl wants me to pay for every date i'd have no problem, but she'd better be ready to do the cooking/cleaning/laundry if we ever move in together.

[darkblue]

I don't think you will find many girls nowadays that expect to be paid for.

 

As for the laundry etc, asdf. You're gona have hell trying to find a girl that will do that.

[DN]

That would bug me too. I think it was rude. I always thought it was whoever did the inviting did the paying. I'm a bit old fashioned too. I have no problem paying for an occasional date though.

 

Would you have a problem paying for every other date to be more equitable?

 

And too often, women who say' the one who did the inviting did the paying' never or rarely do any inviting.

 

Being old fashioned should not be used as an excuse for taking advantage of people - should it?

[lady00]

I think it's reasonable for the woman to pay for every other date. I always offer to pay and sometimes I do, sometimes I don't but I try to make sure I end up paying about half the time with whoever I happen to be dating. Now, I don't keep a tally of when I pay or anything but I do try to make sure the guy knows that I don't always expect him to pay and sometimes if I go out with someone, I will pay for dinner and they will pay for coffee and desert or something like that.

[RayKay]

That would bug me too. I think it was rude. I always thought it was whoever did the inviting did the paying. I'm a bit old fashioned too. I have no problem paying for an occasional date though.

 

Would you have a problem paying for every other date to be more equitable?

 

And too often, women who say' the one who did the inviting did the paying' never or rarely do any inviting.

 

Being old fashioned should not be used as an excuse for taking advantage of people - should it?

 

Personally I have no problem paying for every other date, no matter whom invited who. Heck, my first date with my boyfriend I ended up paying half of it as we had SUCH a great time we spent way more than we had planned..lol. And I still went out with him again

 

It is a bit different as I live my partner so we split expenses in a lot of other ways as well and so it's really both our expense sometimes, but I will often pay for movie, he for food, or vice versa, or I will pick up the cheque. I think I won't be able to pick up as often when I go back to school, but he is aware of that

[DN]

The thing is, RayKay, you are now in a relationship, a partnership in the best sense. Since we were married my wife and I have always pooled our income so that it does not become my money or her money but our money. There have been times when one or the other has brought in more, or has needed support when unemployed or while taking courses, etc. but we don't worry about that because we are partners and no one is taking advantage.

 

But the idea that, when dating, the guy should pay is old-fashioned and comes from a time when there were good reasons for it. Those reasons no longer exist, and I think women do themselves no favours by cherry-picking old-fashioned behaviours as it suits their pockets. It can cause resentment and can be used to justify sexist behaviour and expectations in other areas of the relationship.

 

And it is taking advantage if one person pays more or at least substantially more than the other on an ongoing basis. Most women would not do that to a female friend, so why should it be different because she is dating a man.

[asdf]

I don't think you will find many girls nowadays that expect to be paid for.

 

As for the laundry etc, asdf. You're gona have hell trying to find a girl that will do that.

 

Well if there aren't many girls nowadays that don't expect to be paid for, I won't have a problem.

[darkblue]

So long as you realize that you'll have to do your own laundry.

[wastedtime]

I used to live with someone and for 6yrs I would go grocery shopping alone, cook and clean and at times do the laundry. And yeah from time to time I would pick up the tab, as we hardly would eat out cause I was always making amazing meals.

 

So there are women that will do it all. I think though that I will not be as giving in my next relationship, only if he gives as much will I repeat this way of being.

[Mun]

"When a woman acts as though she's capable of everything, she gets stuck doing everything.

...For this reason becareful how you set the tone in the beginning. Never start what you don't want to continue. If you don't want to cook every night, don't start out cooking every night. If you don't want to go to the grocery store all the time, don't set the pattern of doing it all the time. ...Later, when everything is done for him, he'll be too set in his ways to change... " from Sheri Argov's link removed You might find this book interesting.

 

I'm like you wastedtime. I love to cook and I love to cook for my man. It sucks to have to stop yourself from doing things you really enjoy because you don't want it to get taken for granted. But it's smart to wait until he has established a pattern of doing nice things for you too before you bust out the pots and pans...and then he will probably help with the dishes

[RayKay]

 

I'm like you wastedtime. I love to cook and I love to cook for my man. It sucks to have to stop yourself from doing things you really enjoy because you don't want it to get taken for granted. But it's smart to wait until he has established a pattern of doing nice things for you too before you bust out the pots and pans...and then he will probably help with the dishes [/color]

 

I too am like this, I like "taking care" of him (in no way does that insinuate he can't take care of himself!) but I do like to cook for him, and make sure he is eating well, and putting sunblock on, and calling his parents..lol. I don't nag him at all, don't worry...and he appreciates I care enough to make sure he puts sunblock on so he does not burn badly twice every year

 

However...our arrangement is I cook...but he does the dishes! Works out well for us both So he takes very good care of me as well...I will come home sometimes and he will have done the laundry that he knew I would need to wear that night, or get my bike ready to go riding..little things that all make ME feel special and cared for too.

[wastedtime]

Yep, that's what I'm doing, waiting to see. when he shows me his goodies I'll show him mine

 

 

 

 

I too am like this, I like "taking care" of him (in no way does that insinuate he can't take care of himself!) but I do like to cook for him, and make sure he is eating well, and putting sunblock on, and calling his parents..lol. I don't nag him at all, don't worry...and he appreciates I care enough to make sure he puts sunblock on so he does not burn badly twice every year

 

However...our arrangement is I cook...but he does the dishes! Works out well for us both So he takes very good care of me as well...I will come home sometimes and he will have done the laundry that he knew I would need to wear that night, or get my bike ready to go riding..little things that all make ME feel special and cared for too.

 

 

NICE!

[DN]

Yep, that's what I'm doing, waiting to see. when he shows me his goodies I'll show him mine

 

Not quite sure I understand this. It sounds as if you are saying that if he demonstrates that he is willing to spend money on you, only then will you do things for him. Or have I misunderstood?