Things I've noticed out about me, that I dont understand

[Sadness_Creeping]

I've been doing a lot of self refection lately and I cant really understand why I seem to get so emotionally attached to every girl that I start to get involved with. It seems other people can be with someone and not get so emotionally involved, but yet I cant seem to do this. I tell my self not to move so quickly and get so attached, but it happens every time. When its all said and done, every time I look back and cant understand why I acted the way I did, and said things that make me seem like a weirdo.

Another thing I cant seem to understand is I keep making friends, and then they end up stop talking to me..I cant really seem to keep any of them in my life anymore. It must be something about me that pushes people away, because I seems i keep going though these months with out having any friends to call just to talk or even just to go out for coffee. I call people that used to want to hang out with me, and they just ignore my calls..or make up some reason. I also notice that there is a lot of drama always floating around me..all my relationships in the last half year have ended in a crap lot of this BS drama.

Basically I'm wondering if anyone here been though these things that I'm dealing with? Anyone have any advice on how I keep friends around? Is there something wrong with me?

Any thoughts or suggested would be much appreciated

[thePuma]

I can relate. With me, there was something wrong. My education. I was raised alone, away from interaction, affection and other good social things.

 

What I had to do was to literally practice relationships, learn about personal freedom, balancing autonomy and interaction and trying to feel generally less anxious.

 

Acting more natural and secure helps to keep friends interested. But more important than that: not expecting anything from our friends is even better. The moment we start expecting things, we run the risk of expecting the wrong things.

[loveydovey]

Just make friendships with people that are drama free and who don't seem to have lots of negativity surrounding them.

 

Another thing is that perhaps you need to date girls...talk to them....go out with them. But DONT focus on just one girl....not just yet.

 

I say don't get too dependent on ANYONE too early...friends, lovers, whatever. And the best way to do that is to spread out your attention, then slowly but surely, begin to narrow it down to only those special people.

 

As far as friendships go....you can be friendly with everyone but you can't be friends with everyone. Remember that. So don't get discouraged from forming new friendships, and don't allow a few bad seeds to make you question yourself as a person.

[Timbits]

I felt and still feel the same way when it comes to relationships and making friends. The reason I get very attached, very fast to girls is because I'm not the type of guy that gets many chances. So when an opportunity fast-approaches, it's a rare event and I automatically focus on and over-analyze the circumstance I am suddenly put in. But this is unhealthy, the only way to get beyond these feelings is to apply the advice that everyone else has provided above. May I suggest reading a book called "The Magic of Thinking BIG" by David Schwartz. Go to the library or to a bookstore and read the first few pages, see if it clicks with you as it did with me. But as I said, it only works when you read AND apply the advice. Look for the book, it should give you a good start and inspire confidence in yourself to make your life more enjoyable.

[Miss M]

Another thing I cant seem to understand is I keep making friends, and then they end up stop talking to me..I cant really seem to keep any of them in my life anymore. It must be something about me that pushes people away, because I seems i keep going though these months with out having any friends to call just to talk or even just to go out for coffee. I call people that used to want to hang out with me, and they just ignore my calls..or make up some reason.

In social situations we are always giving and reading clues, giving and receiving feedback. A lot of unspoken communication goes on... body language, facial expressions, mannerisms. When we aren't so good at reading the situation and making the necessary adjustments, we overstep social boundaries that we shouldn't cross and alienate people. People can even give you feedback about how they are reading you, maybe that they don't like something you're doing, would like you to refrain. Sometimes the feedback is subtle. Sometimes it's bold and glaring, but still easy to miss if you aren't good at reading the clues. Some psychologists have called it "social IQ." If you're not good at reading the clues, if that continues for a while, people will eventually give up and just withdraw. The reasons for the "missed communications" could be many, and complicated. There's no way to know what all of those could be from just reading your post. You already seem to have a couple of ideas of what it is with your mention of being ignored and the excessive drama. It will probably take a lot of effort and study on your part to figure it all out. It might take a big commitment from you, to yourself, to solve this one. And it might be a good idea to get to get some counseling to help you sort this out. If you're sincere about changing, you probably need to develop some social skills, get some helpful and productive feedback, and you can't get that if everybody is pulling away.

 

Good luck.