down and out

[ruby05]

i do not love or even like my boyfriend of 17 years anymore.

i do not want him to talk to me, look at me, touch me or anything.

everything he does gets on my last nerve and it is making me miserable.

 

he goes from one extreme to the other. one minute he's pulling the old "pull my finger" and "smell this" crap that i think is childish and disgusting. and then the next he's yelling at me and our kids like a baby hitler.

 

i want to break up, my two girls aged 12 & 14 say they hate him and want me to leave him.

 

i found someone else a year and a half ago by accident. he seems perfect to me. he's all i can think about. i think i am on the verge of obsession.i can see my life being so much different with him. he's much more my type.

he keeps asking me to leave and be with him. says he can make me happy if i will let him. he's so handsome and thoughtful.

 

there's got to be something wrong with me why i can't just say, "guess what. i don't like you and i'm leaving."

i

[densil]

I say go for it. After such a long time being with him I can't even imagine what its like to be contemplating leaving. I mean the unknown of what happens if you do leave must be quite a scary prospect. But if you feel like that there is no point staying with this guy you have to leave. You only get one life, and imagine how you are going to feel in ten years time if you are with the same guy! If you have the blessing of your kids, I say go for it, very much doubt that you would regret it.

 

Densil

[ruby05]

your reply brought tears to my eyes. finally, someone understands where i'm coming from. my friends and family say, "just leave." but you pin-pointed what i couldn't. it's scary.

 

thank you. i was afraid i would be condemned for finding someone else while still in the relationship. i didn't go out searching for him, it just happened like love at first sight on both ends.

[Blurr]

I agree with densil...you have to do what is best for you and your kids. No one can live a fufilling life when they are constantly miserable and unhappy.

 

I imagine it will be quite scary since it has been so long to be single (or even dating) but think about how much better you will feel once you have him out of your life. I'm sure it will be a big relief and hopefully this new guy will be able to give you the love and support you've needed for a long time.

 

Have your kids met this new guy? If they have, what do they think about him?

[ruby05]

no, my kids haven't met him. but i know he would be great with them, because he is the most devoted dad ever to his own. he has also told me that the only problem i would ever have with him is that he would have my kids spoiled rotten! i thought that was sweet.

 

i have been with my current since age 15. i have never been on my own or single.

[starion]

leave him if you must, but i would try to be single for some time.

the other guy won't go anywhere.

but, you know to be with someone since 15 for 17 years !!!!!! is hardly a coincidence.

sometimes you never know what you have.

i am not trying to convince you to stay, don't get me wrong, but the grass is always greener on the other side

[ruby05]

i have stayed with him that long because he kept me depressed and would never let me out of the house alone. plus i had three small children and no money or resources. i could never have a job or a car or anything. i finally woke up and got myself a job and a car and have become much more of a real human, but i still can barely go to the grocery store alone or he is accusing me of being with some guy. this has been going on for atleast 10 years. i was totally innocent, no other man involved until this one showed up and made me think about how it really could be.

 

people always tell me to watch out cause of the grass being "greener on the other side."

the grass would HAVE to be greener on the other side, because in my case, the grass is dead and brown and has been for years.

[Blurr]

I think to be single after being with someone for so long would be harder than starting to see someone else.

 

My advice is to just take things slow with the new guy...I know things seem to be so much better with him, but it's so easy to stumble into another abusive (not physically, but mental) relationship...especially after the length of time spent with your current b/f.

 

definitely introduce him to your kids though and see how they like him. Of my female friends who have kids, everyone of them has told me that their kids come first...so make sure they are cool with him and then make your first step to leaving your b/f.

 

BTW, is he the father of both?

[ruby05]

he is the father of all three kids.

 

2 girls 12 & 14

1 boy 7 1/2

 

the girls called the child abuse hotline to try to get us to break up. that's how bad it is. we have a counselor who come to our home once a month now. there was no child abuse involved and it has been established that they were just trying what they could to get me to move. i am so confused and i feel so stupid every day. i even tell myself outloud how stupid i am, without meaning too. maybe i am crazy.

[Sexychiick16]

it seems to me that your not happy

and if your man isnt making you happy

let him know what he is doing wrong.

 

Who knows maybe he'll change. Yeah ...ok

he yells at you around your kids,...and that upsets you.

why deal with a guy who makes you upset all the time!?

I know the answer and the answer kills me.

 

let him know what bothers you

about him and let him know that he can take a hike

you deserve wayy better. Tell him to go to counceling.

He sounds really dependent on you. He can't be alone

because of jelousy thoughts and accuses you of cheating.

 

I have a dad who is much like your boyfriend

accept I have to listen to him until i am 18.

he accuses me of having sex and doing drugs

when i am out with friends. He accuses me of

a lot like Stealing his cigerattes, hiding his car keys..

stealing his money...and soo on...I know how it is...

The big difference from you and me is that I can't leave

my dad. You can leave this guy. the similarities is that he has responsibility of your children and that you have put sooo

much into your relationship and have tryed and tryed to make it

work...counceling...and still not working

 

 

Un happiness is really un healthy for your own health.and it is not to late to take charge...

I think you are still full of life and this boyfriend of yours

is sucking all of the good energy out of your life....

 

I know you are stronger and better than this. This upsets

me because my bestfriend (age 17) is going through the same

same thing. She is so upset yet can't give him the big boot out the

door. Him and her are always trying to work it out, but she

is never happy. It is upsetting to see her like this and she tells

me the reason she doesnt leave him is because he wont make

it with out her and that he needs her. (OMG) this makes me furious

because I see how he treats her.

 

I know you can do better and I know you have it in you

to leave him. I just don't know the whole intire situation which

makes me not much help. All i can do in encourage you and try to

lift your spirits.

 

This other guy sounds like he might be making

you a lot happier..he sounds great. I would advise you to call this

guy up and seee how he is doing. Ask him out to some coffee

Just try not to give

him more attention than your own kids.

 

It might drive the kids nuts and they may

try to terminate you two's relationship.

 

also give your self some time to think things over...

really think about things...Think about what will make "YOU"

Happy!!

 

---good luck..id like to know what happens with all of

this..feel free to message me..

[ruby05]

you sound like you know what you are talking about.

 

he treats my 14 year old just like you say your dad treats you. he has even nailed up the back door and her window and put a camera outside accusing her of sneaking out them.

 

he does me the same way. will get upset if he comes home and i have vaccuumed because he says i am trying to cover up some man's footprints!

 

i found a whole survelance system in my attic one time where he was recording the front door and yard while he was at work at night. i caught him watching one of the tapes and got really angry. but the problem i think, is that i have put up with so much i have became numb. these things might seem like a big deal to everyone else and they can't see how i put up with it, but to me, it's just the norm i guess.