IM help, Thanks!

[misery12]

Hey, I know you all are probably getting fed up with me by now..

 

But I wonder something, and I'm hoping you all can help me.

 

My ex and I are still very close, im probably the guy she's closest to, but it seems she doesn't initiate contact wtih me on msn/icq that much..

She occasionally does, but a good percentage of the time, it's me.. and I feel, since I was the one being dumped.. shouldn't she come to me?

Or else I will come off as desperate and needy..

 

I feel if I stop initiating contact, she wont start.. and we won't talk, and I don't want that. She's coming to my cottage with me this weekend, and we don't really have much to talk about, but we could always say "hey, what are you doing today" and go from there..

 

She's giving me signs, and she's told a mutual friend of ours, that she likes me again, and I always see her reading my away message, but never saying hey..

 

Any thoughts?? what do I do??

[Aishin86]

Well, u know.. whether you're coming off as desperate or not, if you're sure that she likes you, and if you have feelings for her, you should something romantic to take her by surprise.

If you manage to sweep her off her feet, even those awkward silences will seem like heaven.

[misery12]

Like what??

[Hope75]

Misery,

 

I know you've thought about talking to her and finding out what her true intentions are in the past.... I was just wondering if you'd given that any more thought?

 

You will not be able to stop worrying about every little gesture she does and says until you get --straight from her mouth-- what she wants from/with you.

 

At this point, if she likes you as much as the friends say, why aren't you together?

 

Do you think there is a possibility she is using you for your cottage & pool, & friendship, without having to do any of the real work involved in a friendship??

 

Also, if you are afraid that if you stop initiating contact, that she won't contact you, do you think that is fair, and a good way to start a relationship? It should be 50/50, and she should be working to regain your trust and affection, since she is the one who broke up with you.

[Stinkweed]

and I always see her reading my away message, but never saying hey.

 

Yeah? How do you do that?

 

Anyway, back to the topic. What was the reason for the break up? Things might depend on that a great deal. And also, if you're the one who initiates contact most of the time, I'm sorry to tell you, but it's not a good sign. I've been through that and I can tell it is definitively not the best of signs. But if you think you guys got a friendship and you want to preserve it, then I suggest that instead of trying to contact her every single opportunity you've got, try and talk to her like once, then don't talk to her, but then talk to her again, like each other opportunity you've got, if you know what I mean? Sorry, I'm still kinda asleep, lol. I dunno... I'd also have to know more about this, cause maybe things are going well. Well, if she's going to hang out with you at your cottage, then I'm guessing it's going pretty good.

 

So, I guess I think Hope75's advice is a good way to go, lol. Sorry if I wasn't of much help. Good luck.

[misery12]

Okay, I need to fill you all in.

Hope, I know you've been following up a lot, and don't think that I wimped out on talking to her, because last saturday I was planning on talking to her, believe me! I have gotten all these signs she likes me, and if she doesn't like me, then she's sending me mixed signals. The reason I didn't talk to her on saturday was because everyone at my party was drunk, (responsibly) and I KNEW it wasn't a good time to talk, and I said to myself "there's other times" such as my cottage, hopefully that works out.. if not, we'll go next weekend or so.

 

Also, someone else told me maybe she's using me? but she has a pool, so there's no need to use me for mine, and I have huge/nice house, but so does she.. she has everything I do.. so there's no reason to 'use' me.. but thanks.. and the thing is, if I feel like im being used, I will say something, and stand up for myself, I still have my dignity. So that's where I stand.. Hope that clears things up.

 

As for the other poster, sorry I forget your name, and im too lazy to go back.. I have an IM program called Miranda, which has a plugin that when people read your away message, it pops up saying they are.

 

I talked to her for a few minutes this morning, and told her there might be a chance we can't go to the cottage this weekend because my sisters boyfriend might have a baseball game monday night, and if they don't go.. it would be boring with just my parents.. but I told her that im finding out tonight if we can go or not.. and she said "oh ok thats fine with me" so I said "ok i'll let you know" she replied, thanks.. she has a soccer tournament this weekend and I said "good luck, and you better score or you're not welcome at our cottage " and she just said "hah".

 

I didn't respond to that because I felt like there was nothing more to talk about and I just x'ed it out because if she wanted to talk, she could talk to me.. then I checked her away message about 20 mins later, and she went to the mall..

 

So that's where I stand.. hope this helps guys!

 

Oh yeah, Dead Eyes, I forgot to add.. she broke up with me about a month ago.. and I don't realllly know why.. I think she just said it wasn't working and wanted to be friends, and she mentioned that she felt a little smothered at times.. but since we broke up I haven't mentioned one thing about our relationship, and i've given her so much space/time.. and since the break up.. we've hung out many many times.. Bbq's, partys, dinner, movies, plays, swimming, beach.. etc.. this is in one month.

[Stinkweed]

and since the break up.. we've hung out many many times.. Bbq's, partys, dinner, movies, plays, swimming, beach.. etc.. this is in one month.

 

Wow, in one month. That's really amazing... I guess she might be having second thoughts about the break up. Things look normal to me... So, what is it you need help in? I mean, sure not everyone starts conversations on IM... So, that's nothing out of this world. Don't get nervous and don't read too much into this man. Good luck and best wishes. Hope that was of some help...