Just an Update..

[alona125]

Hey Everyone. I just wanted to share what has been going on with me lately.

I posted in the Relationships forum under, "Update on What My Ex Did," and it basically tells my situation there. Not all of it, but it gives you an idea of the type of guy he is.

 

Obviously, the best thing that I know I had to do was break up, end it, NC, and that is what all of you said.

 

 

I had been doing great, not answering his calls, keeping busy, even attempting to go on a few dates with a new man.

 

Well, for some reason I really missed him last week, and he happened to

call me last Fri to see what I was doing for the 4th weekend.

 

I agreed to meet up with him that night. STUPID. Well, the night went great, he was so nice to me, sweet, didn't get mad at anything I did. I

stayed with him that night, and spent Sat with him, no fights.

 

Then, Sunday morning, he woke up, and I guess I had a bloody nose I didnt' see. He saw it and got really mad at me, and said I act like a kid all curled up in a ball, not knowing I had a bloody nose.

First of all, I have always slept like that, and I didn't even know I had a bloody nose. He used some force with my arms to get the pillow, and it started to scare me. He was so mean to me at that moment, saying it is always something with me.

 

But, we made up, and I stayedt the morning. Then, all of a sudden he made plans with his guy friends, and basically said that I would leave then. I thought we had had plans for the whole day, but he didn't care.

 

I left, upset, but I texd him later that night saying goodnite.

No response. No call on the 4th.

 

I just posted to kinda vent, and be very honest with everyone, and also to get back on track. I blew it, after being so strong, but you know what, it was a good reminder that he will never change. He will be nice for one minute, then turn back into his old self.

[RayKay]

Let me tell you a little story...

 

First time my boyfriend and I spent night together (it was quite early on in the relationship and we were not exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend yet) I ended up with a bleeding nose while we were um....in the midst of some business... Who knows why, I rarely get them but for some reason, ended up with one on this night...I realized it and jumped up and ran to bathroom, but not before I also managed to get some onto him and onto the pillowcase. For the next 30 minutes I was trying to get it to stop. And what did my not-at-the-time boyfriend do? He patiently took care of me, cleaned up and cuddled with me until it stopped. He showed concern, not anger.

 

A few months later when I became horribly sick with a kidney infection, he spent a week at my side taking care of me, taking me to the hospital, picking up drugs, forcing me to drink fluids, cleaning up when I threw up. Not once did he complain. He was concerned.

 

Your ex's reaction to you was selfish, immature and do not demonstrate love and compassion. He got mad at you for something out of your control...for a "medical" reason!

 

On the plus side, this let you see his true character again, and will give you more incentive to stay ON track now and work on moving on without this guy in your life. And to find someone whom when they see you have a bleeding nose will wrap you up in their arms and even hold a kleenex under your nose for you...

[alona125]

Wow. Thanks for the kind story. What a sweet guy! That should have been my ex's response, but no.

 

There are men out there that will not do that, and I know it. There is one that I am kinda seeing right now, but it is so hard to focus on him and not the ex right now. Who knows why.

 

I am focusing on myself right now. I was strong before, and I am going to now, no matter how hard.

[Hope75]

I agree with Ray Kay.

 

You cannot help a bloody nose, and the way he reacted was so childish and selfish and just plain mean. He showed no concern for you whatsoevoer.

 

I actually got a random bloody nose about a month ago, and managed to bleed all over my bf's brand new white 500 thread count sheets and his brand new really expensive WHITE down comforter.

 

Was he mad? No. He was more concerned about why my nose was bleeding. (and the blood washed out of everything....eventually )

 

The point is, accidents happen. This was out of your control, and could have been serious. Did he show one iota of concern for you? No! He was angry at you, and for what?

 

Alona, this man proves to you again and again he does not care about your feelings and welfare. It is more than clear that he does not know what love is and certainly does not love you.

 

You've been very strong recently and I have no doubt that this little slip up will prove to you again why you need to stay away from him.

 

Hang in there girl, you will get it right!

[alona125]

The whole thing started when I got up to go to the bathroom early in the morning. I drank a lot of water that night, so I had to get up more than once that night. I guess when I got up for like the 2nd or 3rd time in the morning, it p*** him off.

After I came out of the bathroom, i didn't shut the door, (the shower drips and makes noise) so he gets up and SLAMS it, and asks me why I have to get up so much. "it annoying!" he said.

So, when he did that I go upset and moved over on the bed. An hour or so later, he tried to cuddle with me, after yellong and slamming the door, and I kinda resisted. That is when he saw the bloody nose, and I guess I had spilled a little water from my water bottle, and he saw that too.

He said I was acting like a 3 year old. What was I supposed to do after he yelled at me for "disturbing his sleep" and not shutting the door behind me.

So, the bloody nose just set him off. After that, the day was kinda shot, and he just wanted me to leave later on, even though we had planned to spend the whole day together.

We haven't talked since. I text him happy 4th, but he hasn't responded since Sunday. Jerk...

I just need to go back to not talking to him. As hard as it will be, I need to to get my life back again. I blew it, but I need to get back to NC.

[alona125]

Thanks again everyone for sharing your stories and kind words. I know I can do it, but I just slipped up again, and need you all to help me get back on track.

 

I can't be treated like this. The good times we have/had aren't even worth it anymore.

[lisa_k]

Hi,

 

My advice to you (and I know you know this in your heart) is to leave him and that whole situation and never look back. You saw him for what he is. He isn't concerned about you and your well being. Believe me, I understand how difficult it is to have a relationship end and have no contact (I'm going through it right now). Be strong. Surround yourself with people who care about you and who are looking out for your best interest. You will be a stronger, happier, more self-confident person in the end.

 

Lisa

[alona125]

Lisa,

 

Good luck to both of us. We are both better off in the long run, as hard as it is now.

 

We both just have to be strong.

 

Its hard after they have just completely ruined your self-esteem, or at least in my situation. I just have to get it back, and soon, I will laugh that i ever stayed so long.

[Hope75]

Alona,

 

The one who was acting like a child is him. He made a big fuss and yelled at you because you got up to go to the bathroom. How ridiculous is that?

 

You have all the information you need here.

 

Try to apply it and as Lisa said, surround yourself with people who care and want to see you happy.

 

You slipped, and that's OK. Now you can get back up and try harder next time.

 

I know you can do this!

[alona125]

I feel strong now, I just hope I maintain it, and not take his calls.

My problem is not calling him, just replying to him when he finally decides to call me.

 

I will post here if I feel the urge.

 

Thanks everyone.

[RayKay]

He is definitely the "child" in this case. Sounds like he also may have been looking for reason to push you away. I know it's tough, but you CAN move on from this guy and believe me find much better!

 

My mum told me she knew my stepfather was the one for her when the first night THEY spent together she woke up with the flu, and he took care of her even though she was a puking mess...it's not just how the one we love acts when we are well, and dandy and positive, but also the love they show us when we are at our worst that counts.

[alona125]

I know I will find that man someday.

This relationship has really messed me up to be honest. I have let it, but who knew a human being could be so cruel to someone who truly loved them.

I did, so much. I showed him love, but he focused on my mistakes. He hasn't even had the decency to call me or respond to my nice texts.

I will not act desperate anymore. If he wants to call, I will not answer.

 

A question I have is what is the best way to just break up "cold turkey" and not even talk to him again. I only get tempted or bummed when I look at my cell and see he hasn't called or texd me. Should I change my #, or maybe he will not call me this time.

Who knows, Im just confused how to handle this, and just want out, for good.

Thanks

[Hope75]

Changing your cell phone number is a good start. That way, you won't be tempted to look at it all the time, looking for texts, or waiting for him to call. The problem with this now is, if you feel weak, and text him yourself or call him from the phone, it gives him your new # and defeats the purpose.

 

You have to learn not to answer or return calls or texts. All this does is invites him to hurt you again. 18 months of this abuse. Do you think it's time to put a stop to it, and let yourself get on with life?

 

Alona, You can do this. You know that every time you let him back in, even beg him to come back in, he hurts you again.

 

The end results are the same, every time. Actions speak loudest, and his scream that he does not care about you, your feelings, nor your welfare or best interests.

 

Any guy like that has no place in your life.

[Hope75]

Luciana had this posted on her thread, and it applies to you as well Alona: