trying to be together....long read, but please help

[brahman]

had my first real fight with my girlfriend.

 

we were at a friends house and she was offered beer, it didnt bother me that she tried some but she told me that if the drink that she liked was here she was going to have more. i told her not to get drunk and that it bothered me if she were to drink any more at all. she didnt seem to care. fortunately the drink she likes was not there, but it put me in the mood that she didnt care so i was mad and sad. by the way neither of us has ever been drunk and i think she was just trying to act cool with the drinking the beer.

 

she saw that i was upset and asked what was wrong, i said that i didnt want to talk about it here. then she asked if i wanted to talk outside, i said no. so then she tells everyone in the room that i am mad at her and wont tell her why, which upsets me more.

 

then i go to the bathroom and when i come out she is telling everyone how i get more scared about having a baby and that its dumb to ware a condom when she is on the pill.

 

i wouldnt talk for most of the night and when i finally told her what bothered me, she cried a little because she knew she upset me, then she said she was sorry. i new she was sorry but i also knew she did not know what she was sorry about. then i said i love you and i want to be with you, but i dont want us to have conflicts. she started crying really hard. long silence and more crying. we talked some more and told each other we were going to communicate more. i told her that i didnt want her to change to many things because its not right. she told me that she would try harder and then i told her that she shouldnt try too hard or else she is going to end up killing herself over someone she is not meant to be with. the crying got harder than its ever been. we decided that we were going to stay together, but we both had to work on us. i know i have some insecurities and i am trying toi work on them but i dont know how many of my insecurities i should loose.

 

we hugged for a long time then she had to go.

 

am i in the wrong somehow?

[mysteryman]

In my opinion not really.. but loosen up a little bit. A beer or 2 wont get you drunk. But here acting the way she did wasnt right and was probaly trying to get attention or make you tell her. And wearing a condom never hurts. But its ok dont worry about it. Just focus a little more on the communication.

[brando]

all i can add is next time a woman gives you two opportunities to talk about a argument or disagreement or something bothering you, take her up on one of them, after she offered going outside to talk, because you didnt want to at this party, you needed to go out and talk to her.

 

Their isnt a right or wrong, you feel the way you do about her actions, she feels the way she does. No right or wrong.

 

 

Communication is vital, that includes listening as well. We have one mouth and two ears, because listening is twice as hard....

[jenrob]

One mistake you made is when she wanted to talk to you, you should have excused yourselves and talked to each other outside. A woman wants to be listened to more than anything. When a man does not allow a woman to talk and express herself it can cause hurt feelings. As far as the drinking, well I can understand that you don't want her to drink. By telling her she can't may make her want to do it more. Some woman especially when they are younger look to a bf almost like a father. If you tell her she can't do something she might just do it to show you she can and you are not in control! Hope that helps.

 

jenrob

[brahman]

ths kinda weird with the whole father thing.

 

things seem to be a little better now. i really dont think she would get drunk becuase i told her not too. she wouldnt get drunk anyway, she would most likely have few sips and put it down, just that she said she would have more that made me mad.