Update! This is the End! Dropped off her stuff!

[simon_uk]

Ok folks so I dropped the ex's things off it was soooo hard, didnt expect it to be easy, but it is done now. I packed everything I could up and put it in a bag. Went round to her mums who seemed pleased to see me, the ex;s sister was there also I was expecting her to say something mean or tell me the ex was seeing somebody but she didnt thank god. Anyhow, dont know if I did the right thing, I mean I put some stuff in there that we bought together, just too painful seeing it laying around the flat. I also put in the photographs of us, dont know if that will be taken the wrong way but again I do not want them lying around.

 

Her mum asked how I had been, what I had been uptp today etc. I wasnt cagey but didnt give too much away. She said so you have cleared your flat of 'X'? I said yes. She also said well you seem happier than you were last time I seen you (three weeks after the split) I said yeah I am. That was it, I said I had to go as my friend was in the car.

 

I put in a cd, we bought it together last year and it really says how I feel. Against All Odds (The Phil Collins song) by the UK's Ex Factor winner Steve Broostein. Yes I did put a note, just two lines on the CD that simply said.

 

I will never forget you baby. I wish you Everything!

 

That is it now, over, done and dusted. Did I do right or really really wrong?

[annie24]

Perfect. You did everything just perfectly. Congrats!!!

[The_Doc]

Well done Simon

 

What you did tooks guts and determination and you probably surprised the leife out of her by doing this.

 

I have to wrestle with this dilemma as well except in my case my ex has all my stuff and its a 250+ mile journey to go back to the old home.

 

She wants to control when I do this and under what circumstances and I have always relented to her desire to wait to do this in the hope that she would decide for a reconciliation. Now I feel this is and was always unrealistic I'm beginning to think I should just go and do it, after all my name is on the rental contract and I have keys. The ex is often away at weekends with work anyway so i can always tell her Im going up when I know she won't be there.

 

I don't really understand why she wants to delay this -- its been 10 weeks and she seems in no hurry for me to move all my stuff out, wants to do this together but only when she is ready to do it!! I gave up thinking this was because she was still harbouring uncertainty now I just think its a sign of someone not really coming to terms with the consequences of their decisions.

 

Anyhoo well done! Glad to hear your feeling better

[simon_uk]

Hey Doc!

 

Did i say that I was feeling better? Mmmm? Well I am not! In fact I feel bad. I, like you thought she was leaving her things as a kind of tie to me in case she decided she wanted back, I guess now she has had time to think she has decided she doesnt want back and thus asked for her things to break any ties. On the other hand it was mostly clothes that she didnt wear or hadnt wore for the past year so I thought there was more to it, I guess not!

 

Anyhow I would suggest that if the things you have at the ex's are things you want I would get them asap, if you can do without them just write them off.

 

Simon

[The_Doc]

I know you may be feeling bad but the fact you brought yourself to do it shows that you are adjusting emotionally even if it hurts still like mad.

 

Well I can live without some of the stuff but my entire CD collection (200+ CDs), DVD collection, 100s of books, skis, tools etc??

 

Getting tired of listening to the same 10 CDs over and over LOL

 

I think the thing I've learnt over the last 2 weeks and dating helped me realise this is that we think too much about what 'they' are thinking when in all honesty we can never know and they probably aren't thinking about all of these things anywhere as deeply as we are.

 

take care

[Cassyniner]

Way to go Simon!! Think about it this way, you have taken back the power! My ex still has not picked up the rest of his stuff, though he actually made an appointment to do it last week. The clock is ticking for him on this, and he knows it. I gave him notice in writing that he had 3 weeks to get all of his stuff out or it would be donated to charity on a certain date. I am also charging him storage fees per day, and will go to court to get the money if I have to. I hope that doesn't sound vindictive??!! I don't think that isn't my motivation, after all, I own the place, and how many landlords just let you store stuff for free after you move out? I don't know, I just really want the stuff gone. I don't want him to have any excuse to contact me. Simon- now that you have taken her things to her mum, she has no reason to contact you. If she does then you will know it's because she wants to talk to you.

[simon_uk]

Hi Doc! Yeah well I wouldn't be leaving all those CD's and DVD's, that would be like cutting my arm off!!! Get them back ASAP Doc!

 

Cassy - Thanks for the input. I imagine she may be angry and vindictive because I put certain things in the bag, like a jelly bean machine we bought together. I mean she was the one who wanted it so why not right? But I bet she thinks I am a right cruel bastard! you are right she has no reason to contact me now, so if there was something more to the request for her stuff she is going to have to come right out and say it this time! I am trying not to expect that to happen though.

 

Simon

[socalguy123]

Congrats Simon! And by the way, welcome to the rest of your life. Moving on is never easy, and there's a follow-through that is just as hellish. But once the wheels get a-rollin', you know you're already gone. Memories are memories, but you have the rest of your life to live, buddy!

[Cassyniner]

I am of the opinion--who cares what they think? They are the ones that hurt us...If they think we handle it poorly--too GD bad!

[DN]

I think you did well. Now that the final physical link has gone you can break the last of the emotional links as well.