Total Devastation

[temperamental_taurus]

Hope, I thought briefly about selling it or pawning it, but it was a symbol of an entire relationship that meant nothing, and so... to me it holds no value. I'd rather buy my own books with my own money... prolly hard to understand that - but it goes along with the whole "taking out the trash" of my life... and that is exactly what he represents to me. It's gonna make some trash man's wife very happy... LOL

 

I'm going to be going to school to earn the degree for the job I currently hold... Health Information.

 

So, I took Luna back to where I got her from. I cried and cried... the gal that adopted her out to me said that if I ever see D again that I'm to tell him that she thinks he's a piece of .... well, you know. I'd have to agree with her.

 

So, I'm off to take another nap and then off to Phoenix to meet a friend and then to another AlAnon meeting later this evening... More later... A.

[lakergal]

I can understand, Temp, about the cats... and school.

 

You are so RIGHT ON about focusing on yourself... and making sure you have time for YOU!

 

Last summer, after my ex left briefly, I thought I "needed" another dog (did I mention the TWO great danes I already had and the umm... one weiner dog?)... I'd had a black lab too but she passed at the ripe old age of 14... so I thought I'd get a golden retriever...

 

Then, I realized I had no time for the pup... no time to train, no time to play, no time to snuggle/cuddle... so she went back. It sucked... but it was the right thing to do.

 

So glad you're headed back to school!!! That's an amazing, powerful, fulfilling step to take... been there...

 

And yes, there is something VERY fulfilling to throwing out the junk. My ex gave me diamond earrings... while he was packing I threw them in there with the rest of his junk. They meant something when he gave them to me... cuz I believe his lies and b.s. at the time... but when he pulled the last crap on me, I stopped believing in him and the earrings no longer had any value to me.

 

Keep us in the loop!!!

[temperamental_taurus]

Thanks LG... I feel very liberated LOL...

 

So, tonight was my second Al-Anon meeting. I really liked this one. It was birthday night and people that had hit year marks were recognized. I got to hear their stories. Boy do they sound like me. They also asked if anyone was new, so I had to say that I was... and afterwards, so many people came up to welcome me, hug me, include me. An amazing feeling. I met one girl, around my age, who also had left her alcoholic - we ended up talking for awhile. If all meetings are like this, then I'm going to continue to go - it's like a huge family and I need that support right now. I feel like I can DO THIS... can walk away from him.

 

One thing that was stressed to me was that IT'S NOT MY FAULT that he went straight from me to living with other women, or that he's with someone new. It's because he HAD to... It's that he can't fill that void that he's trying to fill with alcohol, I didn't fill it, the next woman won't be able to fill it either... he's always trying but he never will... because I keep asking myself how could he have done this to me? But it's NOT me and somehow that makes me feel much better.

 

So I am to read the Alcoholic Anonomous book and pray every morning. I could use a little more God in my life right now... and that's as far as my sponsor has taken me thus far... Overall, I had a good day today - things are looking up... More later... A.

[Hope75]

Good for you Temp...

 

I am so glad that you found this wonderful supportive organization, and that you finally understand that it really does have nothing to do with you....it's an illness....a disease..... just like your addiction to him was. It must feel so good to see how many others have been through what you have and find strength in that comradship.

 

I'm sorry about your kitty, at least you know the person you surrendered her too and she will get a good home, that's a hard thing to go through too. You have to do what's right for you though.

 

Keep us updated!

[temperamental_taurus]

OMG, OMG, OMG!!! This is SOOOO exciting... While I was living with the ex I was bored out of my mind... and began taking photos of my cats... The woman I gave Luna back to asked for some updated images of Luna, and I forwarded some to her... she loved them... I got this email today!!!

 

 

 

Should I??? Shouldn't I??? I'm scared, nervous, excited ARGH!!!

[Hope75]

Heck yeah you should!!

 

Temp that is awesome!!! See?? God does not close one door without opening another!

 

I LOVE taking pictures and am a huge shutterbug... I would die for an opportunity like this. Wouldn't you?

 

(BTW what kind of camera do you have?)

[temperamental_taurus]

I have a NikonCoolPix 4300 4.0 Megapixel - digital camera... but I think I have a Minolta camera at my parents house... I told her before I'm not trained, although I DID take a photography class while I was in school - apparently that doesn't matter. I'm also an artist, I love to draw and paint... so maybe photography comes naturally to me too...

 

I NERVOUS though... photographing actors??? Ack!!!! But I won't let this opportunity pass me by either... especially if their brochure isn't good - I could help re-design it too! My mommy always told me I should have gone into art

[Hope75]

I think you should totally go for it.

 

I am mad for my digital camera ( an Olympus Camedia C4040Zoom 4.1 megapixel) and I am always taking pictures, I drive everyone crazy with it, but I take alot of really nice pictures too.

 

That's the beauty of the digital camera. If you have the eye for it, you can take 500 pics and only need 3 or 4 that are really good, and then delete the rest.

 

What's the harm in contacting them?

 

Sounds like a Golden Opportunity to me!

 

Can I see some of your pics? (is your avatar one of your cats?)

[temperamental_taurus]

Ok, I'll try to put some on here... check back, it may take a minute...

[temperamental_taurus]

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I guess these can give you an idea of my photos... I think if you click on the images it'll pull up a larger pic that's more clear...

[Hope75]

Temp,

 

These are excellent!

 

You really do have an eye for artsy photos!

 

I would definitely call, and at least talk to these people about it.

 

You have a real talent there!

[temperamental_taurus]

Ok, I'm getting nervous - I told her yes!!!

 

Okay here's the scoop.

 

 

 

On Sunday, July 10 from 2:30- until I am having a client BBQ at my house. The comedy troupe including their director, writer and all the actors are coming over for eats and drinks. A couple of our officers will be here. This is an excellent opportunity to meet and schmooze with them.

 

 

 

Get back and let me know if this is something you are interested in.

 

I accepted her offer... Now what?!? I need to breathe deep breaths!!! Directors, writers, actors, officers!!! It's all just too much!!!

[Hope75]

You've got a wonderful eye.

 

Bring your camera, your appetite, and look fabulous.

 

You can do this! I know you can!

 

This is the opportunity of a lifetime!

[temperamental_taurus]

Soooo... sigh... today was a frustrating day besides the news about the photography thing this morning (yay that's so kewl!!! hee hee)

 

I went to get my nails done and got a text message from my friend J (remember him?) Anyways he was like where were you? I KNOW you weren't home... I text him back and was like What?!? And he replied well, you told me you were going to be home today and you aren't - I know... OOOO man, did I get pissed. I sent back a nasty text stating that I didn't know I needed to check in or stay home on my days off... and he said something else accusatory. I stopped texting after that. A few hours later, after my photoshoot for that dating thing I had signed up for awhile ago, I got another text that was accusatory... and asked if he could call, I told him no - wasn't wasting the last minutes I have arguing. So he asked if he could come over to talk with me. I said fine and when he got here I laid into him. Who the heck does he think he is to QUESTION where I am or what I'm doing? He's not my boyfriend, he has no right to try and keep me under his thumb. I told him I am over 21, free and an American citizen and have the right to do what ever it is I want. That he is to never question me again. He said he thought I was with "D"... How dare he assume I'm with another man, and even if I was (which I wasn't), he is my FRIEND - we have no ties... I was explicitly clear on that... you are NOT my boyfriend and you're lucky I'm even speaking to you right now. He apologized and gave me forehead kisses (ok I'm a sucka for those) and then I told him to leave... Ugh, how frustrating... don't think I'll call him for a few days, if ever... One of my NICE ex's is coming over tonight... it'll be good to see him, it has been awhile.

 

I'm feeling awesome being single finally... I have the freedom to choose EXACTLY who I want... and what I'm not willing to put up with now... when did I get so strong? It feels like an over-night over-haul on my system... Maybe Al-Anon does work

[SexySadie7]

Man... do you turn another leaf girl...

I have been reading your posts for about an hour... Wasn't J the guy who was completely there for you when you were falling apart?

I know his comment about why you weren't there wasn't really appropriate.... but it sounds like you are just giving him the brush off now.

I thought you said you could do alot worse than him temperamental_taurus

Age: 31

 

 

"I went to get my nails done and got a text message from my friend J (remember him?) Anyways he was like where were you? I KNOW you weren't home... I text him back and was like What?!? And he replied well, you told me you were going to be home today and you aren't - I know... OOOO man, did I get pissed. I sent back a nasty text stating that I didn't know I needed to check in or stay home on my days off... and he said something else accusatory. I stopped texting after that. A few hours later, after my photoshoot for that dating thing I had signed up for awhile ago, I got another text that was accusatory... and asked if he could call, I told him no - wasn't wasting the last minutes I have arguing. So he asked if he could come over to talk with me. I said fine and when he got here I laid into him. Who the heck does he think he is to QUESTION where I am or what I'm doing? He's not my boyfriend, he has no right to try and keep me under his thumb. I told him I am over 21, free and an American citizen and have the right to do what ever it is I want."

I mean.. yeah.. he might have been aggravated that he couldn't get a hold of you after all the hand holding he did for you..and his attitude was kind of off.... but to lay into him like that.. well.. i don't know.. just doesn't seem right to me.. He WAS a good friend to you... he's also been your lover... You know what it's like to be treated badly by a lover... or are you one of these girls who just thinks that if you hook up with someone you don't have to pretend you know them anymore... I'm sad to read this post really.

[Hope75]

Al Anon is a great support system and obviously suits you very well.

 

As for "J".... honey I know you don't want to hear this but I told you not to sleep with him knowing how he felt about you, and now, naturally he comes around thinking he has rights to know where you are and what you are doing.

 

Good for you for telling him off and that his behaviour is unacceptable, at least you are showing him that you are no longer willing to be treated as a doormat by any guy....

 

I really think even if you think being friends with J is a good idea right now, you need to distance youself from him... you clearly sent him the wrong message by sleeping with him. Time to continue to send him the right message by staying away... at least for a little while.

 

Keep it up, I think it's great that you feel so empowered!

[temperamental_taurus]

Sexy... Absolutely not, but you don't realize the amount that I've been controlled this past year... and that was NOT the sweet friend I have known. I certainly don't treat HIM like that and he has no right to say those things to me. I will not allow myself to be treated like this by a man ever again. I had told him this while he was over as well... that I am very sensitive to the red flags a man displays right now... and this was a huge red flag. I can't even go to an appt without the where were yous, I drove by your house to check on you (he was working today) - that is stalker material... and I will take inventory of those little "signs" immediately. Are you saying that because I've been intimate with him and that he has stood by me that he should now be allowed to treat me however he wants? Absolutely not... I have kept in close contact with him everyday, so to jump to those conclusions about me is ridiculous.

[temperamental_taurus]

Thanks, Hope... you did tell me and you were right. I had this talk with him the other day and he agreed that if and when i was ready for that kind of closeness again, I can go to him but he won't pursue it from me. And it hasn't happened since that night.

 

And I agree with you and me that I should stay away for awhile... yes, he's been there for me, but under what pretense, ya know? I'm not some girl that just tosses people aside like the other poster said... if I was, I wouldn't be in the mess I am now... it's just that this behavior from him is unacceptable.

[Hope75]

Temp,

 

I understand how you feel, and why you got so upset when you felt red flags going up with J. You were right to nip that in the bud quickly, and hopefully with your savage rebuttal, he got the right message this time.

 

It's going to take some time for you to learn where the happy medium is between trusting a guy and giving yourself to him, and not letting him walk all over you. It takes time, and you are definitely headed in the right direction.

 

Keep focusing on yourself, your fab new job opportunity and your new friends at Al Anon, and you will be rolling and ready to date in no time!!

 

Hope

[lakergal]

Temp -

 

I think Sadie just got the men involved confused - that's all... if she understood what J had done to you, I'm sure the post would be different...

 

One thought: read steps 1 - 3 (please tell me you bought Courage to Change and/or Hope For Today)... then read steps 4 - 5

 

Powerless

Turn your life over

Make a list of EVERYONE that you have harmed and become willing to make amends to them (yes, even J but moreover, yourself)

 

I remember when my 2nd to last ex, Doc (for a nickname), called me after I had left him... all his controlling, manipulation, etc - blech!

 

I laid into him good... really good. Four months later, I sent him my "amends" letter...

 

Four years later after we broke up, we're friends... truly friends. I have no sexual feelings for him but know he knows me well and accepts me -

 

just the way that I am - faults and all. We laugh about his gf putting up with him, he laughs and yells at me for having put up with Ian.

 

So, again, Steps 1 - 3 first - - - and then read stories around amends and detachment.

 

You sound much stronger but Al Anon is not a sprint, it's a marathon and truly, you will continue on this spectrum of strength if you focus on you and your reactions, not him and how he got you to "react" again today.

 

[SexySadie7]

Okay... Tauraus.. it was just you were bit vague about what exactly he said to you on the text messages.. which are your right..

i didn't know anything about him driving by your house to check up on you.. or the other stuff. I thought he was just merely annoyed that you said you'd be there and then you weren't.... and then you just blew up at him for nothing.

Misunderstanding i guess on what exactly the nature of his message to you where. that's the trouble with the internet.. you can't really guess the exact nature of people's posts sometimes. Lo Siento..

but laker was right.. you had to know he'd get the wrong idea about you after he said he loved you.. .. and then you slept with him.. it was just in the cards.

[temperamental_taurus]

Sexy... Yeah, it definitely is hard to get the meaning sometimes from the written word, I completely understand =) I hope you were able to read the part where I have already had the conversation with him regarding us being friends and me warning him that he may get hurt because I can't offer him what he wants right now. I was very honest with him and he said he'd be able to respect the boundaries of friendship with me.

 

So, I thought about what you said, Hope... that I should question even being friends with him right now - and once again you're right. I told him today that we need to not see each other anymore... that I do not and will not ever have the feelings for him that he does for me... that i do not feel like kissing him, being intimate with him and that he obviously can not handle the just "being friends" with me thing and that yesterday proved it... that it actually scared me a little bit. That it is better if we don't have contact for awhile and he needs to detach from me, that'd it be better for him. I had to be very firm with him in order to make sure he understands what I was saying. He was accepting of this (we'll see...ha ha) and said that he admits he's holding on too tight.

 

I just am craving the time I need to get over my ex by myself... I need to focus on me right now because I haven't for so long. I'm feeling stronger than I have in awhile and I don't want or need any distractions (like a stalker) to interfere with that... Yesterday, I was driving through our old neighborhood and started to feel sad... I reminded myself that that feeling is my addiction to him (like his to alcohol) and that I needed to push through it... and I did - the feeling only lasted about 10 minutes and subsided. I remembered to check in with sponsor last night, I'm going to another Al-Anon meeting tonight... Have been reading the AA book and am praying twice a day... God will get me through this... I guess the only kinda sad thing is that I didn't start this process while I was still with him... hind-sight is always 20/20... and I don't really want this as a chronic issue in my life anyways...

[Hope75]

I just am craving the time I need to get over my ex by myself... I need to focus on me right now because I haven't for so long. I'm feeling stronger than I have in awhile and I don't want or need any distractions (like a stalker) to interfere with that...

 

You are exactly right. You need and deserve this time to get yourself together and focus on your healing. You have the right to take care of you for a change, and don't let anyone tell you different.

 

Hang in there Temp!

[arwen]

Just keep us posted. You are as strong as a taurus, remember! You will get through this. I think the tip for going to AlAno is something to reconsider.

 

Take it easy!

 

Ilse.

[temperamental_taurus]

Thanks, Isle... I will continue to go to Al-Anon as long as it's helping me... I'm sure I will get to a point where I no longer feel like I need it...

 

LG, I will probably end up making amends to everyone I have harmed... I haven't heard anything about it yet... and it's probably not the time for me yet... I guess the point where I'm at thus far is just accepting responsibility for helping make the problem worse between my ex and I - even though I had all the best intentions... I realize now that in my next relationships not to try and fix, but to just let go and if the situation isn't to my liking, to just leave.

 

I know that someday the ex and I can be friends... we talked briefly today, and it was fine. I am finally ok with the situation... I guess I understand him just a little bit better and all that resentment has faded away. He couldn't and can't help it... and either could I. Didn't even feel that urge to fix him, help him, encourage him...etc that stuff I'm EXTREMELY good at. YAY me... LOL I've let go and I truly wish him happiness, whatever that translates into for him... I truly credit the small amount of education I've received from Al-Anon for this... I understand now and it makes SENSE. Finally something logical!!!

 

On another positive note, I've lost 17 pounds so far and it keeps falling off... I think that once I began feeling better I was able to want to find "that girl" I used to be again... Those pictures I took yesterday... well, there's one in there that was absolutely amazing, I was floored. All were good, but I was captivated by this one imparticular. Hopefully, I will be able to get ahold of it. What an awesome photographer that woman was... may take some fancy computer skills to get around the 500 bucks wanted for the entire album More later...A.