danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Well, I thought of having sweet revenge!!!!! I ask her to pick up her stuff and IF and WHEN we set a date/time, I have a friend of mine (a girl), be with me, pretending that she is my gf and she'll be holding my hand the enture time and and stroking my arm, or playing with my hair, or I ask to meet her to pay her the money and I bring a girl along with me then.... This is a sure fired way of killing her on the inside. She'll know instantly that she has been replaced and she'll feel what I have been forced to feel. It a thought. Not something I will definitely go through with. She may think of it as a cowards way of needing support, but what do I care what she thinks, right? She never dreamed of me being with another woman, well, here's my chance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something she would never expect. On the one hand I pay her back and give her back her belongings, which is me doing the right thing and on the second hand, she sees me with a loving and supportive woman who is there to take care of me and protect me, because she is worried and concerned about my well being, something my ex hasn't been in 2 years for any long duration of time that is.... Thoughts? Remember, it's not just the ex she has rekindled a flame with, but she lied to me also about having gotten rid of that LD relationship guy, who is apparently very much in her life. She has 2 bf's, not one, and neither of them know about each other, but I know about both. I see this as justice being served... Link to comment
avman Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 You still aren't listening. You are still into the games. Did you read anything that any of us wrote? Link to comment
Reilly2856 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Dude, just let it go. Give her the stuff and get away from her. Though you profess to be over her, out of her control...this constant need to make yourself look better is only setting you back. You don't need to show her your doing well without her. She doesn't mean anything to you, so what do u have to prove to her. Let it go, and move on with your life. Link to comment
Mun Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I have walked away, emotionally speaking quite some time ago and physically over 5 weeeks ago.... Dan, Look at what you said just a couple of posts ago and what you are saying now. You aren't over her, if you were you would not care to show her up with some other woman. You wouldn't care what she thinks at all. I think you should stop yourself now and decide that you will be the bigger person and just walk away. I'm afraid that no matter what you do to "hurt" her now it may not work and you will just be more frustrated and angry than before. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Why bother with the games (of bringing another woman who is NOT your girlfriend along?). Heck, even if she WAS your girlfriend why would you want to stoop that low - it just sounds very very "junior high school" - you know when you break up with your girlfriend of one week one day and that very same night show up at the school dance with another girl all over you....the ex can see right through it, and so would yours. Dan, you tried, you put a lot into this relationship, but I think it is VERY clear to anyone who reads your posts from start to this current time can see that this relationship really is NOT meant to be. We only have your side in all of this...but assuming that your side is 100% correct, she is a manipulative, selfish woman. You have not been a saint all the time either by using "games" to win her back, but I know you were doing it out of the pain of loss and love for her, love that she could not, or would not, return. 4 times she left, Dan that is at LEAST 3 times too many. Maybe once would be understandeable - if a couple is having tremendous troubles, sometimes they do take time apart and come back together mutually. But for her to leave 3 more times as it suited her, and for you to work to get her back after she left in the manners she did so many times, well it just to me sends up huge red flags that there are certain elements missing in this relationship that do not make it right. There ARE more women out there in the world, and believe me, ones who will not be shallow and selfish, and who will not run away every three months, or continue online relationships with men, or laugh heartlessly at your pain. Honestly if your story was that of another poster, and they described your ex as you did, would YOU advise them to hold on to that hope? She is NOT worth your time, she is not worth the old Danimal OR the "new" Danimal. Keep working on improving yourself for YOU, not for her. Learn to live your life without concerning yourself for her (as she surely is not concerned about you right now. Being alone is scary, but being alone and learning to be strong being alone, and being alright with that, is a true growing process. Her leaving again, if you approach it right this time, might just be the BEST thing she ever gave you. Start healing, moving on (for real this time, not concerning about her coming back) and looking forward to a brighter future. And from now on, do not accept a woman into your life who does not meet the standards/needs/desires you have deemed necessary for yourself. Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Guys, I wrote that last part (the game part) at almost 6:00am, after having been up all night. I was talking out of rage.... Can you imagine that I didn't only find out about her spending her weekends with her ex and his family at their cottage, but she ALSO has a bf (LD) in New Jersey, even he doesn't know about???!!!!!??? Which means that the entire time she was back with me, she NEVER cut out contact with this guy either.... Can you understand why I was angry!!?? Avman, please don't ask me if I have read what any of you wrote...I am not crying over her. My tear ducts have dried out a long time ago.. It's just the process of having to absorb all of this information, realizing what she is capable of...and how fooled I was AGAIN, hence my final post last night, which you can all disregard..... I do still have to contend with the money (checks in the mail) and what the heck I am going to do with her belongings..... This is where I am at now...I see how dnagerous and poisonous she is and how unhealthy of a person she is and how very little regard or remorse she has for those she has left behind.... I'm mad at myself for allowing HER to betray me EVERYTIME and constantly one up herself each and everytime, which proved how little she respected me and how much a joke I was in her eyes all along, seeing she felt/feels she can get away with doing whatever it is she chose to do, without having to lose a second of sleep over it. I was and will always be a one woman man, meanwhile, look at what she is doing!!! Was this an attempt in her quest for "the one"?? I mean ???? She samples everybody, here and everywhere else and even goes back for seconds and thirds with men she has psychologically destroyed in her quest... Maybe you can better understand why I wrote what I did last night. I never said I was going to do it, I was just entertaining the idea for 10 minutes. It's not in my character, it's in hers...Again, the two guys don't know about each other, or so I've been told, but unfortunately I'm left with the knowledge of both... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Well - you know that I've already told you this, but this new development is all the more reason to forget she even existed. Put the check in the mail, and put all her stuff in one box, and mail it to her also. End of story. Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Annie, it's just too much money to send her in one check. If I do it at all, it would have to be done in several payments...Regarding her stuff, I was just thinking of including with the first check a note, giving her the option of if she wants her stuff back to inform me and leave it at that...Her stuff are too heavy (too many items)...I am not fitting the bill on that one too.. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Well - fine, send her a series of checks. Stop making excuses for the stuff. You are using it as a way to contact her. Why are you asking if she wants her stuff back? It's her stuff, she paid for it, yes she wants it back. How badly... I dunno. Well - you owe her so much money, she's not a bank, consider the mailing fees you pay as part of the "interest" on the loan she gave you. Link to comment
heartbroken23 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Danimal, I though I was heartbroken when my GF left me and now she is with someone....but I can't even imagin ewhat you are going through after what she did to you...she clarly has issues and is messed up. What should you do with her stuff? I say burn it! *&%$ her bro... Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Excuses??? I DON'T want to have anything to do with her...If I want to contact her, I would have. I am NOT scared of her Annie!!! Have you read my posts in the last 2 weeks on this site. I am in Full control of myself here. All I have been doing is venting!! You say she wants her stuff back like that was a stupid question to even ask!!! If she wanted her stuff back, SHE would have contacted me, and NOT the other way around... I also don't owe her SO MUCH money Annie, but seeing I was layed off, times are a bit tough for me and I am only getting my feet back on the ground here, okay? Furthermore, it was a LOAN...I was in Law School and she GAVE some money 3 years ago. It was never leant to me. It was GIVEN to help us out for our future. I bought her 2 thousand dollar engagement ring and never got my money back for that, which was for our future as well. Do you see me asking her for that money back. Again, she hasn't asked for this money from me for quite some time. It is I who wants to do the rigth in and pay her back, for ME and NOT for HER!! Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Furthermore, please don't confuse me with someone who is looking for a reason to see her or have contact...Can't you see how disgusted I am??? Again, if I wanted to contact her, I would have already. I was emotionally detached to do so, but now it's about preserving my self-respect and realizing that I can't bear to hear her voice, in fear that I won't cry, but I will get violently ill... Finally, I OWE her nothing. The money is for me and NOT FOR HER!!! I walk away the better person, having done the right thing...Let her live with hersel;f and the actions she has and is taking...I can't be bothered anylonger.. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Dan, This is way too much anger for someone who is claiming to be emotionally detached. It's OK to admit that you are hurt by this because, whether you like to admit it or not, you still care. Please, for your own sake (I can see your blood pressure over the top in your posts) let her go. Stop this madness. You have let it go on way too long. If you want to lead a happy and productive life, drop the hate and let her go. For you. Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 What's making me angry is hearing you tell me that I still care...That's what's making me angry. I NEVER get angry, but I've had enough of this...I am NOT crying over her. When someone *beeps* you enough times and you didn't see it coming, it hurts, sure, but you don't see me calling her up and confronting her, do you? I am passed that. I realize that it's NOT worth me extending that wasted effort on her. She will laugh and blow me off and call her guy in Jersey, or her ex (bf) to get some console.... All I am doing here is venting..You never stop caring completely and when you find out more and more, when you didn't want to, I mean what? Do you expect me to laugh this off??? I was going to contact her regarding the money and work something out, seeing I work for a bank and preferred not to send her checks (traceable), but after yestetdays double whammy, I can't bear to hear her voice and so, I have to send her checks... Yes, I am angry Annie. I am NOT angry at you, or at her, or at these guys. I am angry at ME!!!! Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Dont get caught up in the details of why she left, and as far as your reliable source goes, its not like it matters, she broke up with you and her reasons are her own. You have seen time and time again what this girl can and has done to you but you never learned and always went back to her. I will say that you have put yourself in this situation because you ignored her previous actions. If she wants to leave then let her leave, after all it is her choice to do so. There is no point in getting emotional over what has happened because its over and you need to move on. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Do you expect me to laugh this off??? Someone you are over is dating her ex, whom she said was an abusive stalker. If you are over her, than yes, you would laugh. You would say something like, "oh well, guess she gets what she deserves." drop it, and forget about it. Forgive yourself, it has nothing to do with you, the relationship is over. You have no more stakes in it, nothing invested. People vent when they are angry. If you're not angry, don't worry about this anymore. Deep breath, reboot, and move on. Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Dan... It is quite ok to think of doing this....you are hurt, and the feelings are raw right now. ..but please think this over before you act on anything. Remember..every action has a reaction. ..but in THIS case there be may be NO reaction, so just remember it could backfire in your face. What is you are hoping for? To piss her off? To make her blow up? What are you hoping to achieve by doing this? Be honest with yourself here...you are in NO way over this woman. Look at the reaction she is bringing out in you. If you were "over" her...you would be able to react with complete indifference. Now is NOT the time to try to contact her because you are feeling completely out of control. Be angry, be upset..just try NOT to project that to her. Do you realize how many OTHER ways you could get to her ...without even trying? Dan...sometimes the HARDEST thing to do is just walk away... but sometimes it is the ONLY thing to do, and still maintain your dignity and self confidence. Your ex does not even deserve to know if you have another girlfriend, or if you are with someone...and her SEEING it will not change what SHE did to you. She is STILL doing the same thing. This is about that...don't take your focus off what this is about. You will never change her....she has way too many problems. Stop trying to "one up" her..or "up the ante"...it doesn't change a thing. Use that energy and turn it inward...because really it is ALL you can do. Anything else is going to destroy you even more... Please don't react now. Link to comment
simon_uk Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Danimal! Why even bother with the money? Just forget it man! if she gave it you, she gave it you. Would you think about giving her any other gift back? or cards or any other significant item? Just forget the money. My ex left me the day after I purchased a bed for her, she still owes me the money, I need it but I'll be damned if I contact her for it. Besides she gave me money in the past. A relationsip is about giving and sharing, I feel she gave me something and the bed is me giving her something. I am not happy that she did it like that but fu&k it! I say you do the same, you must have given her a lot in your relationship and she GAVE you money. Leave it at that, even if she asks for it! Fu&k it, she GAVE it you because she loved you and wanted to help. Just because you dont love somebody anymore you dont take back gifts, that is pathetic. Another thing I still have a lot of my ex's clothes and belongings, again if she wants them she can make arrangements to get them. You are setting yourself up for more pain and heartache with this whole money scenario. You DO NOT need to clear your conscience by giving it back. It was a gift, treat it as such and forget contacting her for ANYTHING! Dan I have read your messages to other people and you give great advice. Time to take some, I am sure you would be the first to say DO NOT CONTACT her for anything!!!!! Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Guys, I am not looking to react... Darth Vader, how have I stopped in wanting to let go..Some of you are jumping on this board (this post) and assuming that I want my ex back and am crying over the loss of her and the betrayal and that I can't live without her and am desperately looking for a way to get her back and prove to her that I am worthy and on and on.... NO, I am NOT!!!! As you know, until yesterday, I did NOT even bring up my own personal life on here. I was here to help others. I unfortunately found out some very disturbing news. One piece of it I suspected and the other was new, but nevertheless, before having found this out, I was regrouped enough to pick up a phone, be civil, calm and businesslike and discuss the money issue, but after having found out and now at fear of sounding incredibly redundant, I NO LONGER want to hear her voice, but I still have this link, which is something I can't do very much about... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Danimal - if you purchased the engagement ring, but the engagement got called off, depending on where you live, the law may require her to give back the ring. That is because legally, an engagement ring is considered a "conditional gift" on the condition that the wedding actually goes through. But, you went to law school, so you should know that. Actually - it sounds like you shouldn't even bother sending her money, in that case. Pawn her stuff. She owes you $2000 or the ring back. Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 No No No!!!! Simon, Annie, I know you guys mean well and this is my whole point. I am not the vengeful, eye for an eye, or too much pride type guy. I WILL be the better man and give her the money, she started claiming was money she leant me and NOT gave me, which is ridiculous, but then again, she is ridiculous. I will pay her back, because I choose to do so and not because she feels it's rightfully hers, or whatever her bs reasoning is... I will walk away the bigger and better person, knowing I did the right thing, for me and my own values.. Dan Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 No - read what I wrote again. She OWES YOU $2000!! And you said what she gave you was a gift!!! Put down the checkbook. Go to the pawn shop. Or eBay. What you are doing isn't "making you the bigger man." You owe her nothing. Link to comment
heartbroken23 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I agree with annie...bro she SCREWED you over numerous times.....F her about the Money. She owes you for the ring...consider things even. Forget about the money bro....DO NOT PAY HER THE $$$$. She deserves everyuthing that happens to her. Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Annie, that's not the way I look at it....I know I don't owe her nothing, as she claimed to me that she owes me nothing either when I told her that I valued her in my life... I WANT to pay her the money...I don't want her walking away thinking, HA, that guy never lived up to his word. If only I would have known 3 years ago that all of these strings would have been attached and she would have held it over my head. I want it off my conscience... Link to comment
heartbroken23 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Dan, Whi cares if she thinks that.....why do you want to do what is "right" to someone that has "wronged" you so many times and treated you the way she treated you? To be a better person? F that!!! F her!!! Link to comment
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