DarkCh0c0 Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 1 hour ago, yogacat said: The thing is, I am not looking to settle down. So, maybe that makes me a bit more susceptible to stranger danger in the form of a traveling penis. 😂 You're not looking to settle down, yet he's paying for a return plane ticket to see you? 🤔 Yikes... Definitely sounds like a traveling penis problem 😆 The things men will do for sex! 😄 Then again, who knows. Be safe x 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 1 hour ago, yogacat said: Of course. One never knows for sure. Albeit, my cousin matched with a woman on Tinder (of all places) he is a Naval pilot and matched with her because of a mutual love of skiing. They're married now with children, she moved to be closer to him. The thing is, I am not looking to settle down. So, maybe that makes me a bit more susceptible to stranger danger in the form of a traveling penis. 😂 My ex, we consummated several months in. So, it wasn't unless I made it official. Obviously no one ever knows for sure. In this particular circumstance I’d avoid meeting him. If he ever happens to be in your city or you in his I mean then sure. I met an ENA person many years ago who lived far from me and I met her because we happened to be visiting her city. We’d been in touch for years. And had she said she wanted to fly to meet me I’d have felt very uncomfortable even though it was a platonic friend. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 3 minutes ago, Batya33 said: In this particular circumstance I’d avoid meeting him. Likewise. @yogacat will you agree to his visit? Have you guys video called before? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 6 Author Share Posted June 6 5 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said: You're not looking to settle down, yet he's paying for a return plane ticket to see you? 🤔 Yikes... Definitely sounds like a traveling penis problem 😆 The things men will do for sex! 😄 Then again, who knows. Be safe x Oops, that came out wrong on my end (traveling penis).😄 What I meant was I feel because I am not looking to have casual sex nor settle down that perhaps I am more of an easy target for perhaps maybe someone looking for a bit of fun. Not saying that it is the case here because I don't know. I think if I agree for him to fly to see me I will want to have a few video chat first. Which, we have not yet had. He said he wants to take me on a proper date and it's just dinner. I don't know... I think I'll give it some more time for him to actually make an effort for a video call. If it seems genuine then I will consider meeting in person. And if he's not willing to video call, well, then it's a no go. He seems respectful for the most part and I definitely am not against meeting new people or making new friends but then again how much can one tell from just casually chatting with them. But safety always comes first. x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 10 hours ago, yogacat said: He seems respectful for the most part and I definitely am not against meeting new people or making new friends but then again how much can one tell from just casually chatting with them. But safety always comes first. x If you're simply not against making new friends - then please don't attempt it by having someone fly 3000 miles to meet you in person -be his online friend and make local friends. Surely you can find someone locally who you find interesting as a person and want to explore a friendship. Anecdotally-I'm trying to be more social again. I have a neighbor -she's probably 10 years younger than me and has a daughter 4 years younger than my son. I've known her for years -she lives one floor down. I got to know her and her husband some when we all waited at the same school bus stop for a few years some years ago. She's very smart, positive, always pleasant and slightly standoffish but more in a - does this make sense -cultural way given where she is from. Not personally. We run into each other fairly often -she hates to drive so we catch each other running errands as pedestrians! I decided - since I like to get outside to run an errand or a made up errand to get some fresh air -that I'd ask her if she wanted to meet up flexibly when we're both around afternoons for a walk in our park or similar. She used to go running with our former neighbor and she runs in the morning (which is when I exercise too but that's not a good arrangement). Surprisingly -she said yes she'd love to - and I will follow up or she will. It was -a little awkward asking - but I'm glad I reached out - I realized -sometimes the person is literally one floor down but you forget or you're not willing to make the effort and reach out. By contrast I've had an online friend for years now who I connected with through a real life friend. She lives far but comes to my city from time to time for her hobby. We haven't yet been able to connect but might meet later this month. I'd feel uncomfortable if she was making a special trip to meet me - especially since I cannot reciprocate. But it will be fun to meet her in person -however we already have an established friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 I'd seriously doubt the word of anyone who wants to fly 3000 miles to simply have dinner. Regardless of his expectations, that's way too desperate and sketchy for me. With millions of people in the world, I'd aim closer. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 6 Author Share Posted June 6 4 hours ago, catfeeder said: I'd seriously doubt the word of anyone who wants to fly 3000 miles to simply have dinner. Regardless of his expectations, that's way too desperate and sketchy for me. With millions of people in the world, I'd aim closer. This is the second or third time it's happened, where a man has offered to fly long distance. You could be right. Who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 2 hours ago, yogacat said: This is the second or third time it's happened, where a man has offered to fly long distance. You could be right. Who knows. For me it would have happened many more times but I avoided communicating with men from long distance with very rare exception - I am contacted about once a month by men on FB -if that is their real photo -who are handsome and long distance according to the profile so I assume some of them might offer -but I block them immediately unless I think I might know them then sometimes I respond if the initial message was appropriate and I think I know the person professionally etc -but 99.9% of the time I block. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 2 hours ago, yogacat said: This is the second or third time it's happened, where a man has offered to fly long distance. You could be right. Who knows. What might motivate a person to seek a 'connection' with a barrier of thousands of miles? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 6 Author Share Posted June 6 23 minutes ago, Batya33 said: For me it would have happened many more times but I avoided communicating with men from long distance with very rare exception - I am contacted about once a month by men on FB -if that is their real photo -who are handsome and long distance according to the profile so I assume some of them might offer -but I block them immediately unless I think I might know them then sometimes I respond if the initial message was appropriate and I think I know the person professionally etc -but 99.9% of the time I block. Two of them were people of friends or acquaintances in real life (offline) and the other wasn't, so, I don't know what to think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 4 minutes ago, yogacat said: Two of them were people of friends or acquaintances in real life (offline) and the other wasn't, so, I don't know what to think. What I would think is that a male willing to travel thousands of miles to meet a female he doesn't know most likely is motivated by sex. Secondarily it might be some sort of crime/scam or even cult. It's not just to make a new friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 6 Author Share Posted June 6 5 minutes ago, Batya33 said: What I would think is that a male willing to travel thousands of miles to meet a female he doesn't know most likely is motivated by sex. Secondarily it might be some sort of crime/scam or even cult. It's not just to make a new friend. Well, not necessarily, one time a co-worker reached out to me, her husband's best friend saw a photo of me and my profile and comments on her feed, and he asked her if she could check with me if was alright that he reach out to me (he was local). The other guy lived a bit from me (not across country) but he knew my family member and we knew each other that way. But, this man that I wrote about doesn't know me from Adam so of course I am questioning it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 45 minutes ago, yogacat said: Well, not necessarily, one time a co-worker reached out to me, her husband's best friend saw a photo of me and my profile and comments on her feed, and he asked her if she could check with me if was alright that he reach out to me (he was local). The other guy lived a bit from me (not across country) but he knew my family member and we knew each other that way. But, this man that I wrote about doesn't know me from Adam so of course I am questioning it. Right -but that's too far removed -your co-worker's husband's friend -who reacted to a photo of you -but he was local -right? So that's not traveling far to meet you. The other guy who knew your family - that's understandable. I wrote above -before you filled in the facts -that if a male is willing to travel for a female he doesn't know at all 3000 miles. To me if it's a family introduction it's different. Adds a layer of authenticity and safety. I met a distant cousin a few times at family functions and had a small crush on him. He lived in Canada and then moved to the states but far from me. In the 1990s I think we were in touch and if he'd offered to come visit I'd have been happy! At the time -or shortly after -his sister started the same grad program I was in and I also knew one of his other cousins who lived near me. (Now we're friends on FB). I had a vacation fling with my friend's husband's close friend. 3000 miles away. We talked briefly about trying to date long distance and knew it just wasn't feasible - but if he'd offered to come visit me I'd have been good with it -I lived in a major city -as did he -and I'm sure he had friends he could stay with. Or if he'd said he was in my city -did I want to meet for dinner-sure. I hung out with him for 2-3 days plus we had the mutual friends. I wrote about your particular circumstance. I don't think it's strange at all for men on dating sites to offer to meet you from a distance - since you're open to chatting with men who live far away. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graphicdesigner Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 13 hours ago, Batya33 said: For me it would have happened many more times but I avoided communicating with men from long distance with very rare exception - I am contacted about once a month by men on FB -if that is their real photo -who are handsome and long distance according to the profile so I assume some of them might offer -but I block them immediately unless I think I might know them then sometimes I respond if the initial message was appropriate and I think I know the person professionally etc -but 99.9% of the time I block. Look out for those types of men, especially on Facebook. If they seem too good looking and too good to be true, then they probably are. And inevitably, they ALL seem to be from another country. First thing I do before I start chatting with anyone or agree to match with them, I take their pics and place it into Google reverse images, and most of the time, those pics come up from somewhere else on the web. Most likely a false person that they stole their pics from. Beware of catfishing on these sites. I've caught many. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 11 minutes ago, graphicdesigner said: Look out for those types of men, especially on Facebook. If they seem too good looking and too good to be true, then they probably are. And inevitably, they ALL seem to be from another country. First thing I do before I start chatting with anyone or agree to match with them, I take their pics and place it into Google reverse images, and most of the time, those pics come up from somewhere else on the web. Most likely a false person that they stole their pics from. Beware of catfishing on these sites. I've caught many. Sure. I've received similar messages on social media before, and I always just delete them. This person is someone I connected with through a shared hobby online, and we've casually corresponded one-on-one for about a month now. There was not any romantic undertones to our conversations INITIALLY. I would respond politely and directly, making it clear that I am not looking to date long distance and would like to keep our interactions strictly platonic. After a bit, he mentioned wanting to take me on a proper date, I said maybe if I lived closer I'd be open to it, he said, he'd fly to me and that it's just a dinner with two people for the first time, it's not a big deal that way etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 2 hours ago, yogacat said: Sure. I've received similar messages on social media before, and I always just delete them. This person is someone I connected with through a shared hobby online, and we've casually corresponded one-on-one for about a month now. There was not any romantic undertones to our conversations INITIALLY. I would respond politely and directly, making it clear that I am not looking to date long distance and would like to keep our interactions strictly platonic. After a bit, he mentioned wanting to take me on a proper date, I said maybe if I lived closer I'd be open to it, he said, he'd fly to me and that it's just a dinner with two people for the first time, it's not a big deal that way etc. I've given my opinion and from the additional information he is not looking for strictly platonic. I don't date my friends. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 3 hours ago, graphicdesigner said: Look out for those types of men, especially on Facebook. If they seem too good looking and too good to be true, then they probably are. And inevitably, they ALL seem to be from another country. First thing I do before I start chatting with anyone or agree to match with them, I take their pics and place it into Google reverse images, and most of the time, those pics come up from somewhere else on the web. Most likely a false person that they stole their pics from. Beware of catfishing on these sites. I've caught many. I'm not sure why you responded to me. I block and delete. Immediately. If we have mutual friends or I believe I know the person the most I will do is respond and ask if we know each other and/or if he knows my husband. When I was on dating sites many years ago I noticed attractive men as I am human. My focus was not on finding hot looking men. So I often avoided any trolls, etc and my search parameters were local. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 On 6/5/2024 at 8:45 PM, yogacat said: He seems respectful for the most part and I definitely am not against meeting new people or making new friends but then again how much can one tell from just casually chatting with them. You lead a busy life, so even as you're not looking for a serious romance and are welcoming new friends, I'd consider quality over what'll end up as sporadic likes on Facebook etc. after that initial get-together. Or long video chats where instead you could be having fun locally with friends on outings. I no longer live in the two different states where I spent my early childhood, and then my teen years. In my experience, even with friends I've had histories with, lost contact with, and then reconnected because of social media, the experiences resulted in the fun of reconnection. We had fun catching up, I saw them on visits while visiting relatives in that state, but because we didn't live locally and couldn't reestablish regularly hanging out, it's now like I said; liking each other's posts on FB. I've never known a good looking guy who has his crap together who would be seeking friendship or romance thousands of miles away. That's an expensive and dumb way to find love and friendship. When things don't make sense, there's a reason. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 On 6/8/2024 at 7:21 AM, Andrina said: I've never known a good looking guy who has his crap together who would be seeking friendship or romance thousands of miles away. That's an expensive and dumb way to find love and friendship. When things don't make sense, there's a reason. Thanks. I don't think he was necessarily seeking anything specifically with me online. We just happen to banter back and forth for a few months and I thought he was a nice person who seemed intelligent, cool, and respectful. I probably should've stopped participating in that banter over a month ago... I reached out to someone I befriended that I went on one date with and I didn't feel chemistry but he's open to going hiking with me. I just need to get my back stronger (developed acute sciatica from overextending my core walking some pretty intense hills) first and foremost... I never thought I'd get injured. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 3 minutes ago, yogacat said: Thanks. I don't think he was necessarily seeking anything specifically with me online. We just happen to banter back and forth for a few months and I thought he was a nice person who seemed intelligent, cool, and respectful. I probably should've stopped participating in that banter over a month ago... I reached out to someone I befriended that I went on one date with and I didn't feel chemistry but he's open to going hiking with me. I just need to get my back stronger (developed acute sciatica from overextending my core walking some pretty intense hills) first and foremost... I never thought I'd get injured. I had a lower back injury during pandemic likely from power walking all outside and many hills. I bought an old school book on back stretches and have been doing them most days for a couple of years. No recurrence but I’m also much more careful with how I align my spine when going uphill especially when wheeling heavy groceries behind me. Hope you feel better! I agree with all who posted that no one travels that far to meet a woman (or a straight woman to meet a man ) just to make a new friend. Or if no romance in mind it’s either a financial scam, some kind of criminal activity or he is mentally unstable. With extremely rare exception cause I guess anything is possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 1 hour ago, Batya33 said: I had a lower back injury during pandemic likely from power walking all outside and many hills. I bought an old school book on back stretches and have been doing them most days for a couple of years. No recurrence but I’m also much more careful with how I align my spine when going uphill especially when wheeling heavy groceries behind me. Hope you feel better! I agree with all who posted that no one travels that far to meet a woman (or a straight woman to meet a man ) just to make a new friend. Or if no romance in mind it’s either a financial scam, some kind of criminal activity or he is mentally unstable. With extremely rare exception cause I guess anything is possible. He could most certainly be those things you mentioned. Albeit, if he is going to fly 3,000 miles just to meet up for dinner, only to rob me and fly back....heck I'd have paid for the dinner! 🙂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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