Next step

[LINDA]

Next Saturday, I've planned me and my crush to have a date and spend time together. I've known him for five months now, and we've clicked well. But the problem is, the relationship isn't clear. I've been waiting for him to ask me to be his girlfriend for like a million times, but there's been no confirmation. I know he's kind to me and he makes me happy, and he also told me he likes me. I've been thinking that I want to take the step and tell him that I want to know if he is serious about me before going on another date. I don't want to spend more time in a situationship because I don't like it. Am I right to ask ?

[Andrina]

It's unclear what's been going on in the past 5 months. Sounds like you're just been friends since you call him your crush. But if you mean you go on dates and you have no idea if he dates other people too or not, by all means state how you want things to be. His answer will then determine if you should move ahead with him or exit the situationship.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, LINDA said:

Next Saturday, I've planned me and my crush to have a date and spend time together. I've known him for five months now, and we've clicked well. But the problem is, the relationship isn't clear. 

Are you going on regular dates? What exactly is the relationship? FWB? Are you interested in being exclusive? You can definitely bring up the exclusive conversation if you are intimate and what something more defined.

[LINDA]

9 minutes ago, Andrina said:

It's unclear what's been going on in the past 5 months. Sounds like you're just been friends since you call him your crush. But if you mean you go on dates and you have no idea if he dates other people too or not, by all means state how you want things to be. His answer will then determine if you should move ahead with him or exit the situationship.

It doesn't feel friendly to me because he keeps calling me. (While writing this, he just texted me 'Good morning, my love'.)? And when we're on dates, he always offers to pay, while if we were friends, we should split the bill. Also, he texts me every day and calls me, but I still don't know anything about his love life or anything like that. It's still unclear to me.

[Andrina]

So you don't hold hands or kiss? Perhaps he's just generous paying for the bill, even though you're a friend in his eyes.

You're just going to have to be vulnerable to some awkwardness and ask. If it were me, I'd say: I don't quite understand what's going on here. Are we just friends, or do you want this turning into romance?

He might be gay. He might be heterosexual and not be into you enough to date you. He might be shy and waiting to get a signal from you. Whatever the case, you won't know until you ask.

If he's a true friend, the awkwardness will pass and you will get your answer so you're no longer hanging out in limbo.

If he's just a friend, you'll have to try to let the crush fade, and maybe lessen the time you communicate and hang out if that prevents you from seeking out and bonding with a new love interest.

[yogacat]

Five months?  That's a pretty significant amount of time. If you've been hanging out with this person for five whole months and nothing has been said about your relationship, then it's definitely time to address it. You're not wrong to want clarity in your relationship with him. I mean, what is the alterative? You continue going on dates and spending time together without knowing where he sees this going?

FTR, none of my LTRS, did we have that kind of ambiguity.

Now, I know it can be scary to initiate this type of conversation. Trust me, I've been there. But the longer you wait, the more invested you become, which can make it harder to have this talk. So, it's best to address it sooner rather than later.

Otherwise, you start to feel like you're in a complicated situationship, which sucks. It might feel a little awkward to ask him flat out about where he sees your relationship going because it's always tough to put yourself out there, and you put yourself in a position to get rejected.

[smackie9]

Good lord just be honest with him and ask him. Me personally wouldn't have waited 5 months.

[Batya33]

Is this the person you previously posted about who told you he wasn't interested in a relationship?

[Capricorn3]

12 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Is this the person you previously posted about who told you he wasn't interested in a relationship?

I was wondering the same thing.  Is this the guy you were "testing"?  If so, I recall he maybe wasn't too interested - I got the impression it's more friendship rather than romantic interest.

[LINDA]

Good day to you all, and thank you for your input. I rewrote the post and deleted the last one; it's the same guy I mentioned before, and I feel bad about testing him. I feel I need more courage to ask him directly, and I guess I made it. Yesterday, I asked him to meet for coffee before our date because I wanted to talk to him and make things clear. So, I gathered all the energy I had and told him everything on my mind. He was surprised because he thought it was clear for him that he treated me as a girlfriend; he was just taking things slowly and didn't want to rush me. He said that I'm definitely the girl he wants to spend his life with. Also, he said that he's sorry for making me confused all this time and that he will try to be more direct. We ended up having our first kiss FINALLY

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, LINDA said:

Good day to you all, and thank you for your input. I rewrote the post and deleted the last one; it's the same guy I mentioned before, and I feel bad about testing him. I feel I need more courage to ask him directly, and I guess I made it. Yesterday, I asked him to meet for coffee before our date because I wanted to talk to him and make things clear. So, I gathered all the energy I had and told him everything on my mind. He was surprised because he thought it was clear for him that he treated me as a girlfriend; he was just taking things slowly and didn't want to rush me. He said that I'm definitely the girl he wants to spend his life with. Also, he said that he's sorry for making me confused all this time and that he will try to be more direct. We ended up having our first kiss FINALLY

Great news!

[smackie9]

5 hours ago, LINDA said:

Good day to you all, and thank you for your input. I rewrote the post and deleted the last one; it's the same guy I mentioned before, and I feel bad about testing him. I feel I need more courage to ask him directly, and I guess I made it. Yesterday, I asked him to meet for coffee before our date because I wanted to talk to him and make things clear. So, I gathered all the energy I had and told him everything on my mind. He was surprised because he thought it was clear for him that he treated me as a girlfriend; he was just taking things slowly and didn't want to rush me. He said that I'm definitely the girl he wants to spend his life with. Also, he said that he's sorry for making me confused all this time and that he will try to be more direct. We ended up having our first kiss FINALLY

Remember this moment...communicate always if you want your relationship/marriage to be successful.