Confused on what to do or say.

[Dunny]

My girlfriend/fiance have been having a bunch of issues and it came to a head Friday. She contacted my ex and asked questions so I went to do the same yet her ex turned around and told her entire family, she said the only way to solve the problem was to get rid of me.....yet she still talks to me every day, texts or calls. Says there's still a chance as long as we are communicating. I try to communicate but she always turns hostile. 

Today alone i just sent her a message saying "hey im going out for a bit but you can still message me."

Her response was "Uhm okay have fun doing whatever"

I want to find a way to fix this and show her this is worth it but I'm not sure shes being responsive.

[ShySoul]

Think it would be useful to have more context. What is the nature of the issues you've been having? Why would she feel the need to contact your ex? Does the ex have anything to do with these problems? And why would your response be to retaliate by contacting her ex? Did you really think that was going to help anything? You should have been working with your fiance to fix things and talking it out then, not playing games. 

At this point it seems she is torn. She still cares about you or she would have stopped talking entirely. But whatever is going on has caused her to be hurt and upset. She has doubts if this really is worth it. So is it? The only way to fix it is to find the root of the issue and work through it. So what is that root? If it's something you did, you have to own up to it and show her you are sorry and are trying to make up for it. 

[Dunny]

The issues initially started because she had been not keeping plans and having what felt like flakey reasons so i asked if the relationship meant anything after the 10th time. I have no real reason why she originally contacted my ex but my ex really tried to drive a wedge between us and it worked a bit. Shes said theres still a chance depending on how i am. 

When i contacted her ex i thought it could go both ways which wad stupid of me and i have accepted and apologized up and down for that. I have taken responsibility for my actions and apologized up and down.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Dunny said:

She contacted my ex and asked questions so I went to do the same

If she is messy and does stuff like that you dont have to be that messy too. There was no need for you to contact her ex in any form. But there was a need to just cut your girlfriend completely after that unacceptable behavior. Because as you can see, at the end, she got rid of you and it was your fault in her eyes. Which would probably happen either way to be fair, people without accountability do that kind of stuff regardless. But you didnt need to be the same as her. Next time when you see that kind of behavior, dont repeat it on your own but just cut it completely. 

[MissCanuck]

22 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

If she is messy and does stuff like that you dont have to be that messy too. There was no need for you to contact her ex in any form. But there was a need to just cut your girlfriend completely after that unacceptable behavior.

I totally agree.

This sounds toxic and dysfunctional all around, OP. Please step back and ask yourself if you really want to sign up for a lifetime of this. 

[Dunny]

7 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

If she is messy and does stuff like that you dont have to be that messy too. There was no need for you to contact her ex in any form. But there was a need to just cut your girlfriend completely after that unacceptable behavior. Because as you can see, at the end, she got rid of you and it was your fault in her eyes. Which would probably happen either way to be fair, people without accountability do that kind of stuff regardless. But you didnt need to be the same as her. Next time when you see that kind of behavior, dont repeat it on your own but just cut it completely. 

I agree with you on somethings yet she technically didn't "get rid" of me as she was here a few days later kissing me and telling me she loved me. 

Its just odd all around 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Dunny said:

. She contacted my ex and asked questions so I went to do the same yet her ex turned around and told her entire family, she said the only way to solve the problem was to get rid of me.....

How long have you been dating? How old is she? Why are you contacting each other's exes? What exactly are the issues in the relationship. Why are you letting your ex "drive a wedge between you"?  What exactly is the problem that she feels "getting rid of you" is the only solution for? 

[Dunny]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is she? Why are you contacting each other's exes? What exactly are the issues in the relationship. Why are you letting your ex "drive a wedge between you"?  What exactly is the problem that she feels "getting rid of you" is the only solution for? 

We've been together for a few months. She is 32 and I don't know why she contacted my ex. I however was stupid and felt it could go both ways.

My ex was causing a wedge by messaging me and telling me my girlfriend is messed in the head (she is the mother of my kids) and I would defend my girlfriend yet my ex would tell her I was talking about her.

She said I caused too many problems with contacting her ex and the only way to solve it was if I was out of her life.

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Dunny said:

We've been together for a few months. My ex is the mother of my kids. She said I caused too many problems with contacting her ex and the only way to solve it was if I was out of her life.

Dating a few months is the getting to know you stage and so far there's an inordinate amount of drama. 

Perhaps your new GF is correct. The only way to resolve this is to set yourselves free.  Have you broken up ? If not please consider it now. 

Please focus on your children's well-being and an appropriate coparenting arrangement with your children's mother.

Getting even by contacting your new GFs ex seems hostile and counterproductive. Please focus on your children. You don't seem ready to date if you are at war with your ex. 

 

 

[Dunny]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Dating a few months is the getting to know you stage and so far there's an inordinate amount of drama. 

Perhaps your new GF is correct. The only way to resolve this is to set yourselves free.  Have you broken up ? If not please consider it now. 

Please focus on your children's well-being and an appropriate coparenting arrangement with your children's mother.

Getting even by contacting your new GFs ex seems hostile and counterproductive. Please focus on your children. You don't seem ready to date if you are at war with your ex. 

 

 

My ex and i had broken up over 4 years ago. She has a new boyfriend and a fourth child. My girlfriend or ex was and is great with my kids as she has met them and spent lots of time with them. I am unsure as to what is going on with my girlfriend and i and she feels the same way.

She has a backstory which is her personal details but she has been through a lot in her life and I can understand why and how she can lose trust easily. I don't fault her for anything at all.

This is all an underlying issue that my ex likes to create. 

[Wiseman2]

If you are going to involve new GFs in your children's lives this early on, you'll need to get along better with your children's mother. It's your responsibility to get along with her and tone down the drama. Being vindictive toward your new GF/now ex backfired . 

[MissCanuck]

You've only been dating a few months and yet she is already your finaceé and spending lots of time with your kids? 

Man, slow down. No wonder this is crashing and burning. You two rushed and signed on the dotted line before you really got to know each other. Where is your better judgement here? 

[boltnrun]

And now your kids will have more disruption in their lives.

I don't understand why you had to rush this relationship. What's the big hurry?