Should i give this another try

[Belldandy]

Hello everyone. Thank you to everyone in this forum. Im at a lost what to do. My boyfriend (bf) and i are going through a rough patch. We started seeing each other June 2023 and became an exclusive couple Sept 2023.  I thought things are going great when in November i called him and he was in a car with his friends. I asked him a couple days later, "Did your friends ask who you were in the phone with?". He said, "Yes. I told my friend she's someone i visit regularly in Vancouver.". That hurt me because that was the best he could come up with. 

Ive never met any of his friends. His family is overseas. But no one among his friends and family (except his bestfriend) knows about me. He never took me to any of the Christmas parties he attended in December. Since November, we've been having fights weekly. It could be about not introducing me to his friends. Sometimes its about not spending enough time. When my mom wasnt here yet from overseas, he'd sleep over 1-2 times a week. He'd text at 1030pm and ask if he can sleepover then go home at 8am the following morning because we both had work. He's very family oriented and it took him some time to open up about his family and personal life.  He's very private. He is also very shy. He cant even kiss me or hold hands while at the mall.  But is very affectionate when its just us. 

Mid January this year he heard from his family back home about a difficult family problem and since then, he's been feeling down. Not in the mood to talk or spend time together. It took him 2 days to finally open up to me what their problem was and i was happy he trusts me. Since then though and our frequent arguments, he said im negative. I asked him if we can have a day or time of the week to spend time together. He said "im busy Monday to Friday. Saturday i have basketball and Sundays are for church duties". So i said to him, "Then how about me?" He didnt say anything. He just keeps saying his mind is clouded because of his family issues. We argued a few days ago and i asked him why does he not want to spend time with me? He said,"and for what? We'll just fight". He said i trigger him. I told him it might be time then to end this relationship if all i do is trigger him. He then said i make him happy and said it a couple times. He said "ok Saturday morning we'll spend time". I said no more. He tried to hug and kiss me but i didnt want to anymore. I told him he acts like he can afford to lose me and he said no. I said i cant keep doing this when he doesnt seem to really want me and be with me. 

 

the following day he's texting me as if nothing happened. I didnt reply to his messages for 3 days then finally told him i hope he finds someone who will truly make him happy. Because im not that person because he said i just trigger him. 

We're still in touch. Its only been a few days since i said its time to end the relationship but he still messages. Im torn what to do. 

 

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you're struggling - I think this has been imbalanced for a long time -you are far more into him and he comes up with excuses as to why he's just not as serious about you.  I would move on and I'm sorry -you can't nag someone into caring and showing  they care more. I was surprised you even asked him what he told his friends about you - it would seem to me two people on the same wavelength wouldn't have to ask that. I hope you feel better.

[smackie9]

No ending it is the right things to do. Reality check....this guy isn't ready for a serious commitment to a relationship. He's got some growing up to do. This is why we date. To find out who they are, what they are like and see if they fulfill our expectations. He doesn't give you what you expect. He doesn't treat you like a proper Gf...he's too weird. there is so much better out there.

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Belldandy said:

. He'd text at 1030pm and ask if he can sleepover then go home at 8am  He said "im busy Monday to Friday. Saturday i have basketball and Sundays are for church.He said,"and for what? We'll just fight". He said i trigger him

Sorry this is happening. It's a lot of drama for a few months dating. Unfortunately he treats you like booty call, not a GF. 

Please trust your instincts. He doesn't want to make time for you. Please cut your losses and free yourself to find someone who wants what you want and who you don't have to chase and beg to be with you. 

Tell him it's not working, then delete and block him. There's no point dragging out this misery. 

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Belldandy said:

We're still in touch. Its only been a few days since i said its time to end the relationship but he still messages. Im torn what to do. 

You are a secret and he doesn't want anyone to know he is with you. 

This is a no-brainer: cut him off completely and block him. Either he is playing the field or already has a girlfriend, and you are the unwitting Other Woman. 

Forget about him, and please don't fall for malarkey like this again in the future.