Feeling judgemental and nervous

[CrazyWife]

So I'm moving away from two neighbours from hell. Went in by the flat we are moving into today and saw a guy who let's say looks dodgy outside the next building smoking a cigarette. He reminded slightly of the NFH.

Am I the *** for being judgemental like this or is this just moving nerves? I have had neighbours before who some may say look like 'undesirables' but got along with them the most.

I'm just scared that we will go through the same again. I know living in a city you can't escape drug users, drug dealing, noise etc but just can't go through this all again. Maybe I just need to be more positive. It is a nice area and the housing association (other flats are mainly private) said it is generally quiet with no known issues.

Is this just nerves? 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, CrazyWife said:

. It is a nice area and the housing association (other flats are mainly private) said it is generally quiet with no known issues.

Hopefully you researched the area, community and building and policies before you moved in. Whose idea was it to move?

Perhaps the last place left a bad taste and you're a bit hypervigilant at this point about residential red flags. 

All you can do is secure your home appropriately and be cordial with neighbors without getting too involved. 

[CrazyWife]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully you researched the area, community and building and policies before you moved in. Whose idea was it to move?

Perhaps the last place left a bad taste and you're a bit hypervigilant at this point about residential red flags. 

All you can do is secure your home appropriately and be cordial with neighbors without getting too involved. 

Thank you for replying. Yes researched it and it seems fine. It was mine and my husband's idea to move after nearly 3 years of hell. 

I am anxious about moving and of course there is the added stress of moving itself!

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, CrazyWife said:

I have had neighbours before who some may say look like 'undesirables' but got along with them the most.

I'd keep my focus on this ^^^. Good hearts come in all disguises.

Rather than allowing my anxiousness to prompt me into premature friendliness with new neighbors, I'd stay respectful of the fact that different people desire different degrees of privacy. So I'd allow each neighbor to approach and teach me over time the degree of engagement they'd prefer.

Might you encounter a neighbor who's not a joy? Sure, but that usually means keeping to themselves as opposed to being hostile. Generally, people don't turn hostile unless someone attempts to 'manage' their behavior. But chances are, if you have an homeowner's association that manages the 'quiet enjoyment of property,' then YOU won't feel a need to police anyone else--so you won't make enemies.

Head high, and congrats! on your new home.

[Batya33]

12 hours ago, CrazyWife said:

Thank you for replying. Yes researched it and it seems fine. It was mine and my husband's idea to move after nearly 3 years of hell. 

I am anxious about moving and of course there is the added stress of moving itself!

I hear you -moving is so stressful! We live in an apartment building for many years now and at times have had problematic neighbors -mostly barking dogs - or hanging out in the open air hallway and being noisy late at night.  Mostly ok and I am so thankful.  I hope it works out for you and I'm sorry you struggled so much at the old place.

[PamelaLetendre]

Any update?

[CrazyWife]

On 2/8/2024 at 12:29 PM, PamelaLetendre said:

Any update?

Yes we have moved and the neighbours are fin so far. Hardly see anyone and it's quiet