Her pain hurts me too, she was raped, and i cant heal her,

[Ordre Des Rois]

I have a friend who i love deeply, i would give her anything in the world. AWhen she was in middle school she was raped, and part of her feels it was her fault. I want to help her, i want to end the pain, but i cant. I want her to comfront her attacker, but she is too scared, and the rape has taken a heavy toll on her life, she too scared to tell her family, and other people who could seek legal action to put that sicko away. What can i do? I want to help her heal, she weeps, and on the inside i do too, how can i get her to put the man who took away purt if her being away for good?

[MetallicAguy]

Tell her that you can't see her like this and if there's any way to get her to overcome this and get on with her life is to tell the authorities and put this sick **** behind bars with other twisted people that are into that kind of ****.

[brando]

She definitely needs to speak to someone, she cant let him get away with what he did. I am not sure how you can convince her to tell someone... that may be difficult for her to do. Be her friend, find out all you can about rape, and maybe their will be some answer to help you get her to see what is needed to be done. Hope this helps.

[pizzachick13]

Just tell her how much you care about her and how much you want to help her get over this and get this guy put away. If he did this to her he might do it to someone else and she could stop that from happening. Myabe if she tells others might come forward and say that he did it to them aswell. Give her time and support and she'll open up and you can then help her seek help.

 

I was raped from age 8 up until 13 and I haven't sought help, but the person who did it is going to be punished for what they did to me. Take it from someone who understands what she's going through; give her time and she'll open up.

 

Sappho

[snowgirl]

It's a tough one when the victim is too ashamed to report the incident. You are a good friend for being so concerned about it. I am glad she confided in you about it. That's a start.

This is something that she needs to get through on her own terms, and she will need a lot of support. I was raped when I was 15, and found that the more I talked about it, the less pain I felt. (and the pain of it is enormous, I can tell you that). Talking to you about it might help her. Get her to open up to you about it if you can, and really listen to her and be supportive. Encourage her to get some counseling for this. It's a very serious, primal wound that she has sustained, and it's not reasonable to expect her to be able to deal with it effectively on her own. This is a really big deal. Most importantly, this is not her fault. She can hear that over and over and over, but she needs to actually believe that.

If she is able to see it from a more pragmatic angle, she will be more likely to report it. At least that's the way I see it. It's never too late to report it.

[Mr Meh]

Aside from the fact that this need to be dealt with legally, she really needs to come to terms with it. From what I've seen, rape (when not dealt with mentally) is a lifelong trauma that is often subconscious and eats away at a person's health slowly and quietly. If she can get some help to reject the idea that it is her fault and accept it was an unprovoked assault, she will be much better off in the long run.

Good luck, you're a true friend.

[chai714]

You've got great intentions here and are a true friend to her. With you being so close to her, you have the opportunity to encourage her to see a professional, since this is the only person who could truly help her heal. I wish you could do it alone, but she needs help from a professional. This type of traumatic event must be dealt with though a series of mental exercises, which only a professional can execute as he/she has the expertise to help her.

 

I'm not sure whether or not you have sympathy for the rapist, but he does need to be dealt with by the legal system - would you want this to happen to another person? I'm sure you don't. So, help her help herself, and continue supporting her throughout this unforunate, traumatic event.

[chai714]

There's also a good book out there, called, "The Courage To Heal" by Bass and Davis. There are a couple chapters for partners/supports of sexual abuse survivors. The book though as a whole, is targeted at sexual abuse survivors and helping them understand their feelings. I skimmed through this book, and from what I read, it validates their feelings and helps you understand why you feel the way you do. It got some pretty good reviews on Amazon. I also referred this book to a close friend of mine, but I'm not sure if she's read it yet.

 

If you want more info. on this book, check it out: link removed

[Ordre Des Rois]

thank you everyone, i will try, if i can get her to tell her parents, which is the hardest part.

[a beautiful disaster]

Sounds like your friend needs lots of help. Lucky for her she has a person who really cares for her- kudos to you for being a wonderful friend! But unfortunately it is very hard to prove a rape case the longer it goes unreported (physical evidence diminishes almost completely). Yes, I think she should still attempt to put him behind bars, but it would be a very hard emotional experience for her to go through. I think what she needs to do first is get some help for herself, like from a counsellor or therapist. She is letting this experience destroy her, and she desperately needs to heal from this! She needs to see that this wasn't her fault. Do her parents know, or another adult? Encourage her to speak to a counsellor or her parents, or she can call the rape hotline and ask for their assistance (1-800-656-HOPE). They can find help for her (counselling etc. . .) in her area. Good luck, and just remember that she needs your support right now more than ever!

[newts]

Your intentions are truly honourable and I admire you for being such a good friend. Hopefully there will come a time in her life where she will seek help, all you can do is be there for her, it is only her that can move forward. Hopefully because you are such a good friend she will find your courage and go and seek professional help. Putting this criminal through the legal system can often me more damaging for the victim than the actual offender. So baby steps, one day at a time, the first thing she needs to do is get professional councelling fro herself, and worry about the monster that did this to her when she is ready.

[hurtwou]

ok...I was raped about 2 years ago, and I was stupid...I didnt tell anyone until about 6 months ago, and I couldnt do anything about it because I had no proof.....I lost trust in all guys because of this....and Ill never forget it. What you need to do is be a good friend too her.....tell her to tell someone....not to be afraid or embarrassed it wasnt her fault....What she really needs to do is tell someone the guys name and what he did, so he cant do it again