Did I really screw this up or he just not interested , please help I need advice

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

Some are doing it because they like interacting online and having online friendships or "romances."  As we all know, some people  have Internet girl / boyfriends who they never will be face to face with.  They can present themselves in any way they like, since they won't have to be seen in person. They like it this way.   

I bet most of these folks do not tell anyone that "this is online only, we will never meet" because they themselves are wrapped up in the fantasy of having a "relationship" and don't want to acknowledge to themselves, much less the other person / people, that it's exclusively virtual.   Especially if their catfishing goes to the extent of using pictures that aren't them.

In other words, call it entertaining a relationship with a scammer… 

These virtual relationships often last for years, I think this is so dangerous. 

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, Evami said:

why he isn’t dating locally  

And why aren't you?

There must be thousands of young men who live closer than five hours away by airplane who can hold interesting conversations. You have to make efforts to meet more people because a true match isn't something we just find on every street corner. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

These virtual relationships often last for years, I think this is so dangerous. 

I dunno, if they are happy and it's enhancing their life in some form or fashion, why the hell not?

It's definitely NOT for me, but I did a Google search of this once and there are literally 100s of couples in such "cyber relationships," and even cyber marriages! 

After reading about, I do believe there is a true connection, mental and emotional.  Obviously not a true physical connection but there is sex involved via Skype or FT.

Their time together (dates) are spent on video, they eat meals together at home, dine out together, watch movies together, go shopping together etc all on video. 

Some of these relationships and marriages have lasted YEARS and they claim to be very happy; they have never met in person.

There was a movie a few years ago called "Her" with Joaqain Phoenix.  He had a "virtual" girlfriend, they even went on double dates with his friends!  

"Her" was not even real, she was a computer-generated female voice he created through an app.

Again, NONE of this is for me, I desire and need a physical connection where we spend time in person.

But everyone has different needs and I also think social anxiety or some sort of phobia (i.e. agoraphobia) may have a play in why such relationships are appealing to some people.

With regard to @Evamisituation, it IS dangerous as this man shows very little interest in her, and her hope is to meet in person which is unlikely to ever happen. 

 

 

[Batya33]

In this situation she is not in a cyber romantic relationship even assuming that is a valid way to interact. She’s typing and talking to a stranger and creating a relationship in her head and struggling and stressing as a result. It’s unhealthy for her.
And  no I don’t think cyber romantic relationships or “marriages” are real and I don’t think people who choose to interact in this way should put themselves in any category that would include married or committed couples. Feelings are real. I can have feelings for a person, a person online who is more than one person, a cat , a flower , a ladybug.
Doesn’t mean that my feelings mean I am in a committed romantic relationship with a person I’ve never met in person. Or that my fantasies make it so. Or that my label makes it so. 
I have real and close friendships with women I’ve never met in person and I had a close friend who was my penpal as a teenager  we never met  I think those friendships are real  I don’t think two people can have a romantic committed relationship without meeting in person and knowing each other well in person including intimately  whether they have intercourse or not  but yes intimately  emotionally and physically  

i think the OP should avoid all these sorts of interactions because she develops an unhealthy attachment, it’s potentially very unsafe for her in several ways and she’s using it as a crutch. 

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

this situation she is not in a cyber romantic relationship...

I agree, see last paragraph of my previous post.

It's completely different, my response was only in response to @Sindy_0311post about virtual relationships (cyber relationships).

[Batya33]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

I agree, see last paragraph of my previous post.

It's completely different, my response was only in response to @Sindy_0311post about virtual relationships (cyber relationships).

Yes. I’m concerned your response will impact her decision to continue this unsafe interaction with the online stranger. She seems fragile and vulnerable to that. 

[rainbowsandroses]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes. I’m concerned your response will impact her decision to continue this unsafe interaction with the online stranger. She seems fragile and vulnerable to that. 

I don't see how it would, it's a completely different situation, she hopes to meet in person, that's her goal, not a virtual relationship.

Heck they've never even had a video call and it's doubtful he ever will.

 

 

 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't see how it would, it's a completely different situation, she hopes to meet in person, that's her goal, not a virtual relationship.

 

 

Yes. So she says. I don’t think she wants that badly enough.  If she did she wouldn’t be in contact with him. I think if he makes some excuse why he can’t meet on the vague timing she mentioned she will continue to interact with him online. 

[Evami]

7 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

ituation, she hopes to meet in person, that's her goal, not a virtual relationship

Yea I have no interest in a virtual relation , I want to meet him in person. But I don’t think that will happen looking how he ignore even my texts even when it’s a weekend and I know he if off 

[Evami]

9 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Why do you want to give him space? I think he is already having all the space he needs… seems like you let him have total control over the pace of your conversations. Y

I don’t know what else to do , initially he will text me with long texts and many details and then little by little that start to fade 

i thought not sending many text and double texting was a better approche , I didn’t want to come off too needy and pushy and scare him away , so I answer him and I wait for him to respond for me to text again .

i did initiate conversation few times but mostly was him. And now he won’t even text when he is off like today . 
and for me to even tell him we need to face time or talk in the phone I need him at least to answer , 

i just don’t know what to text or what to tell him anymore. Ask him how is he doing or how was his day ? I already did that last time and he didn’t answer with one work all he did is sending a selfie!,I don’t know what to say , I feel like I missed up after that sarcastic text and maybe he is mad about it and I just  I don’t know what’s going on in his life right now  , I don’t find him connected even in the app where we met , rarely I see him on it and when i do usually just for like 5 or 10 min m, additionally that we aren’t even on the same time zone ( 3 h )   and don’t really know if he really has asperges and that may affect him , and   I don’t want to come off desperate and push him even more away .  So I just let him be 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Evami said:

I have no interest in a virtual relation , I want to meet him in person. But I don’t think that will happen looking how he ignore even my texts even when it’s a weekend and I know he if off 

Please take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. This IS a virtual situation. Nothing more. Only you can set yourself free from this. His life doesn't revolve around you, but you've chained yourself to the phone waiting for communication. 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Evami said:

I feel like I missed up after that sarcastic text and maybe he is mad about it

This is really unlikley. 

That message is not what put the brakes on this, because he was already letting it fizzle. I doubt your text affected him that much. Someone would have to be a lot more interested to begin with in order for that to be true but this was already on its way to fading out. 

Stop being so hard in yourself about that. I think you need to just let this whole idea go since he doesn't seem to be that interested in maintaining a connection. 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Evami said:

Yea I have no interest in a virtual relation , I want to meet him in person. But I don’t think that will happen looking how he ignore even my texts even when it’s a weekend and I know he if off 

Your actions tell me you've prolonged this and have no specific plans to meet - April is a whole month - what are the specific plans and how involved is he in making them?- and your reactions to his ignoring for this long make me question whether you're making tons of excuses.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Evami said:

i just don’t know what to text or what to tell him anymore. Ask him how is he doing or how was his day ? I already did that last time and he didn’t answer with one work all he did is sending a selfie!,I don’t know what to say , I feel like I missed up after that sarcastic text and maybe he is mad about it and I just  I don’t know what’s going on in his life right now  , I don’t find him connected even in the app where we met , rarely I see him on it and when i do usually just for like 5 or 10 min m, additionally that we aren’t even on the same time zone ( 3 h )   and don’t really know if he really has asperges and that may affect him , and   I don’t want to come off desperate and push him even more away .  So I just let him be 

A person who wanted to meet you in person -especially with potentially romantic intentions- and wanted to put in the effort to do so would never ever have you guessing to this extent as to what is going on and why he is not commuicating with you.  

[Evami]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

- April is a whole month - what are the specific plans and how involved is he in making them?- and your reactions to his ignoring for this long make me question whether you're making tons of excuses.

We agreed to meet when I travel for work to his town what is in the last week of April .

and yes I m just making him at lot of excuses to why he doesn’t even answer . And I don’t know how to react to him ignoring me , I can’t text him and say why aren’t you answering me and why aren’t you texting me in time, it’s only going to make come out more pushy and desperate and it hurts my dignity and if I’m being honest I m not the most open up person and I have hard time being vulnerable even with people I know for a while ( bad past experiences )  and I don’t like to come off needy and desperate  like that regardless of how much I like him, I don’t like to chase him so I just wait to he answers . I never told him that I like him and I’m not sure if he picked up on that through text since I always compliment not hat his looks but also his work and intelligence  and we flirt but that’s all  and I’m afraid it will totally scare him away . 
previously even when he takes time he still answers and sometime we talk and text back and forth for few hours in the day once or twice a week. 
I’m just letting him be and if nothing in few days or a week I will probably text him and see even that I’m not sure what to say , I don’t want another “ hi how are you “ , I think maybe I should be direct and ask him !! What do you all think 

[Batya33]

24 minutes ago, Evami said:

We agreed to meet when I travel for work to his town what is in the last week of April .

and yes I m just making him at lot of excuses to why he doesn’t even answer . And I don’t know how to react to him ignoring me , I can’t text him and say why aren’t you answering me and why aren’t you texting me in time, it’s only going to make come out more pushy and desperate and it hurts my dignity and if I’m being honest I m not the most open up person and I have hard time being vulnerable even with people I know for a while ( bad past experiences )  and I don’t like to come off needy and desperate  like that regardless of how much I like him, I don’t like to chase him so I just wait to he answers . I never told him that I like him and I’m not sure if he picked up on that through text since I always compliment not hat his looks but also his work and intelligence  and we flirt but that’s all  and I’m afraid it will totally scare him away . 
previously even when he takes time he still answers and sometime we talk and text back and forth for few hours in the day once or twice a week. 
I’m just letting him be and if nothing in few days or a week I will probably text him and see even that I’m not sure what to say , I don’t want another “ hi how are you “ , I think maybe I should be direct and ask him !! What do you all think 

I would react by moving on right now. Ask yourself - if you weren’t going to be in his city and make it easy for him to meet you in April are you reasonably sure he’d make sure to meet you in person ASAP? 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Evami said:

I don’t know how to react to him ignoring me

Frankly, I'd just ignore him back and quit this thing. You've built up a fantasy in your head and you've fallen in love with that. It's not healthy place to be.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Evami said:

I think maybe I should be direct and ask him !! What do you all think

I wouldn't even bother. 

Nothing here suggests this guy is a realistic prospect for you. He is hardly interested and he lives too far away, and you don't actually know for sure who you are even talking to. 

Why waste your time on this?

[Evami]

54 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

1 hour ago, Evami said:

 

Frankly, I'd just ignore him back

Yes that’s what I’m doing , just let him be 

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, Evami said:

Yes that’s what I’m doing , just let him be 

But without following up, ever.  End this interaction as it's not healthy for you.

[Evami]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

ot healthy for you.

It’s not healthy at all , my anxiety disorder got really bad after I started investing in him this way and started to like him , I just want to go to therapy and be able to talk about this but not until Feb 1 st when my new insurance starts .

i always had hard time with relations and feel like I’m never good enough for anyone regardless of how much effort I put . And it’s just another one of those times . Thank you for all the good advice 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Evami said:

It’s not healthy at all , my anxiety disorder got really bad after I started investing in him this way and started to like him , I just want to go to therapy and be able to talk about this but not until Feb 1 st when my new insurance starts .

i always had hard time with relations and feel like I’m never good enough for anyone regardless of how much effort I put . And it’s just another one of those times . Thank you for all the good advice 

I'm sorry you feel this way.  This is not a romantic relationship and it's not an in person relationship - please don't lump him in with people you are platonic friends with with no romantic intentions, or with people you date in person -didn't you recently decide your date wasn't your match -should he feel like he's not good enough for anyone?

You don't have to put in this sort of effort when you click with someone - no effort at all to say exactly the right thing, analyze the person's fingernail fungus or learning differences or whatever - then the effort is mutual -two people who put in effort to show they care, to be kind, to be thoughtful, to be fun when that's what's going on.  

[MissCanuck]

33 minutes ago, Evami said:

i always had hard time with relations and feel like I’m never good enough for anyone regardless of how much effort I put . And it’s just another one of those times

The flaw with this line of thinking is that you are not investing wisely or making an effort for a worthwhile cause. 

It might be different if you were actually dating this man and he was not meeting you halfway and blowing you off. But this is an internet stranger whom you've chatted with a bit here and there. You should not be putting in much  effort to begin with, under these circumstances. 

You need to step back and ask yourself why you were putting energy into a person you have never met, and whose identity you have never even been able to verify. In kindness, that isn't about not being good enough for the other person - it's about you making counterproductive decisions and not acting in your own best interest. 

[Capricorn3]

OP, this guy is clearly not interested.  You're wasting way too much time and energy on something that doesn't exist.  Has it occurred to you that he could have a whole string of women that he's chatting with?  He could be in a relationship, or married - hence his lack of responding to you.

It's time you cut your losses because this is going nowhere.  Focus on local, in real life men.  Far less anxiety and stress with constantly wondering what's going on.

[Evami]

2 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Has it occurred to you that he could have a whole string of women that he's chatting with?  He could be in a relationship, or married - hence his lack of responding to you.

Yes of course , I mean I met on an app where he has more than 300 “ friends “ and those friends just like they are girls, or like your saying he could be in a relation . He doesn’t have any Facebook or instagram where in a  check, we moved from the app to phone number .