Is this behavior of my gf normal?

[gamothen]

Hi, my girlfriend goes to sleep at 8/9 PM everyday and it's driving me crazy. She sleeps until 9AM. We have been together for 5 months now. The first 2/3 weeks of the relationship she was going to bed at 11/12PM. We see each other only on weekends because of my work. The weird thing is that we can not talk that much for the entire day and she still won't stay a bit longer to talk or when we talk and 9PM rolls around she goes to sleep, period. Is this behavior normal or is she texting someone else?

[Andrina]

Early dating is for vetting. If you're upset more often than satisfied, then you end things so you can be single and available to date someone else who might be a better match. It doesn't matter what a person does in the beginning. You can't return to the heady highs of a relationship's beginning. If you don't like what's going on in the present and communication hasn't helped, why not move on?

Nobody has a video camera set up to spy on her to know if she's texting someone else. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Ask her what's going on. 

Some people are in rhythms for sleep.

If it's not for you, get out

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, gamothen said:

Hi, my girlfriend goes to sleep at 8/9 PM everyday and it's driving me crazy. We see each other only on weekends because of my work. 

Why does her sleep schedule bother you? Please explain why you believe this indicates she's texting someone?  Please try not to text tether anyone. You mentioned in your other thread you were upset she's not sexting you enough or sending "softs" . What are "softs"?Is this the same woman?:

 

[ShySoul]

Personally, I've always been an early riser so I'm usually fading by nine and have the lights out by ten. Plenty of nights I've been exhausted enough to fall asleep by nine, even when I wanted to stay up longer. That's just how my body works and it may be like her's as well.

What is her schedule like? Did something happen in the last few weeks that could explain why she is more tired or needs to go to bed earlier? Change in work schedule? Health issue making her more tired? Stressful situation that's draining her energy? There could be lots of reasons, so actually talk with her. There is no need to jump straight to cheating. If you really care about her and want a relationship to work out, you need to trust her and talk with each other about what is bothering you. You also need to be more focused on how each other is feeling and, going off of this post and the one I see linked here, less on sex and sexting. Relationships are based on trust, honesty, and communication. For both of your sakes, focus on those things a little more.

[Sam1986]

13 hours ago, gamothen said:

Is this behavior normal or is she texting someone else?

Ask her what's up then.
You can hypothesize all day, but it won't get you any far.
This is what communication is for.

[Cookie24]

She used it stay up late to talk to you because you both were in the honeymoon stage, now that the feelings are less intense and  the pace of the relationship has become slower, she went back to do what was is important to her.. going to sleep early.

Why don't you discuss this with her, and try to reach a middle ground? If you are not getting what you want, then leave. But don't let doubts and fears eat you up. 

[Starlight925]

Sounds like what's "normal" for her is 11-12 hours of sleep.

Why does this bother you?

What is going on where you don't trust her?

Do you truly believe she's asleep, or do you have some reason to suspect she's really awake but just not spending time with you?

[Jaunty]

If she's awake and not working, do you think it's her "duty" to be available to text nonstop or otherwise pay attention to you?

[Cookie24]

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

If she's awake and not working, do you think it's her "duty" to be available to text nonstop or otherwise pay attention to you?

The OP isn't getting any quality time with her, his needs aren't being met and he has every right to feel sad about it. How are they going to create a strong bond, if they don't have quality time together?

[Jaunty]

53 minutes ago, Cookie24 said:

The OP isn't getting any quality time with her, his needs aren't being met and he has every right to feel sad about it. How are they going to create a strong bond, if they don't have quality time together?

Well ... a person needs time to themselves as well.  At least well rounded ones. No need to be attached like by an umbilical cord.

Evidently they see each other on weekends, which is pretty normal for people who are in the early stages of dating.  And she is available for texting or being on the phone from after work until about 9:00 p.m.  

That is 3-4 HOURS of "virtual time" available 5 x per week.  And together on weekends.

This is not sufficient to you?  

Do you think that she should stay awake, or not watch TV or read a book,  in order to keep on the texting marathon until each one of them passes out?

I do not agree with that.   In fact I think it's crazy.

You know - in days gone by, people did NOT hang on their phones for hours every day when they were dating somebody.

Yes, we would GO ON DATES and spend time together that way.  Commonly, on the weekends.  Maybe a phone call on weekday evenings if we were serious.  Not one that lasted for several hours, either.

It worked fine.

But you do you and stay on facetime, texting, etc whenever you're awake to provide what you think of as "quality time."   

If the OP needs this like you appear to,  then he and this woman are not compatible.

Where I think the whole thing really crosses the line into outlandish territory is his suspicion that she's actually texting someone else.   Like it's inconceivable that a person would want some time to themselves after work and before falling asleep.

A little out there, I'd say.

[Wiseman2]

On 12/21/2023 at 6:28 PM, gamothen said:

 The weird thing is that we can not talk that much for the entire day and she still won't stay a bit longer to talk or when we talk and 9PM rolls around she goes to sleep, 

It seems like you're suffocating her if you see each other every weekend all weekend and stay in touch during the day and then text tether her for another several hours after work.  It sounds exhausting to continue this.