Should I stay or hold on

[Rosa Lipsey]

Hi all

I came here to look for advice as I feel like I've no one in my own personal circle to ask without being judged..

I have been having thoughts for the past few months on and off whether or not to stay with my boyfriend. He has a son who is amazing and a smart boy.

My problem is ever since we started dating it has been a hell with the mother of the son. 

Without making this a novel I've had to endure stalking, harassment and bullying. She's found and spoken to my mum behind my back, ive gotten messages from her and her friends to basically kms, her and her mother have called me racial and deragatory terms (I'm black so you can guess what I was called), I was on Bumble which is an app to make friends and I told my bf about it. They saw the profile, screenshotted it and sent it to their grouchat calling me a wh*** and said i was looking for threesomes and other situations that she has caused but you get the idea. 

Now since then I've had to ask my mum to contact the mothers Mom (Grandma) to basically get my daughters name out their mouth. She apologised profusely and said it won't happen again and to be fair it has been quiet since and that happened in July.

 

My question is, is it worth to stay? The reason I haven't left is that I've never felt a love so strong for him and vice versa and because he knows the crap I've had to endure he truly treats me like a queen and I know inside ill never be able to experience again the love he gives me. We never fight or argue and he listens to me always. Our relationship in itself is perfect. Just his baggage...

Since the whole July incident (and other stuff happened, she threw her hands at him while holding son) my bf and the mother don't communicate. Only through the grandma which is working perfectly for everyone and I'm glad.

I know for now it's fine but eventually in the months/years to come they'll have to communicate and I know there's gonna be more BS i'll have to deal with so long as we're together but i'm asking should i just hold on or leave ? We are all young. I'm 22 in final year of college

I'm looking for advice or reassurance from anyone out there as I feel so lost and idk if I'm wasting my time being with him but I don't want to be alone again 😞

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Rosa Lipsey said:

My problem is ever since we started dating it has been a hell with the mother of the son.  I've had to endure stalking, harassment and bullying. . I'm 22 in final year of college

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? Please don't throw your life away on this.

He may be nice to you but clearly he doesn't have appropriate boundaries with his child's mother. How did she get all your contact information? 

Please delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. You can take the things she sent to the police and file harassment and stalking charges as well as hate crimes, please get a restraining order.  

It's not going to get better. Your BF may be nice to you but he doesn't have his life or coparenting issues under control. 

[Rosa Lipsey]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? Please don't throw your life away on this.

He may be nice to you but clearly he doesn't have appropriate boundaries with his child's mother. How did she get all your contact information? 

Please delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. You can take the things she sent to the police and file harassment and stalking charges as well as hate crimes, please get a restraining order.  

It's not going to get better. Your BF may be nice to you but he doesn't have his life or coparenting issues under control. 

HI thanks you for replying. It's actually our one year on the 18th.

Dont worry I've blocked her and her friends on everything and I never responded to her messages. Just screenshotted them. This was months ago.

 

I wrote this post last night and I ended up talking to him about a few things. He said he's been saving up for court to be able to get custody of the son as they restrict a lot of the times when he's able to see him and basically dictate everything. He's working 2 jobs at the moment and I've seen him trying.

As of now there's no boundaries at all cause they don't communicate. The last time they saw eachother was 2 months ago when the son was in hospital for a bit and they passed eachother and she said "don't worry I'm not going to hit you".

[Rosa Lipsey]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? Please don't throw your life away on this.

He may be nice to you but clearly he doesn't have appropriate boundaries with his child's mother. How did she get all your contact information? 

Please delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. You can take the things she sent to the police and file harassment and stalking charges as well as hate crimes, please get a restraining order.  

It's not going to get better. Your BF may be nice to you but he doesn't have his life or coparenting issues under control. 

I forgot to mention when I had to ask my mum to contact the grandma she did say if anything small or big were to happen again, action will be taken. As my mum works in a law firm and I'm also a law student. So they are aware 

[Batya33]

I would walk away unless your boyfriend is willing to step up and talk to the mother of his child to stop harassing you.  He likely won't want to because his priority is his son and he doesn't want to mess with the relationship lest she then retaliate and try to hamper his father-son relationship.  His "baggage" is that he had a child with this person.  You're not the queen even if he pampers you.  His son has to come first now.  If this woman were mistreating her son that would be different.  Is he willing to take strong measures and if so would that be in the best interests of the child.  You are not the child's mother, stepmother, or married to him.

Feelings of love are amazing.  It's not enough though, right?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Rosa Lipsey said:

my bf and the mother don't communicate. Only through the grandma which is working perfectly 

It seems like you're not getting the whole story.  If your mother is an attorney, you would know that what this sounds like is supervised visitation. Your BF is not an innocent victim here even if the GF is a lunatic. Please stop getting involved in this battle. Focus on your studies, wellbeing, your future and professional goals. 

 

 

[smackie9]

Me personally would never date anyone that was connected to such drama. It speaks volumes about him not having a spine and selfishly dating someone exposing them to it. 

[Capricorn3]

14 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Me personally would never date anyone that was connected to such drama. It speaks volumes about him not having a spine and selfishly dating someone exposing them to it. 

^ I second the above.   I would run so fast you wouldn't see me for dust.  Don't waste anymore time and energy (and your life) on this mess.  It won't get any better.