Need a solution to fix relationship

[LostGirl3373]

I 26(F) was dating a guy for about 3 years and things were good inittially but we were having a lot of issues lately. I was not happy in the relationship and that's when I met a new guy and got attracted to him. I started being distant from my bf while I was getting to know this new guy. Shortly after I broke up with my bf and started a new relationship with the other guy. At that time I was pretty sure that it was the right move. I know it was a big mistake as I didn't tell him about the new guy or gave him proper reasons for the breakup.
In the beginning, I was pretty happy but then after about a month, I realized that the new guy is not the person I want to be with. I started missing my ex and contacted him again after a month. He asked me what I did last 1 month and whether I slept with anyone else. I lied to him as I didn't want to lose him. I told him that I was single last one month and didn't date anyone. And so we got back together and started fixing our issues.

However, shortly after a few days he found out that I had slept with the other guy and now he is wanting to end things. He is asking me for reasons why he should stay with me, and I am ready to do anything to keep him in my life. I really love my bf and wish to fix everything. He tells me that he can't get over the fact that I left him for someone else and then slept with the other guy and was basically in a rebound relationship. How can I salvage my relationship.

Thoughts?

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, LostGirl3373 said:

I 26(F) was dating a guy for about 3 years and things were good inittially but we were having a lot of issues lately. I was not happy in the relationship and that's when I met a new guy and got attracted to him. 

Sorry this is happening. What were the issues and arguments about and why weren't you happy? Unfortunately the new guy seems like a wake-up call that your relationship wasn't working. Where is he now and what happened with him? 

It seems there's a lot of hard feelings between you two and getting back together was a rash decision. There is not much you can do because in addition to the original problems, now the trust is broken from lies. Unfortunately it seems like your BF is done and that may be the best thing.

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, LostGirl3373 said:

However, shortly after a few days he found out that I had slept with the other guy and now he is wanting to end things. He is asking me for reasons why he should stay with me, and I am ready to do anything to keep him in my life. I really love my bf and wish to fix everything. He tells me that he can't get over the fact that I left him for someone else and then slept with the other guy and was basically in a rebound relationship. How can I salvage my relationship.

Thoughts?

You can't IMO - you chose to lie and these are the consequences.  Trust is broken.  You didn't show love when you lied.  You were thinking only of yourself.  He is understandably wary about  getting back together especially since you flipped back and forth so fast.  I married my ex fiancee -we got back together after years of being apart but we never had trust issues like these. I'm not sure if we could have gotten back together if we had. Also don't mistake missing someone because you chose badly for actually being a good match.  You seem to flip flop a lot.

[bluecastle]

Sorry about all this. 

I realize it's tough, but from the outside this really seems like a moment to take a deep breath, check in with yourself, and learn to sit with some uncomfortable feelings. Because my impression here is that your impulse to react to such feelings—and specifically to lean on men to pacify them—is part of what got you here. 

As in: things were fizzling with the bf, and comfort was sought with a new guy rather than through a clean, honest break and taking a moment to feel all those thorny feelings. When new guy turned out to be insta-comfort rather than a genuine connection, you again sidestepped processing all that but instead jumped back to your boyfriend and lied...why? That's a question to really explore on your own, but seems at least in part because you worried the truth would mean not getting the comfort you were seeking. 

I mean none of this to tsk-tsk you. I've been in versions of your shoes, and when I was around your age I certainly bounced around a lot and scraped up plenty of hearts—my own among them—in the process. I struggled to be honest as well, because I was pretty selfish and really struggled with just sitting with myself. It was moments like the one you're in now that served as wake up calls, as I hope this one can be for you. 

So, hard as it is, I would turn your focus away from "fixing" this relationship, which sounds like it broke down long before all this, and instead working on the wiring of your own motor. It'll mean being lonely and uncomfortable for a bit, but I think if you're really honest with yourself you've already learned that trying to outrun loneliness and discomfort only enhances those feelings and doesn't lead to the kinds of connections you want. 

 

[smackie9]

Your BF took a big hit to his ego....not sure there is anything you can do but wait and see what he chooses to do. Begging and groveling ain't gonna do jack s%^#. Give him his space. 

I get it, you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone, but you were selfish. Do you really think you deserve a second chance?? Put yourself in his shoes before you answer that.