My female partner can't reach orgasm from internal finger "stimulation"

[darthpeladus]

Hi there,

Me (male) and my female partner have been together for a very long time (more than 10 years). We enjoy sex very much.

Even if she enjoys fore-play, she usually prefers it to be short and move to intercourse. Part of it is because she suffered in the past (and still does sometimes) from vestibulitis, so she doesnt always enjoy too much "attention" to her clitoris.

Sometimes, like last night, during fore-play I insert a finger and start massaging her from the inside. She enjoys this VERY MUCH. I see it, I hear it, and I feel it. We where doing that for near 20 minutes or more, and she fells that she wants to explode... and still, she cant. We talk about this a lot, we tell each other that reaching orgasm is not the goal but a bonus because she really enjoys the "process", and I try to calm her and tell her to let go. But she still cant reach it and I know it frustrates her a lot because she knows she is very very close.

I would appreciate it if anyone can give me some tips or something to help her, what to do, what to say to her.

I should add  that she does reach orgasm during intercourse but i think it's mainly from the external friction.

Thanks everyone

[Andrina]

I don't know how old she is. At some point, as a woman ages, she will begin needing supplements, such as using a vaginal estrogen cream twice a week (not on sex days) to continue being able to achieve orgasm vaginally. This requires a prescription. Sometimes, even that won't help enough to achieve the vaginal pleasure once experienced in younger days.

Try doing oral on her at the vaginal opening since the clitoris is too sensitive. That could also be assisted with a small vibrator placed near the clitoris but not touching it so it receives vibrations.

[Wiseman2]

Ask her what she likes and what gets her off and do that more. 

[SherrySher]

4 hours ago, Andrina said:

I don't know how old she is. At some point, as a woman ages, she will begin needing supplements, such as using a vaginal estrogen cream twice a week (not on sex days) to continue being able to achieve orgasm vaginally. This requires a prescription. Sometimes, even that won't help enough to achieve the vaginal pleasure once experienced in younger days.

Try doing oral on her at the vaginal opening since the clitoris is too sensitive. That could also be assisted with a small vibrator placed near the clitoris but not touching it so it receives vibrations.

Great advice.

I second that. Oral, plus vibrator, she'll be one happy gf.

[MissCanuck]

Why do you need to bring her to orgasm this way? 

It seems her physiology just isn't built like that. Go with what works instead and don't stress so much over what doesn't fully do it for her. 

[darthpeladus]

On 11/2/2023 at 3:58 PM, Andrina said:

I don't know how old she is. At some point, as a woman ages, she will begin needing supplements, such as using a vaginal estrogen cream twice a week (not on sex days) to continue being able to achieve orgasm vaginally. This requires a prescription. Sometimes, even that won't help enough to achieve the vaginal pleasure once experienced in younger days.

Try doing oral on her at the vaginal opening since the clitoris is too sensitive. That could also be assisted with a small vibrator placed near the clitoris but not touching it so it receives vibrations.

Hi,

We are 39 years old.

I do oral on her quite often, near the clitoris and she does enjoy that. And she does enjoy when my finger is inside, but its like there is something "preventing" her from reaching the orgasm.

 

On 11/2/2023 at 7:00 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Ask her what she likes and what gets her off and do that more. 

The communication between us is good, and I'm always listening, with all my senses. So when i see or she tells me that something is nice, i continue doing that like you sais

On 11/2/2023 at 10:37 PM, MissCanuck said:

Why do you need to bring her to orgasm this way? 

It seems her physiology just isn't built like that. Go with what works instead and don't stress so much over what doesn't fully do it for her. 

Its not that I need to do it, and I always lower the pressure on her so that she doenst think she must reach orgasm. i always tell her "are you enjoying it? if you are, then it doesnt matter if you reach orgasm or not". And yet, it always feels to me (and to her) that she is this close to exploding, and she still cant. I want it to happen for her, not for me

[MissCanuck]

18 minutes ago, darthpeladus said:

it always feels to me (and to her) that she is this close to exploding, and she still cant.

Then she is not as close as either of you think, or it would happen. 

Whether it's physiological or psychological, if she's enjoying it and still climaxing in other ways, I don't get why it's an issue. 

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, darthpeladus said:

I always tell her "are you enjoying it? if you are, then it doesnt matter if you reach orgasm or not". 

Unfortunately this Is pressure. You seem to be putting inordinate pressure on her even the remark about "it's ok if you don't climax".

Please try to relax without asking for this much feedback. You seem to be overinvesting in your "performance" and this may be creating stress and anxiety.

Please stop asking her throughout if "it's good". It's breaking the mood and concentration.