anxious attachment

[boltnrun]

The problem with weeks of texting and phone calls with no in person meeting is the tendency to get "attached" to words on a screen and a disembodied voice. You know that isn't a real relationship, just something you get used to. And so many times the real life person doesn't measure up to the fantasy that's been created by electronic communication.

I just think it's a shame you're feeling anxious over a guy you haven't even met yet. If you're not having fun, what's the point?

[lovergal]

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

The problem with weeks of texting and phone calls with no in person meeting is the tendency to get "attached" to words on a screen and a disembodied voice. You know that isn't a real relationship, just something you get used to. And so many times the real life person doesn't measure up to the fantasy that's been created by electronic communication.

I just think it's a shame you're feeling anxious over a guy you haven't even met yet. If you're not having fun, what's the point?

i agree. im an anxious person in general. like i just wanna meet up already but i think that itself is giving me anxiety because i think he's not going to make it. and im usually right

[lovergal]

31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I worked far far more than full time for most of the 24 years I dated (until 2005) plus unpredictable hours for about a dozen of those years.  Plus a social life, volunteer work, family obligations. And I made time to meet over 100 men in person typically within a week or less of first contact. Sometimes it was only for an hour or a quick workday lunch.  But the proof is in taking the action to meet -not typing and talking to a stranger.  Had you been out of town, sick, caring for a sick family member, covid exposed or pulling all nighters at work, fine.  Otherwise yes I had a life and IMO if you get so anxiously attached -meet in person ASAP.  

well clearly that didnt work out for you if you had to meet 100 men.... lol 

I couldn't meet up for one weekend. i think you guys are more butthurt than he was. he couldnt make it this week. so hopefully we can meet another time.

[LootieTootie]

2 hours ago, lovergal said:

I feel so weird asking him to call me - I feel like he should be doing that if he wants to lolll

Then text him when you should give him a call. I'm sure he can spare a few minutes to talk.

You know texting is getting boring but you liked the phone conversation. So my suggestion is you talk to him on the phone again, and then suggest talking more at the maze date. SO you both can expect to talk again at the date, which means you don't have to worry about boring texting or being anxious about calls or no calls before the meet.

I just feel that you haven't met the guy yet, and you shouldn't emotionally invest in him until ya meet.

[boltnrun]

27 minutes ago, lovergal said:

i agree. im an anxious person in general. like i just wanna meet up already but i think that itself is giving me anxiety because i think he's not going to make it. and im usually right

That's exactly my point. Why get anxious over someone you've never met? This doesn't have to impact your life.

And yeah, I know anxiety. I was diagnosed by two medical professionals and was in intensive treatment for over two years. I had to learn methods to  not allow people or situations to derail my life.  

Remind yourself this guy you have never met does not get to dictate your mood or impact your life in any meaningful way. 

[LootieTootie]

22 minutes ago, lovergal said:

well clearly that didnt work out for you if you had to meet 100 men.... lol 

I couldn't meet up for one weekend. i think you guys are more butthurt than he was. he couldnt make it this week. so hopefully we can meet another time.

I think Batya was trying to say that even if you're busy, you aren't busy enough to meet for a quick bite or for coffee. Hence, stop the texting and meet the guy to see if the sparks or chemistry is actually there, face to face. 

I met my husband online and we've been together for 7 years and I will be the first person to tell anyone don't invest until you actually meet them and spent a good amount of face time together. 

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

I met my husband online and we've been together for 7 years and I will be the first person to tell anyone don't invest until you actually meet them and spent a good amount of face time together. 

Absolutely!!

[lovergal]

I feel like I'm just repeating myself over and over again lol 

Telling an anxious person to not be anxious isn't helpful.

But thank you for all your suggestions.

He hasn't even texted me since this morning so idk what is going on lol but time will tell. And I will just wait and see how it goes.

[rainbowsandroses]

Just now, lovergal said:

Telling an anxious person to not be anxious isn't helpful.

Not sure if you were referring to me, but I didn't tell you that.

I suggested ways to alleviate your anxiety - yoga and running.

I was diagnosed with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) years ago and both yoga and running along with breathing exercises and meditation have helped me tremendously.

Your call though, good luck. 

[boltnrun]

Yeah, the snark isn't necessary. We're just trying to help.

Good luck.

[lovergal]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Yeah, the snark isn't necessary. We're just trying to help.

Good luck.

I think people on this forum must be 50+

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, lovergal said:

I think people on this forum must be 50+

Actually we're all well over 100.

[Capricorn3]

Thread has run its course.