what to do when unhappy?

[outerspacedude]

When you do have a relationship but you end up being unhappy - what do you do? I know people will say either walk or talk....but as many know its never that simple.

When you have feelings, and have invested so much time into the person and the relationship its not always easy to just up and leave. Most of the time you think it will change and is just external factors.

Is there a tipping point? 

[Cherylyn]

Is there a tipping point?  Definitely,  YES.  😒  Your tolerance and patience or lack thereof signals your brain to call it quits.  Many people check out mentally or give up because all the talking in the world will lead to viciously endless,  dizzying circles leading to nowhere.  😡  There are times when you're dealing with those with subpar intelligence so be prepared to come to this conclusion.  Some people are narcissists (self important - don't care about your feelings - not about preening oneself in the mirror - I wish it were that easy!),  lack empathy,  have zero emotional intelligence and basically hopeless lost causes.  ☹️

Some people shut down by enforcing strong boundaries within themselves.  If some people have the option and convenient choice to leave,  they do just that.  👍

The tipping point is when you ask yourself how much more abuse can you take?  Either you'll have the patience of a saint or you bail.

[Batya33]

Do you two have next steps like marriage ? Those next steps or contemplating them often make the decision for you. 
I left a 7 year on again off again relationship in 2005.  It was really hard to finally leave. Scary too. And because I did I reconnected with my  future husband 6 months later. I’m quite sure that wouldn’t have happened if I’d still been in the unhappy limbo of on again off again. 

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, outerspacedude said:

When you do have a relationship but you end up being unhappy

Yes, most people have 'invested' a lot of time & energy into their relationships... But, there may come a time when you are just done.

Have you weighed the odds?  Is there possibly anything more you can work on together? Eg.  better communications.. or date nights, if things have been lacking, etc.

Or.. has this relationship maybe run its course now?  And you're just not satisfied anymore....

Stuff happens in relationshps all the time, sometimes our feelings fade & we're not all in it anymore.  We're curious and wanting to spread our wings again... then, so be it. 

Of course, we never want to 'hurt' the other person, but that can't be helped.  Just don't live a lie.

 

[Cherylyn]

Actually when you're so done with a person,  it feels like such a tremendous relief.  It's better than doubting yourself,  indecisiveness and insecurity.  It's better to make an adamant,  final decision.  You become more pragmatic, resilient and learn to adapt to so many different personality and character types.

For some people,  you can be warm and engage in camaraderie.  Then there are those whom you have to be very matter-of-fact and monotone with.  You have to be merely polite,  extremely brief,  to the point and then politely end the conversation whether verbal or written.  It works wonders. 

Being with various individuals is like a ballet for you.  You do what works because experience teaches you what failed miserably and what works in your favor. 

When you're unhappy,  become smarter and you newfound intelligence will erase unhappiness and transform it into security and contentment.  🤗

[shouldhavelearned]

Try and get back to the things that made both of you happy

 

Being complacent will cause problems

 

Try some new things you may have talked about together and haven't done

[MissCanuck]

Wait, is this about the woman who just broke up with you?

The one you caught talking to another a guy a little while ago?

That should be your tipping point. She's already ended it.