Lies and locked doors

[lies lies and more lies]

Hello. I'm not sure where to begin so bear with me please. 

I recently let my long time significant other convince me to move into his home. This takes place after 13 years of him living with me with next to no help around the house and even less financial support. He had child support coming out of his check and also never ending court cost and fines because he hasn't made the best choices. Fast forward to year 11. 2016 was filled with so much loss and grief. Beginning with A fatal over dose of a dear friend. Followed by the loss of our first family dog, our  Sweet Sadie Mae. Two weeks later on Thanksgiving evening we got the call to get to the hospital immediately. My SO's father had just lost his 10 year battle with lymphoma. My SO was living in denial of the cancer so when that time came he started to spiral, slowly at first. Then the following spring everything fell apart. He turned to hard drugs, anything he could find because now a case of beer every night for the course of our entire relationship was no longer doing it for him.

Things got really bad for him and for us at that point. Fights and charges between him and two of my family members, PFA I had to file because the State Police couldn'tbe bothered otherwise, then he got 3 DUIs within 4 months and finally picked up on bail violations in October of 2019. He was incarcerated til the end of April  2021. Came home clean and sober only to lose his mother to breast cancer 10 days later.  Sadly he  struggled in his recovery and was in sent to rehab for 45 day in August 2022. 

Upon coming back home he really seemed like the guy I loved. The one I adored. 

It was all just very good acting though as I soon discovered after moving into his parents home with him this past April(2023)

Two weeks after I moved in, he with no mention to me, decided to install security cameras inside the house.  I of course was blown away by this. These cameras were set up inside the house, facing into the rooms not points of entry. And these cameras also have audio. This didn't go over well with me to say the very least. I offered a compromise. I was ok with having them on while we were both out of the house at the same.  His response was "what's the f'n point then". He was enraged but then began his double talk. They were for my safety I was told.  So if something happened he'd know right away. Why all the sudden was my safety such a concern. I've lived 49 years without security cameras. This is was one of my arguments. Also I felt my privacy was being violated. His response to that was "do ya think I'm just gonna sit around watching and listening to you?" Well if he wouldn't be, then how would the security cameras prove beneficial to keeping me safe and how would he know if i need his help. It would be pointless. 

They're not for security, they are for surveillance plain and simple. The antenna connected to the wifi router somehow disappeared, disabling the cameras and his plans too apparently.  There's been huge arguments over this.  He's accusing me of being guilty or hiding something. Saying that me being in his house without surveillance is an invasion of his privacy.  What??? 

We don't share a bedroom because he keeps his bedroom door locked. Along with the other two bedroom doors and even the upstairs bathroom. 

Needless to say I haven't taken an effort in unpacking. This obviously is not going to work.  

And just this morning I went upstairs to ask him a question because he didn't reply to the text messages I had sent him. He was locked in his room and was reluctant to open the door and when he finally did he wasn't letting me in. Tells me I'm interfering with his alone time.

I say this is not normal.  None of it is. Only to be told I'm crazy. I'm starting problems.  It's all my fault because he can't trust me because he doesn't have cameras. 

Oh I need to add that he spends hours on end up there. Comes down and out the door for even more hours.  No mention of his intentions. He's in and out all hours of the night and lately not coming in til 6-7am. And because I have issues and feelings about all of this. I'm crazy. Crazy for feeling and thinking the way I do. I apparently also can't see or hear or say anything correctly either. 

I've been repeatedly told to get out..get out now. I did have to leave for my safety one night. I came back to find all my belongings had been ransacked. So I am in the process of looking for housing. 

Staying is an issue and when I tell him I'm leaving it's just another fight. 

The Gaslighting is strong with this one. 

I say none of this is normal. And I'm told I'm the only thing that isn't normal here.

In what world is any of this ok?

  Thoughts?

I already know but really need to hear from neutral parties.  

There's so much more to all of this. I could go on and. But for the sake of everyone reading I won't lol

 

 

[MissCanuck]

7 minutes ago, SoundingBoardBillie said:

In what world is any of this ok?

No world I have ever heard of. 

Your boyfriend is unglued and dangeroos, and you need to get away from him as soon as possible. There are so many glaring dealbreakers that I'm truly shocked you didn't dump his ass ages ago. What are you still doing there?

Have you got a trusted friend or family member you can stay with until you find your own housing? I would not wait any longer to get out of this madman's house.

This was all so disturbing it made the hair on the back of neck stand up. 

[SooSad33]

38 minutes ago, lies lies and more lies said:

They're not for security, they are for surveillance plain and simple. The antenna connected to the wifi router somehow disappeared, disabling the cameras and his plans too apparently.  There's been huge arguments over this.  He's accusing me of being guilty or hiding something. Saying that me being in his house without surveillance is an invasion of his privacy.  What??? 

We don't share a bedroom because he keeps his bedroom door locked. Along with the other two bedroom doors and even the upstairs bathroom. 

He sounds overly paranoid & unsettled for some reason 😕 .

Were you not aware of how he has his place ( all locked), before you moved in? Plus, if I were to move in with my 'partner', I'd expect to share the same bedroom.

And just to add, the odd behaviour ( camera's inside) & meltdowns.  Not okay.

 

38 minutes ago, lies lies and more lies said:

I recently let my long time significant other convince me to move into his home. This takes place after 13 years of him living with me with next to no help around the house and even less financial support.

We live, we learn.?

I'm wonderin WHY you'd agree to move in, knowing of all of the falls over the last few years and his 'mental state'.  Were there any signs?

I don't know what to say to this except, yeah, get out of there!  Can you room with a friend/ family?

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, lies lies and more lies said:

Ive been repeatedly told to get out..get out now. I did have to leave for my safety one night. I came back to find all my belongings had been ransacked. So I am in the process of looking for housing. 

How long have you been staying there. Where did you live before? Can you place your belongings in storage and stay with friends or family until you find housing?

It's definitely a bizarre and unsafe environment.

[catfeeder]

I would stop arguing with him. There is nothing to be gained from being 'right'.

I'd contact my local women's shelter or domestic violence agency, or I'd contact my local hospital's human services department for a case worker, or I'd contact one of the hotlines on the web.

You don't need to have been hit to be in danger, and these groups are about prevention. Speak with a counselor--they are experienced in helping people make plans and find resources that are not typically known to the public. They can often help you to execute your plans.

Get out of there safely, first and foremost. You can deal with the emotional stuff later, once you are safe.