A guy who used to like me added me on Snapchat? We used to be good friends

[niinaa]

1 hour ago, MrMan1983 said:

Plus, both using Snapchat...what's that all about.

Snapchat wasn’t my idea. He found and added me and messages me on there…

[niinaa]

32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What people were telling you he claims "you're the one who got away"?  It seems like he lost interest after catching up. So whatever it is you discussed may have turned him off to staying friends.  That's ok. It was just a passing encounter.

Mutual friends. One of my best friends is married to his friend. He confided in his friend, who told his wife (my best friend) who told me.

if I had any feelings for this guy, I would have done something then. I wasn’t married at the time.

 

he’s actually replying to me but apologised for taking so long as he’s busy. I just said, it’s fine. No need to apologise. He keeps asking questions about my life…things he already knows and really mundane stuff so I don’t see the point of the conversation.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, niinaa said:

. He keeps asking questions about my life…things he already knows and really mundane stuff so I don’t see the point of the conversation.

It seems like you were hoping he's still holding a torch for you from the third party hearsay. If you find the conversation "mundane", maybe a lot has changed over the years and the nostalgia doesn't really match what's going on now.

[Batya33]

So you mean he would be friends with you and your husband? I'm very lenient about platonic friendships -I'm married, one teenager. I've always had male friends, my husband has always had female friends and there are times we are in touch with exes because we're either still friendly and/or mutual friends/mutual coworkers.  It's all good. 

We do not play with fire, ever.  I had an ex contact me on linkedin.  Married for many years and his wife had cancer.  We exchanged a few messages every couple of months.  Each time I asked about how his wife was doing, each time I mentioned my husband.  I sensed he might be getting a bit personal so I kept my distance.  I kept it to these few messages. He hasn't contacted me in years.  

I met a really handsome guy when I did jury duty about 16 years ago.  He was married, I was exclusive with my future husband.  No flirting. Yes- had we both been single I would have been interested in getting to know him.  Because we were not I simply noted he was attractive and we had a good time passing the time just chatting in a small group of jurors.

We kept in touch business-wise -he is an artist, I was affiliated with the art world through my work.  So I'd hear of his shows from time to time.  Then he sent me an email - he was getting divorced and he knew I might know attorneys to help him since when we met a family member was going through one.  The email however also contained some more personal comments.  What I did: I showed my husband the email  and said "are you comfortable with me sending him a referral to the attorney I know and I'd like to keep him active on Linkedin for networking purposes. 

He said yes and realized why I was asking him.  Since that time that's what I do - he posts about his shows, sometimes I tell friends who live in his area about his shows and then tell him I referred them and I keep it all business-y.  No issues at all.  

So despite having platonic male friends I am very careful in situations similar to yours. And my husband seems to be as well -I have no doubts about his loyalty, commitment, and basic common sense.  Common sense is your friend in this situation.  

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, niinaa said:

He keeps asking questions about my life…things he already knows and really mundane stuff so I don’t see the point of the conversation.

His point is to try to draw you in by referencing common ground and putting feelers out.

[Jaunty]

2 hours ago, niinaa said:

 We were like best friends 

There is a lot of distance between "like best friends" years ago, and the way you described it at first:

 

Quote

We used to work together. He used to like me apparently.

I also notice, obviously, that you posted this in "DATING ADVICE.
 

Just drop it, there is nothing real between you besides the rather depressing fact that you're both trying to make something out of nothing.  Maybe you need to work on your marriage so that some guy from work in your distant past popping up on Snapchat won't take up a residence in your imagination.  You know better.

[niinaa]

I am new to the forum. I didn’t know where to place this thread. I do not want to date him.

we have been single and he tried it on when I was engaged. Why didn’t I do anything about it then? Why was I not “woo’ed” by the “one that got away” comment then and get with him or lead him on then? Why do you think now married with child.. that I want something from him?? 

all I wanted is friendship. We were best mates. I asked this forum on opinions about what he was commenting:

1. It’s normal behaviour, you are looking too much into it. He doesn’t like you anymore

2. his comments are weird. Stay away.

I naively thought it might be number 1, we’d exchange numbers and become mates again. Hence why I told my husband too! 
 

I don’t know why people think I want attention from this when I haven’t before. When he commented on me before, I told mutual friends that I am happy with my now husband and it’s a little too late. He cut contact with me and has only just popped up. I haven’t chased him or looked him up, 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, niinaa said:

I don’t know why people think I want attention from this when I haven’t before

Because you posted this in the "Dating" forum, OP. 

You can ask mods to move it, as that would help clarify that this isn't a post about romantic feelings. 

[niinaa]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

Because you posted this in the "Dating" forum, OP. 

You can ask mods to move it, as that would help clarify that this isn't a post about romantic feelings. 

Okay I will do that. Which forum should I move it too? This is the first one that came up,